Cornered
by smile1
Summary: Literati !DONE! Jess leaves Rory, but when he comes back they're both too stubborn to approach one and other. However, a marriage will bring them together, although not in the right way. Will they be able to stop themselves from crossing the line?
1. Prologue flashback

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.  
  
**A/N:** Hey! :-) Something definitely seems to be wrong with me, cause every time I vow not to start on another Literati fic, my imagination just has to interfere. This is yet another creation of just that, so I apologize if it's cliche and unoriginal. I hope you will still somewhat enjoy it. :-)

* * *

Rory looked around the party which had been especially thrown for her. Large crowds were socializing in the large ballroom, giving everyone enough space to waltz around. Plain white and simple beige streamers were hung on both sides of the room, making it look just feminine enough to subtly remind everyone that it was indeed her birthday that they were celebrating. Her nineteenth to be exact. These birthday parties had been a tradition ever since her grandma threw her one when she turned sixteen. The only difference from all the other years was, that instead off taken the liberty upon herself to invite all of Rory's Chilton classmates, she had called up all of her friends and invited them to drop by with their children. This would give Rory the opportunity to expand her social circle.  
  
And although Rory had wandered from group to group, keeping the socializing facade up to please both her grandparents, she hadn't collided with anybody interesting enough so far. All conversations she had interrupted had gone about college. And to be honest, she was sick of hearing everyone go on and on about what college they were attending. All her life she had been obsessed with college and that obsession had only increased once she got accepted at Chilton. She had to work even harder for her goal of getting into Harvard. But eventually Harvard turned into Yale and now that she had gotten used to living in a dorm and spending most of her time at the school library, she wished that she had enjoyed life a little more.  
  
Of course she was happy with getting into Yale, but she couldn't help thinking that maybe her will to succeed pushed Dean away and maybe even Jess, although he could match her in almost any way. Unfortunately they had lost touch, until one day he showed up again, carrying a duffelbag and his careless expression, asking Luke if he could give him another chance. And although Luke's soft interior was usually hidden by a hard armor, he had taken Jess in once again, putting a new load of trust and care into him. Rory hadn't gotten the chance to talk to him yet, partly because of the fact that she had been spending less and less time in Stars Hollow and partly, because she had almost gotten used to living without Jess. As she left for Yale, she knew that she would be leaving some part of her behind in Stars Hollow, like Jess. Besides, jumping into the deep end of the ocean right now wasn't her main priority. Yale was, and for tonight this party was.  
  
She looked around the room, not seeing one familiar face. They probably all came for the free food and drinks that were luxuriously stalled out one a few large dining tables. Her eyes rested on the partly devoured cake, which her grandmother had ordered especially for her. White frosting over pure chocolate, decorated with small chocolate roses. The holes, where the nineteen candles had been placed in previously, were still visible. She remembered blowing them out in front of all those strange eyes, after they had finished singing Happy Birthday. It had been a childish yet comforting gesture.  
  
Rory took a glass of white champagne off one of the trays that she passed, before carefully cascading through the still pouring rivers of guests and unnoticeably slipped through an open door. She ended up in the back garden, a colorful maze of flowers. Her heels clicked on the normally bright yellow tiles, their color temporarily taken by the night, as she made her way over to the large oak. She struggled her way through the neatly trimmed grass, not caring if her dress would become stained or not, as she headed over to the set of swings which hung from the two strongest branches of the tree. She and her mom had build them themselves, saying that there had been something missing in this cheerful garden. Although Emily hadn't approved, she didn't removed the swings either. She just reminded them of their presence every chance she got.  
  
Rory sat down on one of the swings, immediately wrapping the fingers of her free hand around one of the worn, but still strong ropes. With the others she tapped against the fragile glass, which still held the sheer and untouched liquid. A small smile accompanied her in this lonely night, as she finally brought the glass to her lips. As the bubbly champagne poured passed her lips, she saw someone approaching. And although she desperately tried to remember the name of the young man, which was coming closer and closer, she knew that she had never seen or met him before.  
  
''If it isn't the birthday girl,'' the young man said, as he sat down on the swing across from her, not bothering to ask permission.  
  
Now that he was sitting right across from her, it gave her the opportunity to take in his appearance. The first thing she noticed was his light brown tan, even the night couldn't shade it from her eyes. Underneath the many stars it had a golden glow, which matched the dark blond streaks in his brown hair, which didn't lose its appeal or color in the darkness.  
  
''Any reason why you're not in there ?'' he asked, with a faint touch of amusement grazing his lips, catching her at her own actions.  
  
Rory looked up at his eyes, not able to make out any other color than black.  
  
''Honestly, I don't know anyone in there. A courtesy of my grandma.''  
  
He nodded as if he understood what she meant, lightly resting his eyes upon her face. ''I don't know anyone either. I'm Joey, the cousin of a friend of a friend.'' He politely smiled at her and held out his hand, which Rory shook. ''I'm Rory Gilmore.''  
  
''We've only exchanged a few words and already we're on last name bases ?'' Joey good-humoredly joked, leaving Rory with no doubt that this was something he had learned from either his parents or grandparents. He slowly pulled his hand back, leaving Rory with a slightly disappointed feeling.  
  
''Iddon.''  
  
''Excuse me ?''  
  
''Iddon's my last name,'' Joey patiently explained.  
  
Rory sweetly smiled at him. ''Nice to meet you, Joey Iddon.''  
  
''It's a pleasure for me too. I'm afraid I didn't get you anything, for your birthday.''  
  
Rory shrugged, as she stared at her half empty glass. ''The fact that we've never met each other before excuses you.''  
  
''That usually isn't an excuse in my parents' eyes,'' Joey said, as he watched her take another sip of her champagne.  
  
''Neither would it be for my grandparents.''  
  
''They're that bad too ?'' Joey carefully asked.  
  
''They just tend to interfere with my life a lot, mostly on a personal and academic level,'' Rory answered, not worrying about the fact that the words seemed to be leaving her mouth too swiftly.  
  
''What college are you attending, if I may assume that you are attending one ?''  
  
Rory smiled at his deliberate words. ''I go to Yale.''  
  
''On your own free will ?''  
  
''Yeah, it's kind of an ironic story, since my grandfather insisted on showing me the campus a few years ago and now I'm actually attending it. What about you ?'' Rory asked, raising her head and throwing an interested glance in Joey's direction once more.  
  
''Harvard's medical institution.''  
  
''Doctor ?''  
  
''Pharmacist, but since that career is somewhat involved with medicine........''  
  
''I get it,'' Rory said.  
  
''What about you ?''  
  
''Journalism.''  
  
''Fascinating.''  
  
''Beats studying every kind of medicine ever discovered,'' Rory shot back, thinking that he was mocking her choice of studying Journalism.  
  
''No, no, I think you got me wrong, I wasn't mocking. Journalism really fascinates me. Anything creative really. I can't seem to do anything like that, that's why I look up to people who enjoy doing that, which you do I assume ?'' Joey asked, skillfullyy leading the conversation back on the right track.  
  
''Oh yeah, I'm living my dream.''  
  
''You don't sound too happy,'' he noted.  
  
''It's the environment, and the champagne, this is my third glass, after all. I think you better take it,'' Rory said, as she held out the almost empty glass.  
  
Joey Iddon took it from her just like he was asked, but then again he could never resist a girl this charming, whom's beauty seemed to be pure and honest, just like her soft voice, which hid her shyness underneath its taught confidence. Her eyes mimicked her voice's tones, making it seem as if she was truly interested in every word he uttered. He found her modestly beautiful. Keeping up both her appearance and friendly manors among all these gorgeous strangers, not once tempted by a complementary comment or perfect smile. And unlike most, she had the subtle intelligence to match her flawless beauty, which was just slightly overdone. The light green dress seemed too much, just like the make-up which made her eyes smaller than they really were and the expensive looking earrings seemed too heavy for her small and delicate ears, which listened to his every word. As the wind played with her loose strands, a smile came over him.  
  
Rory had been doing the same thing as him, therefor not noticing the way he had been observing her. She was intrigued by his smile and natural confidence, which he kept hidden behind his words, if he felt he couldn't trust the person he was talking to. He seemed to know exactly where this conversation was going, although no one possibly could.  
  
Joey glanced in the direction of the large manor, when he heard the first notes of his favorite symphony. Normally he dreaded it when people played this kind of music at extravagant parties like this one, but for this moment he was grateful.  
  
He finished the last of Rory's champagne, before leaning forward to place the glass next to him on the ground. When he pulled himself up, his eyes were quicker than his body, therefor he caught her eyes just as she was about to look away. He smiled at her, showing her that there was no need for the faint blush that was slowly spreading itself over her cheeks. Rory turned her head away, trying to hide her face from his observant eyes, which he found sweet.  
  
''So, since I didn't get you a gift, I was hoping that you would do me the honor of dancing with me, just so I won't have to feel guilty about not getting you any thing,'' Joey said, quickly adding the last part as some sort of a reassurance for her.  
  
He noticed the hesitation on her face and he saw by the way she bit her lip that she was struggling with her answer for some reason. But he reached out his hand, risking his own pride if she decided to decline his offer anyway. Rory glanced at his hand and nodded, looking up to meet his eyes, as she placed her hand in his.  
  
''I would like to dance.''  
  
Joey nodded and got up, pulling her up at the same time. He lead her a few feet away from the swings, where the music was just slightly louder, but still faint enough to give it that dreamy affect, that always caused Rory to close her eyes and fall out of reality. He placed her hand on his shoulder, hoping that she would follow his example, which she did, when she placed her other hand on his other shoulder. He politely placed his hands on her hips, a little higher than he normally would, knowing that it would make her more comfortable, which seemed surreal since they had only just met.  
  
''Happy Birthday,'' Joey whispered, just as they started to sway to the music, his warm breath brushing against her skin.  
  
Rory smiled and placed her head on his shoulder, thinking that he probably wouldn't mind, since they were standing so close already. She entwined her fingers at the back of his neck, before closing her eyes and getting lost in the high notes of the song. Only this time she didn't lose herself completely, because there was something to hold on to.

* * *

**REVIEW! Please ? :-)** I was trying to let this entire chapter revolve around my new character, Joey Iddon, and properly introduce him to you. I hope this chapter wasn't too bad and that it came off as both sweet and somewhat mystical, although I probably aimed too high with the last one. Anyway, I would appreciate an opinion on this prologue. Should I continue this into another story ? Thanks :-)


	2. Showdown

*Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.  
  
*A/N: I don't have a lot to say, besides thank you :-) for the reviews. Although I have written my share of stories, I still get insecure about every one. But I'm sure everyone does. I hope you like it. :-)  
  
*~*~*:-)*~*~*Bye, smile  
  
A book lay open on Rory's lap, its pages rustling in the everyday wind, which was familiarly tugging at her hair, making her feel like a young free spirit again. Back when her eyes hadn't quite grasped every color in this town or fully understood every colorful conversation yet. Back when this time had still been a mystery to her and had seemed as intricate as a maze, with its many hidden passages and forgotten corners, like the Dragonfly had been only years ago.  
  
A childish smile came to find its temporarily peace upon her face, as she let her eyes wander from sight to sight, some have been here for what seemed like a perpetual time, while others had been added throughout the years. Even a second bookstore found its place in Stars Hollow, although she prefered the old one. Besides the unique books it held, there were also some pleasant memories attached to it. Memories of when she still visited the store frequently, four times a week if she had the time. Those four times had eventually turned into five, a minor, but iindicative change to the observant eyes.  
  
A wistful smile erased her earlier one, as she thought about the hours she had lost browsing those stacks and stacks of books. But her love for reading wasn't the only reason which had led her into the bookstore so many times. The other reason had been a dark-haired boy, which she could watch eternally, as he sat in one of the large and comfy chairs, letting nothing break his concentration, except her presence. He had always made her feel special, but sometimes he had made her feel like an outsider instead of his very own girlfriend. That had been the first indication of a relationship that would eventually tumble to the ground.  
  
And although she loved Joey, because he lacked imperfection, that was the same reason why she sometimes closed her eyes and wished upon a star. She would wish to go back in time and try, even harder than she did before, to wwithholdher relationship with Jess. But of course that wasn't possible and she knew that, but still she couldn't let the habit go, afraid that this was the only thread that still connected her life with his. They had become strangers to one and other and they were both to blame.  
  
Rory moved her gaze to the diner, knowing that she would have to go there tonight and tell him....... Tell him about Joey and their wedding, which she had spend almost a year of planning on, together with her mom, Lane and Sookie. And yesterday she had put the last of the icing on top of the cake, pleased with the result and her decision, although it came close to flickering every now and then. But she wasn't backing down this time, she was taking the big step and committing to someone. Something she doubted Jess could ever do. He was too wrapped up in his own piece of mind. And Rory was sick of fighting for a place in his mind and heart, although she wasn't looking forward to hurting him either, cause no matter how cold he may remain, it would get to him.  
  
But for now she didn't have to worry about that. She would be able to remain here for a couple of more hours, until the sun would disappear behind the horizon, leaving her with not enough light to read. Just as she lowered her gaze back to her book, the door of the diner opened and Jess came out, an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips, while he searched his pockets for a lighter. While he did this, his eyes found the gazebo, which slightly shaded her figure from his sight. But his recognition didn't last long. By the time he had found his lighter and lit his cigarette, he was already on his way to the bridge. A place where she didn't come anymore, not when he was there anyway.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Rory stood in front of Luke's diner. Although it looked like every other building during the night, there was something significant about it which made it stand out and easy to rrecognize She remembered noticing the sign above the door for the first time. She had just learned to read a few days ago and it was just then that she saw that the sign said: Luke's Hardware Store, instead of Luke's Diner. But she had gotten used to it over the years, just like all the other people in this town. Besides, the smell of french fries always gave away the secret. Even tonight, the distant smell of french fries and onion rings circled in the air around her. Rory briefly smiled, although her smile quickly subsided when her fist came in contact with the door. It took only two knocks, before footsteps could be heard beyond the other end of the door. And it took but a few seconds for the door to be opened and for his face to become visible.  
  
''Hey,'' Rory said, as she looked at Jess's face, which kept its hard and careless features, even when her greeting had tumbled out between her lips.  
  
Jess nodded, as he wondered why she was bothering to acknowledge his presence now, when she hadn't exchanged any words with him ever since he came back.  
  
Rory wasn't taken back by his stubborn will to remain silent. She had expected him to react this way, although Jess always managed to surprise her with a new trick, just when she thought that she had him completely figured out. ''Can I come in ? I need to talk to you.''  
  
Jess took a step back, opening the door a little further. ''The door's open.''  
  
She made sure not to accidentally touch him, as she passed him, knowing that it would only stir up memories which she had laid to rest a while back. She heard Jess close the door, but didn't turn around to face him just yet. She was buying herself time. Stretching this silence as long as she could, so she would have the chance to come up with the perfect sentence, a right way to tell him. One that wouldn't make her feel guilty afterwards.  
  
Jess put both of his hands in his pockets, as he looked over at Rory. It was strange to be standing so close to her again. Of course he had seen her around town these passed few weeks, but most of the time they hadn't acknowledged each other's stolen glances and private smiles. Lately there had seemed to be an unclear line between them, one which they hadn't agreed on, although they had never once crossed it.  
  
Jess blamed himself for her behavior. That's why he hadn't approached her in all this time. He was afraid of seeing his version of the truth reflected in her eyes, but he was also afraid of the fact that he might not be satisfied with just talking to her. His longing exceeded his passion for good conversation and a few innocent looks in her direction. His stone heart was just one of his many disguises.  
  
''So, you wanted to talk....... or was it one of those passing urges ?''  
  
Rory finally turned around to face him, afraid that she would eventually lose her will to talk to him and be honest with him. ''No, I wanna talk.'' She shook her head, causing her hair to fall to the sides, leaving her eyes clearly visible.  
  
''Well, the mic's all yours.''  
  
Rory nodded. ''On one condition. You have to promise me that you won't say anything until I'm done.''  
  
''Ah, but interrupting people during real serious conversations is my speciality.''  
  
''Jess........,'' Rory said, as she locked eyes with him for the first time in many years.  
  
''Fine,'' he curtly said, as he curiously eyed her, keeping all of his affection bottled up within.  
  
''Thanks.'' Rory took a deep breath, as she prepared herself for her next few sentences, struggling with the question if she should apologize for not approaching him sooner or not. Finally she decided against it, knowing that it would only lead to a much longer and more complicated road. One she didn't want to travel this night.  
  
''Well, you know I went to Yale after Chilton.........''  
  
''22.8 miles,'' Jess said, holding back a smirk.  
  
Rory paused for a few seconds, almost smiling at the memory herself. ''.........so I went to Yale and everything was great there. I had an amazing time. I even became one of those social butterflies, going to parties with my friends. And at one of those parties I met.........well, I met this wonderful guy. His name's Joey and....................''  
  
''Ror-y, Joe-y, I think I know where you're going with this,'' Jess interrupted, disgusted by how perfect their names seemed to fit together.  
  
Rory shot him an impatient look, which Jess actually respected. He motioned for her to go on, not having the heart to tell her that he really didn't care about how she met Joey.  
  
''And he's nice, sweet, thoughtful, smart and he has a crazy sense of humor, which is extremely important to both me and my mom,'' Rory continued.  
  
This time a smile did grace Jess's face. He had almost forgot about Rory's somewhat strange sense of humor and crazy theories. That had been one of the qualities that he had loved the most about her. It had kept him grounded, most of the time.  
  
''I ended up really liking him and we went on a few dates. We were still together after I graduated from Yale. He still had a year or so to go, because he was actually going to Harvard..........'' A smile crept upon Rory's face, as she thought about how Joey made her feel, even when he wasn't around.  
  
''So, I eventually took him back here to meet mom and Luke. I know, I don't need their approval to have a boyfriend, but it's still really nice to have it. They ended up liking him, even Luke, which was a huge relief for me. Anyway, this year we decided to visit Stars Hollow again, cause he liked the place and the people a lot. I agreed and said that it would be fun to see my mom again. And that's when he.........well, he said that it would be fun to see my mom's reaction when we told her the big news and that's when he proposed to me,'' Rory finished, feeling regretful about the fact that she hadn't managed to keep the story as short as possible.  
  
''I was wondering where you got that ring,'' Jess said, nodding in the direction of Rory's hand. Rory immediately followed his gaze and smiled when she saw the simple silver.  
  
''Why did you tell me ?''  
  
Rory lifted her head with one swift movement, while she kept rubbing her ring with the fingers of her other hand. She was a little confused about his response. She knew he wouldn't be thrilled about the news, but she had expected him to be happy for her. After all, that was what they both wanted for each other.......  
  
''I wanted to tell you personally, before you heard it from anybody else. See, Joey and I just told everyone the date of the wedding yesterday.''  
  
''Should I be happy now ?'' Jess asked, rather harshly.  
  
''Well, yeah, I mean, I am getting married,'' Rory almost whispered, feeling a little hurt by his stinging words.  
  
''That's great, congratulations,'' he said bitterly, not missing the mournful look in her eyes.  
  
''Jess, don't do this,'' Rory almost pleaded, as she lowered her eyes.  
  
''Do what ?! I told you it was great.''  
  
''Don't do this!'' Rory snapped. ''Don't turn everything around to make me feel guilty, cause I'm happy! You were the one that left without saying a word!'' Her voice became louder as she reached the end of her sentence, not able to control her frustration anymore.  
  
Jess however, was able to remain visibly unaffected by her desperate accusations. Her words were indeed true, but he had prepared himself for them a long time ago. And he had even preached them to himself, while he had kept his eyes fixed upon his own reflection in the mirror. He had observed every flicker of hurt that had lit up his dark pools and he had practiced on hiding it as well as he could. And by now, he had perfected his act.  
  
''And apparently you got over me pretty quickly,'' were his next words. Words that caused Rory's indignancy to flame up, which Jess could easily tell by her flushed cheeks and the way her hands were shaking. A sign of an outburst. One that would put him in his place and would prove him wrong.  
  
''I tried calling you, but you didn't leave a number so it was kind of hard. Luke didn't have any number either. I guess you didn't wanna be found, by me or anyone. And don't you dare tell me that I got over you quickly, cause the first year of Yale was hell for me. I didn't go out, I didn't make any new friends, I just ignored everything and everyone, because I was so heartbroken over your departure. I have cried myself to sleep countless times, so don't you dare tell me that I got over you quickly!''  
  
Tears appeared in Rory's eyes, as she brought them up to meet his, surprised by the hurt she found in them. She hadn't meant to make him feel like that. She just wanted to let him know that he shouldn't just assume things, but of course she hadn't been able to stop the words from slipping out of her mouth.  
  
''I'm sorry, I didn't come here to start a fight,'' Rory said, as she blinked away the few tears, which glazed her eyes.  
  
Jess nodded, unsure of what he should say to her.  
  
Rory took a step towards him. ''I want you to come to my wedding.''  
  
''Rory,'' Jess warned, as a frown appeared on his face.  
  
''Everyone is coming.''  
  
''Would it make you happy ?''  
  
Rory nodded, and moved closer to him, until she was close enough to trace the familiar lines of his face with her eyes, not missing the dark stubs that were scattered on his chin and just beneath his lower lip. She remembered kissing him and feeling them scratch against her cheek, making their kisses more intense and personal, especially when she ran her hands over his face later. Back then, she believed it to be an intimate gesture, one that she would never share with another guy. And until this day, she hadn't. Joey shaved every day, to her relief.  
  
''Yes.''  
  
''Okay, I'll come to your wedding.''  
  
Rory smiled at him. ''Thanks, I really want you to be there.''  
  
Jess didn't say anything and looked at her, his eyes distant, although their bodies weren't. Jess knew that they were standing dangerously close and even Rory knew that in the back of her mind. She had trouble controlling her tendencies, as she slowly brought her hand up, until it was only inches away from his face. But before she would cross the line, she stopped herself and brought her hand to her own face, quickly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.  
  
''I have to go, Joey's waiting for me.''  
  
''Congratulate him for me.''  
  
But Jess's only answer was the sound of the door, as it shut behind Rory's retreating figure.  
  
*R*E*V*I*E*W*! Please ? :-) I know, a lot of text to struggle through, but I had to try to give you an idea of what's going on in their heads. This story will get more serious with time, so right now the rating's a precaution. And this story will revolve completely around Jess and Rory, of course Joey's here for a reason. He's the distraction..... Thank you so much! :-) 


	3. For better, or worse

*Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.  
  
*A/N: Hey! I know, not everyone likes the face that Rory chose to invite Jess to her wedding after not talking to him for a while, but it does make sense to me and since it's my story, I won't change or rewrite the other two chapters. So, I hope this chapter is okay.  
  
*~*~*:-)*~*~*Bye, smile :-)  
  
Rory nervously stood in front of the large mirror, that covered an entire wall. She ran her hands over her dress in an almost indolent matter, straightening dissimilarities that were only visible to her. Her eyes fell on her reflection once again, critically taking in her appearance. The white dress she wore was simple and resembled one of those straight nightgowns that hung till your ankles. The small adjustments however, made it look elegant and perfect for this small indoor wedding. The dress loosely clung to her body, giving the dress the affect of rippling water when she walked, and a split was thoughtfully made in the back, making it easier for her to walk. Her powder white heels and silver necklace finished her ensemble, making her look like a modern Snow White.  
  
Rory absently tugged at her curls, as she looked over at the door, listening to the footsteps that started to pass it more frequently. Soon, those footsteps would be replaced by the soft thudding of her heels against the crimson carpet, that lead from the beginning of the church up to the small plateau where the priest would be waiting, together with Joey. A faint smile appeared on her lips, as she thought about how happy she would be to spend the rest of her living days with him. But this reverie was just a disguise. Underneath lay the feelings she had put away in the hope of never having to face them again, but she knew she was lying to herself, because if she had wanted to detach herself from those old, but still familiar feelings, she wouldn't have invited Jess to her wedding. She wouldn't have approached him at the diner a week ago.  
  
A flame had been lit again that evening, followed by locked up memories and abstained feelings that had fallen into her present reality, deceiving her, filling her head with doubts about Joey, making herself look at him more critically. Fortunately, she hadn't given in. She just pushed those doubts asside by remembering the heartbreak Jess had caused her, something Joey would never let her go through. Instead, she pondered the decision she made a week ago. Had it been justified of her to invite Jess to her wedding. Had it been fair towards him. No, she had been selfish and had just invited him to show him how lucky she was with Joey. She had wanted to make him jealous, but she didn't want to anymore. And she regretted asking him to come. After all, this was just her pathetic way of returning his heartbreak, and no matter if he did or did not deserve it, she was better than that.  
  
Rory let out a guilty sigh, as a shameful look settled itself on her face. She should have given Jess the opportunity to decline her offer, instead of gently persuading him to come. Maybe then she wouldn't have felt this regretful, or nervous of walking down the isle, knowing that his eyes would be following her every move. But for today, there was nothing she could do about it. She would just have to live through this day without worrying about him being here. He didn't deserve her worrying.  
  
Rory let out a startled gasp, when there was a sudden knock on the door behind her. The knock had sounded much louder than intended, because of the smallness of the room.  
  
''You can come in.''  
  
She waited for the squeaking sound that came with the wooden door, before turning her head in its direction, anticipating the arrival of a family member or a friend. And although the person standing in the doorframe could be considered a friend, they hadn't acted like that for a while now. As time passed they had become close strangers, who shared intimate looks and unsaid words, but nothing more.  
  
''Jess, what are you doing here ?'' she asked, trying to keep a neutral expression and not showing her delighted surprise.  
  
''I came to wish you good luck,'' Jess answered, as he took another step into the room and swiftly closed the door behind him with a silent thud. He remained standing near the door, while his eyes focused on Rory again, swiftly taking in her striking appearance. ''You look beautiful.''  
  
Rory lowered her eyes and threw him a thankful smile, before turning to face the mirror again. She approvingly looked at her reflection. ''I'm a bride, I'm supposed to look pretty.''  
  
Jess smirked at her childish words, thinking that she didn't need to put on a wedding gown to impress him. While her back was facing him, he took the opportunity to take a closer look at her, noticing that the right strap of her dress had slid off her shoulder, giving her a slightly more laid back look, as if her nerves hadn't taken control off her body just yet. But he knew that that wasn't the case. She was nervous and that made it hurt just a little more. His eyes found hers in the mirror.  
  
''Nervous ?''  
  
Rory sunk her teeth into her lower lip, before nodding at him. ''I'm a bundle of nerves.''  
  
''That's normal, considering you have never done this before,'' Jess reassuringly said, as he took a couple of steps towards where she was standing.  
  
''Yeah, let's hope this is the first and last time I have to do this, since I'm not a big fan of people staring at me, just waiting for me to trip over my heels and fall flat on my face.''  
  
Jess smiled at her anxious rambling, putting up a happy face for her, because he didn't want to ruin this day for her, although now that he was standing only a few steps away from her, that was becoming harder and harder to do. He stuffed his hands in his pockets. ''You're making yourself nervous.''  
  
Rory nodded in agreement, as she quickly lowered her eyes to Jess's feet in the mirror, calculating the amount of steps it would take before he would be close enough to touch. ''Is everyone about here ?''  
  
Jess nodded.  
  
''And what about Joey, is he here ? Cause it would be an awkward situation if he wouldn't be here, since he's the groom and all.''  
  
''The last time I checked he was debating cartoons with his best man,'' Jess responded.  
  
Rory smiled. ''Guess he's not worrying about anything. I just want things to be perfect, to go perfect.''  
  
''Things will go perfectly, although things aren't perfect yet.''  
  
Rory's smile faded, as she locked eyes with Jess in the mirror. ''What do you mean things aren't perfect yet ? Did someone end up in the hospital ? Oh God, the priest got lost, didn't he ?''  
  
Jess took the three steps that were needed to close the lingering distance between them. ''Nothing that big.''  
  
''Then what ?'' Rory asked, unaware of the fact that she was clutching the thin fabric of her dress tightly between her fingers.  
  
Jess didn't say anything, instead he removed his right hand from his pocket and brought it to her right shoulder, deliberately delaying his action to catch a glimpse of the inner turmoil that she was struggling with. He briefly grazed her shoulder, before slipping one finger underneath the smooth strap of her dress and pulling it up over her shoulder.  
  
''Now everything's perfect.''  
  
''God, Jess! You had me freak out about nothing.''  
  
''I told you it was nothing big,'' he responded, as he started to move his fingers across her shoulder and over to the base of her neck, wondering how far he could go.  
  
Rory followed the experienced movement of his fingers, as they tentatively started to rub the most sensitive area of her neck. When she didn't say anything, he took that as a sign to free his other hand from his pocket and place its fingers against the other side of her neck. Soon they were mimicking the rotating movements of his other hand, making Rory tremble, causing her to lean into his hands even more and allowing him better access.  
  
His motions were soothing and as the rotations became more frequent, Rory couldn't help her eyes from closing, as she took in his familiar touch and forgot about her wedding for a few reckless seconds. Suddenly his gesticulations stopped and she felt something soft being pressed onto her skin. Her eyes flew open, curious about what was causing the pleasant sensation. A gasp escaped her lips, when she caught Jess's reflection in the mirror. He was looking directly at her, while he was placing soft butterfly kisses on the hollow of her neck. Rory's eyes widened and she quickly turned around, so Jess was forced to stop his actions.  
  
''Jess,'' she warned.  
  
''Just tell me to stop,'' he said, as he leaned in and took advantage of her unfortunate position.  
  
Although Jess's action was slow, Rory's thoughts were racing as fast as her pulse. She tried to be the rational one in this situation, even though he was making it extremely difficult for her. By the time his lips were only an inch away from hers, she had made a decision.  
  
''Jess, please stop. You can't do this to me, not on my wedding day,'' she pleaded, her lips skimming his with every word.  
  
Jess met her eyes and gave in to her words when he saw the many different emotions flicker within her eyes. He backed away from her, his eyes intently fixed on hers.  
  
''I'm sorry, but you shouldn't have invited me to your wedding. Did you think I could just come and be happy for you ?''  
  
''Jess.......,'' Rory started, as she took a step forward. But when she saw Jess take a step back, she stopped and just looked at him. ''Maybe I shouldn't have asked you to come, but you..........we..........,'' Rory tried, looking for the right words.  
  
''There's no we, Rory. There's you and Joey. And from now on that will be inevasibly clear.'' Jess paused to look at her, waiting for her to tell him that she made a wrong decision by agreeing to marry Joey, but of course that didn't happen. ''I'll see you in a few minutes,'' were his parting words, as he left the room, closing the door behind him.  
  
Rory turned around to face the mirror one last time, wondering how this would ever turn into the happiest day of her life, even though she had ruined it herself.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Rory looked around the church, while the flower-girl was making her way passed all those people, proudly taking the time to throw the white and pink daisy peddles onto the floor. The white and pink clashed with the red of the carpet, but Rory didn't care, because daisies were her favorite flowers and no matter what it took she would have daisies at her wedding, which she of course got. She held a bouquet of white daisies in her hands, while bigger bouquets of both white and pink daisies were placed at the beginning and end of the crimson carpet.  
  
A genuine smile took over Rory's features, as she spotted her grandparents and both Lorelai and Lane sitting on the first bench, so they could see the ceremony from up close. She quickly scanned the bench with her eyes, pleased to see that Joey's parents and grandmother had made it too, although she hadn't been looking for them. She was looking for Jess, assuming that he would be sitting on the first couple of benches, since he came with Luke. For a minute she was afraid that he had left the church, so he wouldn't have to see her get married, but the disappointment faded when she saw him. He was sitting on an empty bench in the back, hiding away in the corner. Another regretful sigh slipped through her lips, soft enough for only her to hear.  
  
She averted her eyes from Jess's unhappy figure and looked over at Luke, who was standing next to her, looking even more nervous than she had been the entire day.  
  
''Are you nervous ?''  
  
Luke shrugged, as he looked at the benches that were filled with people. ''All that staring will make me a little uncomfortable. It's like they have never seen two people walk before.''  
  
Rory smiled and hooked her arm with his. ''At least you won't be alone.''  
  
Luke nodded.  
  
''Thanks again for giving me away.''  
  
Luke affectionately looked at her, showing her that he considered it a privilege. Rory smiled and felt him tighten his grip on her arm when the music signaled their departure. Rory lowered her eyes when she passed Jess and didn't raise them again until she had reached the end of the carpet. Luke let go of her and watched her climb the small steps to where the priest and Joey were standing. Rory couldn't contain a smile when she saw the boyish excitement in his eyes. But other than that, he looked calm to the rest of the observers.  
  
During the long winded speech of the priest, they kept their eyes locked, sharing secret smiles when they thought no one was looking. Even though they had known each other for a while now, his appearance still amazed her. The darkness of his eyes remained as intriguing as it had been a few years ago and his smile still knowing, like he already knew how happy they would be together. When the priest finally announced to everyone that they were allowed to kiss, both Joey and Rory leaned in, meeting each other half way in a lightly passionate, but suitable kiss. When they had parted, Rory still couldn't dare herself to glance in Jess's direction.  
  
*~*~*  
  
''I like to propose a toast, to my daughter and her brand new husband !'' Lorelai said, as she glanced at where Rory and Joey were sitting.  
  
''I hope that all the lucky charms in the world will be on your side and bring you well deserved happiness, although my warning should be engraved in your brain forever. Cause if you hurt my little girl.......it's off with your head !''  
  
Joey shot Rory a look, although a grin was already starting to form on his face, letting everyone know that he was having the time of his life, including Rory. He brought his head closer to hers and tenderly kissed her on her cheek. ''Are you happy ?''  
  
Rory nodded and faced him, so she could kiss him in response. Before their kiss could get more serious, Lorelai interrupted them. ''Save that for the honeymoon!''  
  
Both Joey and Rory had to laugh, which forced them to break the kiss. A slight blush accompanied Rory's smile, as she reached for her glass of wine, reminding her of the night she and Joey met. Except, when she brought her lips to the glass this time, it wasn't Joey who she saw. It was Jess, who raised his glass in response, although his face remained neutral. Rory lowered her eyes to her wine, thinking that not only did deeds, not words, matter most, they also hurt the most.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Rory looked around the reception, which apparently was a success. They had just cut the cake, which gave most of the people the opportunity to just sit down and catch up with relatives or friends they hadn't seen in a while. She, herself, was standing at a corner of the room, giving her the chance to enjoy the bursts of energy and life around her.  
  
She looked over at where Joey was standing with some of his friends, talking. Friends that had become part of her life too, which was something relatively new to her. She had never had a close bond with the friends of her boyfriend before until she had met Joey. That was what she loved about Joey. He wanted for everyone to get along and if someone didn't, worry lines would appear in his forehead, signaling that he was trying to think of reasons why they simply couldn't get along. He was caring and sensitive to every words she said and every move she made, which Rory found flattering, since she could now openly admit that she was affected by his every word and move too.  
  
Rory gave her husband some time alone with his friends and looked for another interesting sight, which her eyes ran into almost immediately. She caught a glimpse of Jess, as he left the large area and disappeared from her eye-range. Without thinking twice, she got up and casually made her way over to the other end of the room, following him. She found him in wardrobe, where he was putting on his jacket, which seemed ridiculously casual next to his suit.  
  
''Jess..........''  
  
''Rory,'' he said, sounding caught.  
  
''Are you leaving ?''  
  
Jess sighed, as he brought his eyes up to meet Rory's. ''All evidence points towards that direction, doesn't it ?''  
  
''Well, were you going to say goodbye ?'' Rory asked, close to panicking as she remembered how he had left her last time.  
  
Jess shrugged. ''I figured you were probably too busy celebrating.''  
  
Rory couldn't read him as well as he could her, but during the years she had know him she had gotten her share of practice. Especially during the times when they hadn't spoken to one and other. She had managed to find out that whenever he was nervous or lying about something, he wasn't able to hold his focus on anything. His eyes kept moving from her eyes, to the room behind her and back again.  
  
''Liar,'' she almost whispered, which caused Jess to lock eyes with her. His own slightly narrowed.  
  
''Do you ever wonder why I don't tell you things sometimes ? It's because I don't wanna ruin what you have.''  
  
''What do I have ?'' she asked.  
  
''A husband.''  
  
Rory lowered her eyes at the harshness of his voice, not wanting to make him any more upset. He was good at making her feel guilty about things that were supposed to make her smile and feel blessed, like Joey for instance. She had wanted someone like him for a long time. Someone who would stand by her for better or for worse. And although Jess had been there most of the time, he hadn't been there to help her find a salutation to what was bothering her. That was a rare quality Joey had.  
  
''Rory, you have your own life now. One that includes Joey, and it shouldn't matter to you if I care or not, because I don't fit into your life. I didn't back then, and I still don't,'' Jess carefully told her.  
  
''Then why did you come ?'' Rory asked, her voice on the verge of breaking.  
  
''You asked,'' was his simple answer. ''You are one of the only people who has made me feel like I deserved to be there, in Stars Hollow. And I'll still be there tomorrow, but you won't. You will have moved on, which you deserve.''  
  
''But.......,'' Rory started.  
  
''I can't give you what Joey has given you.''  
  
''Can't we be friends ?'' she asked, looking up at him.  
  
''We could, but I won't. I won't be able to be just your friend, and you know that.''  
  
''So, this is it ? I'm not allowed to call you, I'm not allowed to visit you when I'm in Stars Hollow ?''  
  
''Of course you are. I don't want to break all ties with you, but..........''  
  
''You just need some slack,'' Rory finished for him, tears threatening to spill over the borders of her eyes.  
  
Jess saw that her hands were shaking and knew that it would be best to leave, since he could never stand it when she cried. He leaned towards her and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, before taking a few steps towards the exit.  
  
''I'll see you.''  
  
Rory raised her hand, because she couldn't seem to find the right words to say goodbye. Jess threw her one last glance, before slipping through the door. Rory lowered her hand, before leaving the room in search of the nearest bathroom. She had to see for herself how upset she looked. She had to see for herself what Jess still meant to her.  
  
*R*E*V*I*E*W*! Please ? :-) Well, this chapter did work for me, except that for some reason I'm having trouble writing that tension between Jess and Rory, so please let me know how I did on that. And let me know if it worked. Thanks again for the reviews and critique, it was appreciated. :-) 


	4. Fool's Paradise

*Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.  
  
*A/N: Hey! :-) I finally got to read the reviews you guys left me for the third chapter, they definitely were a relief, since I thought that it wasn't that good. So, thanks! :-) I know that some authors thank everyone personally, and just because I don't do that doesn't mean that I'm not grateful. Anyway, enough with the thank you's. I hope you enjoy this chapter. :-)  
  
*~*~*:-)*~*~*Bye, smile :-)  
  
Jess's eyes were enforced on the large poster that hung across from his bed. He tried to keep his focus on the black and white streaks that colored the poster, not paying close enough attention to notice the thick layer of dust that was covering it, because he was too wrapped up in his own thoughts. The ones that made his sleep restless and eventually woke him, preventing him from the sleep he strongly despised but so desperately longed for at the same time.  
  
In his dreams he was able to change his daily fantasies, that would creep into his head when he thought that he had finally found some peace of mind, into scenarios that would tease him to the edge every time, but would never push him over, which would leave him awake in his own frustration and temporarily insomnia. But sleepless nights like these were his most dangerous ones. He was left alone with his desirous thoughts and yearnful emotions that would bundle up into a ball of vulnerability and rest at the bottom of his abdomen, where everything would both begin and end.  
  
The sensation started when he would close his eyes, since his imaginative images were more believable and reliable than the ones he would see when he kept his eyes open and waited for, as the air around him would become thicker and more visible while it transformed into the blurry figure of a young woman. While, in his mind, several pieces of his memory formed a more realisitc and clear image. One which he could hear breathing and feel moving, as she placed both hands on his chest and slowly began to slide them down towards the lowest part of his abdomen, her nails lightly scratching his skin, which seemed extremely sensitive to her touch.  
  
In his mind's eye, he tried to catch a glimpse of her expression, but she would refuse to look up, as if she knew that this was just one of his absurd fantasies. But Jess forgot as soon as he felt her lips placing soft kisses just above his boxer. She tortured him with her unhurried pace and skillful movements, placing the same amount of pressure on each and every one of his muscles. His breathing became more rapid when he felt her lying on top of him, weighing even less than a feather, while she kept her lips still for almost a second, before tracing them up to his neck. Her lips came in contact with his skin two more times, as she brushed her lips on each side of his neck once. It send an uncontrollable shiver through him, which made him grasp for someone that wasn't really there. Just as a bothered groan was about to escape his mouth, she placed hers on top of his, catching the stimulated sound with her tongue, as she tangled it with his. Her hands slid back down towards his abdomen, but evaporated before they could reach his boxer.  
  
His eyes flew open and a gasp left his mouth, before he realized that he was alone with his aggravation once more. He could hear his heart echoing against the dark walls around him and he could feel the rise and fall of his chest, as he placed a hand upon it, waiting but a mere second before lowering it to his abdomen. But he restrained himself from going any further, by removing his hand and blindly reaching for his night table, almost sure that he would find one of his shirts on it. Although the shirt he grabbed, held its share of memories, he still pulled it on, not knowing if there was a shirt in the entire apartment that he hadn't seen her in. Innocent occurrences that left him craving for more afterwards.  
  
He sat up straight, knowing for certain that he wouldn't get any more sleep tonight. His eye dropped from his poster onto the folded newspaper that lay at the foot of his bed. He instantaneously reached for it, not even bothering to make as less noise as possible, since Luke was used to him waking up at the strangest hours and reaching for something to read. However, Jess didn't grab this paper, just because it had been just out of his reach. He grabbed it, because it was another connection to his dreams. One that could even trigger it, when they didn't come willingly.  
  
It was called 'Tick of Time', a newspaper that came out every morning in Hartford, where Rory now lived, and worked, at one of the local, but well- known papers. She didn't only write articles and short stories for the 'Tick of Time', she also wrote a column called: Rory's Confession... Jess opened up the paper to that exact page every day. To the page where she confessed small secrets to every person that took the time to read them. Luckily most of them never caught the meaning behind it and sadly, Jess didn't always get it either. He knew a lot of her old secrets, but surely not her knew ones. Joey probably did. He seemed too perfect not to know, or care.  
  
But if Joey was so perfect, then why did Rory get so upset when he had wanted to distance himself from her, and her husband... He couldn't deny the fact that it twisted something inside of him either, but he thought that since they hadn't really talked for a while that it would make it easier, for the both of them, to deal and live with. But how could he stay away from her when she was with him all the time....  
  
*~*~*  
  
Meanwhile, in another bed, Rory lay awake too, silently pondering about the same thing as Jess, although the answer wasn't a mystery to her at all. After Jess had left that night, she went into a bathroom, so she could look at herself in the mirror. At the sight of her red eyes, which were caused by the fact that she was still fighting against the urge to cry, she had know why she was so hurt.  
  
All those years in Stars Hollow, when they hadn't wasted any breathe to speak to each other, he had still been within the reach of her wandering eyes and if she had wanted to, she could have approached him. But she hadn't. Instead she had waited and stalled, to break the news of her wedding to him, not expecting him to be thrilled by it, but she had expected him to appreciate her words. And for a short while she had believed that he was happy for her, until the day of her wedding.  
  
His words had been real, just like his sudden departure and the fact that she would be living in Hartford from now on. She had wanted to stay close to home, because she didn't want to detach herself completely and she still wanted to be able to get in her car and visit her mother whenever she felt like it. Although she hadn't seen her mother since the wedding. Something was keeping her away from Stars Hollow, a loneliness that would embrace her when she would step into the diner and see him, having to carry the burden of the knowledge that he might not want her there.  
  
Rory turned her at and looked at Joey, who was lying next to her. He was so sweet and caring, the first person that had come close to being her second half, but yet there was something he lacked. Like intriguing flaws or an enticing feature that would carve his untainted persona into something unique. It was hard, waking up next to someone who was this perfect. Especially when she knew that she wasn't. She couldn't help but think that the mistakes she had made in the past were still going to be a part of her future in his eyes. She was afraid of doing something wrong, but at the same time she understood that he wouldn't care.  
  
He had treated her like a princess ever since their first dance. And she felt like one. She felt loved, although the definition of theirs was a careful one, where passion wasn't their main attraction. She sometimes wondered if lust was something that she wanted, if that was indeed a sign of true love or not.  
  
Her mind went back to that memorable day, where a smaller occurence would remain unforgettable in her mind. A lustful gleam had been in Jess's eyes when he had met her eyes in the mirror. His demeanor had held almost a daring confidence, tempting her to cross the line, but she had managed to stop him. And she could honestly say that she had stopped him, because of Joey, whom she loved, although she sometimes wondered if it wasn't a love too sweet, which had the gentleness of a carousel ride, when she really wanted to fell the thrill of a rollercoaster ride.  
  
Rory slid out from underneath the sheets and got up, immediately colliding with her own reflection in the large window that was facing her side of the bed. During the day she would be able to see the sun rise and set, right behind the large park across the street. Now, there was nothing her eyes could detect but darkness and the silhouettes of a few trees and buildings. But her eyes seemed to stare right through the darkness, as she tried to focus them on her reflection. She almost felt guilty for looking so disordered, although her appearance suited the thoughts, that were roaming her sleepy head, perfectly. At night they would come to haunt her, waking her up from her sleep, just to keep her wondering about the what if's of her past, which would eventually lead to the topics that would end up in her confession column sooner or later.  
  
Rory shifted her gaze to the small desk that stood in a corner of the room. A stack of paper was neatly piled onto the left half, while an empty sheet and a few pens occupied the other. She had a computer in the living room, but she rather wrote her ideas down on paper. It made her confessions seem more personal and she had her handwriting as prove, so that when she would start to doubt, she would see that she had written it down herself.  
  
She walked over to the desk and sat down on the chair that was standing in front of it. She reached for a pen and held it above the piece of paper for a moment, as she thought about what she was about to do. But only half a second later, her pen was hastily dancing across the white sheet. This was the only way she could face her emotions and hopefully forget them at the same time. And the beauty of it was, was that she was letting out her emotions without actually letting them slip out off her mouth.  
  
And everyone would read something different into it. Each vision would be different and it would encourage people to mail her their responses, which she would add to the column. Of course she would have to announce this subject in one of her columns before that in order to get the responses in time to add them, but she would get the chance to read other people's thoughts. And she truly hoped that she wasn't the only one on this planet who would still be considered hung up on her ex.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Joey looked at his wife, who had obviously fallen asleep at her desk a few hours before. He still couldn't believe how wrapped up she was in her work. It was almost like an obsession, one he adored and admired. He had never met anyone who was so passionate about writing and expression themselves. Rory was a very open person, which made her even more attractive in his eyes, since he was like that too. He liked to talk about everything and absolutely nothing at the same time. Something that was hard, because of his profession.  
  
He yawned, before throwing his covers off and getting out of bed, revealing his bare chest and grey boxers. He wasn't the most confident person, even though he could put on a flawless act of one if it was required, but with Rory there was no need to be insecure about anything. He knew that she, unlike some of his ex-girlfriends, didn't fall in love with him because of his body. Shprefereded his knowledge and sincere attitude instead.  
  
He walked over to her, knowing that he had to wake her, otherwise she would be late for work. He placed his fingers on her cheek, so he could caress it as he tried to wake her in a gentle manner. Rory stirred, causing a rumpled piece of paper to be revealed. Joey quickly scanned the first few words, realizing that this must be for her column. He had to admit that he never read it. Simply, because he wanted to discover all of those things for himself. This time, however, his curiosity got the best of him and he read the small paragraph, not bothered by the fact that verbs were left out. When he finished, he decided not to read too much in to it. He never knew how much truth could be read into columns like these, that were created only to get a reaction out of a large crowd.  
  
When he heard her moan, he focused his gaze on her again, waiting for her to open her eyes and realize where she was. She always had to be given the time to completely wake up.  
  
Rory's eyes slowly opened, as she moaned his name, ''Joey.....''  
  
''Morning.''  
  
''It can't be morning,'' Rory said, as she sat up straight and rested her head upon the palms of her hands. ''The sun's...........'' She stopped when she saw their bed bathing in brightness.  
  
''.....evil.''  
  
Joey softly chuckled, knowing that it was too early to make obvious fun of her, and leaned in to kiss her on her cheek.  
  
''Go get ready for work. I'll make coffee.''  
  
Rory smiled and let her eyes fall closed again. ''You're nice.''  
  
Joey shook his head with amusement, before leaving the room.  
  
Rory remained on the edge of sleep for a few more minutes, before she forced herself to get up and take a shower. After her shower, they would both sit down and have breakfast, like they did every morning.....  
  
*R*E*V*I*E*W*! Please ? :-) I know, nothing big happened in this chapter and it is on the short side, but I had to put this one in, because it explains Rory's column, what she does, and more importantly what she thinks. Ditto with Jess, only minus the work and column thing....... :-) I'll try to update asap, but you know the whole patience is a virtue deal and then there's school...... So, thanks for taking the time to read this and check out my Lit one parter: Chimera, if you have the timero. Bye :-) 


	5. Broken Frame

*Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.  
  
*A/N: Hey!!! :-) I was having trouble with this chapter and ended up rewriting it more than once, so I hope this will do and I also hope that you like it.  
  
*~*~*:-)*~*~*Bye, smile :-)  
  
''The dark scares me..... Ever since I was a little girl I have been afraid of it. I was even more afraid of the night than I was off dark rooms. At night the darkness seemed so overpowering, because the entire world outside would be covered in its dark shadows. Up until this day, I still sleep with a night light.....''  
  
*Flashback*  
  
Rory was sitting on the bridge, her legs almost reaching the water, although her eyes had averted themselves from the dark pool as soon as she had sat down. This had caused her to miss the moon's reflection in it together with Jess's eyes as they studied the reproduction of her, that seemed to be lying on top of the water as it slightly faltered with every stray undulation. Rory kept her eyes fixed on her hands that lay clasped in her lap, but she couldn't help taking notice of the lurking shadows, that surrounded her, out of the corners of her eyes.  
  
As the leaves rustled and the wood of the boards creaked underneath an invisible and ominous weight, Rory's heart started to beat just slightly faster and the feeling of panic didn't leave her mind when she thought about the childish innocence her belief held. She knew better than to believe in unseen threat and stories of apparitions that felt at home in this darkness. That was why she prefered summer, its days were longer, not giving the night a chance to capture her.  
  
When the wind picked up in a long and eerie howl, she shivered and inched closer to the person beside her, who she had followed over to this place that was hidden behind the branches of trees and the leaves that decorated them. He would be able to turn night into days and nightmares into daydreams when he talked to her. It was a safe feeling, a feeling of recklessness and love on a certain level. A feeling he could take just as easily as he could give it with a blank expression or a few careless words. He has the power to purposely hurt you and shut you out if you asked too many questions. Rory had learned when was the appropriate time to ask and when not.  
  
A smile appeared on her face as she felt Jess slide a free arm around her waist. This was one of those moments when she didn't have a single doubt about him in her mind. She knew that he was paying attention to her, although his eyes remained fixed on the pages in front of him, which were rustling freely in the wind.  
  
She turned her head and hide her face in the nape of his neck. Her warm and familiar breath grazed against Jess's skin, making it hard for him to concentrate on the words that were slowly blurring as he felt Rory's fingers grasp at the hem of his shirt, causing for his hands to shake every time she slipped a little lower.  
  
''Jess, are you almost done reading ?'' came her childish question, although the affect her soft whisper was having on him was anything but innocent.  
  
His thoughts wandered to forbidden places as he fought to keep his expression normal. ''Why ?''  
  
''Cause I wanna go home.''  
  
''You followed me here,'' Jess pointed out, his voice just above a whisper, as he lowered his eyes to her fingers.  
  
''I don't wanna walk home alone,'' was her pure remark, although Jess's interpretation was making his blood boil with infatuation.  
  
''I don't like the dark,'' Rory clarified.  
  
''Then why come here in the first place ?'' Jess asked, bringing his eyes up to look at her.  
  
She lifted her head from his shoulder and met his eyes, not intimidated by the darkness in them, simply because she trusted him and had accepted the fact that he had secrets he didn't want to share and a past he wasn't proud of. Rory reached for his face and lowered her eyes to his lips as she traced the line of his jaw with her index finger.  
  
''Because you were here.''  
  
Jess followed her eyes as they traced her finger, fascinated by her concentration and careful touch, like she was afraid to hurt him.  
  
''What are you doing ?'' he asked, his voice sounding a little rougher than usual, because of his rapid breaths.  
  
''Trying to find an imperfection,'' Rory answered simply.  
  
She wanted to lower her hand, but Jess grabbed it before it could drop and pulled her closer, pulling her lips onto his. He could hear Rory gasp right before their lips met. He immediately parted his so Rory's tongue would be tempted to enter. As their tongues continued to reach for each other, Jess playfully tugged at the strands of hair that were sprawled out on her back. Meanwhile Rory had one hand placed at the back of his neck, holding on to their kiss as long as she could, while her other was resting on his chest, before it started to slid down his torso. But he caught her hand before it would end up too low and broke the kiss.  
  
''Rory,'' he half whispered and half moaned.  
  
''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to,'' she apologized, as she lowered her eyes to where Jess was gripping her hand.  
  
A blush revealed itself to Jess's studying gaze. ''I'll walk you home.''  
  
Rory embarrassingly nodded and nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Jess helped her up, not missing how uncomfortable she was with the entire situation. He wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close until their sides were firmly touching.  
  
''You did nothing wrong.''  
  
Rory smiled, although he only caught a glimpse before she buried her face in his neck again, silently torturing him and hiding from the night at the same time.  
  
*End of Flashback*  
  
A wistful look softened Jess's expression as he relived this random memory. A memory brought upon him by the small article he still had his eyes fixed on. He had had these flashes of his past taunting him during the day, when he couldn't get too lost in his nightly fantasies that would make him lose his hold on his concentration, just like he had done when Rory had intruded in his closeness during his reverie. It had been vivid enough to make him shiver, as if he could actually feel her breath upon his skin, and it had been real enough to make him feel a sensation, that seemed forbidden during this time of the day, when he remembered the eager touch of her fingers.  
  
Jess's spiral of thoughts came tumbling down when Taylor's voice forced his feet back onto the ground, although they were never planted firmly enough.  
  
''That costs money, you know ?!''  
  
''Huh, and here I thought those small number were just for decoration,'' Jess said, without really thinking about his response.  
  
''Well, they're certainly not,'' Taylor started. ''They're there for a purpose, one that everyone seems to get except............''  
  
''Geez, Taylor, take a tranquilizer or something, I'm sure you sell those too,'' Jess said, as he handed Taylor the money for the paper, 'Tick of Time', in exact change.  
  
He nodded at Taylor before turning around and heading back to the diner, where he still worked, even though he had taken some night classes and earned a degree in politics and a certification of excellence in creative writing. He had never thought that he would end up studying politics, although he did have an interest in it. One that he had developed throughout the years and had decided to put to a good use. Creative writing was another story. He had enjoyed writing ever since he was a little boy. He would escape the harshness of his reality by creating a new setting for his childhood and spin an imaginative tale around it. But for some reason he hadn't managed to pack up his things and leave, ever since he moved back a few years ago. Partly because he had spend all the money he had saved on courses and night classes at a local college and another part of him didn't want to leave Stars Hollow, because he had eventually found a home here, and he was afraid of getting homesick if he left.  
  
Jess smirked at the thought as he entered the diner. He smelled Lorelai's blackest of black coffee before even reaching the counter, which only lead to another obsessive memory. Jess passed both his uncle and Lorelai, planning on going upstairs so he could go through the paper he had just bought. He was so wrapped up in his longing, which he was trying to desperately deny, that he didn't notice the lack of conversation between Luke and the usual chipper Lorelai. But before he could slip through the curtains that separated the apartment from the rest of the diner, Luke's watchful gaze caught his actions.  
  
''Where do you think you're going ?''  
  
''Guess,'' was Jess's response, as he pushed the curtain aside and made an attempt to leave, but Luke stopped him by throwing a pen at him.  
  
''You're shift just started.''  
  
Luke gave him a pointed look, before disappearing into the kitchen. Jess rolled his eyes as he stuffed the rolled up newspaper in his back pocket, a movement Lorelai didn't miss. Jess grabbed one of the yellow notepads that always seemed to be lying around and started to go around the counter, but Lorelai reached for his arm as he passed. Jess abruptly stopped and moved his eyes from Lorelai's face to his arm and back again, letting her know that he didn't appreciate the fact that she was touching him. Lorelai noticed his discomfort and let go of his arm, meeting his eyes in the process as if to silently apologize. During her concern she had forgotten for a few seconds that they weren't that close.  
  
''I know this is none of my business, but have you spoken to Rory lately ?''  
  
Jess shook his head. ''No, why ?''  
  
Lorelai shrugged. ''Don't know.''  
  
''Hasn't she called you ?'' Jess carefully asked.  
  
Lorelai nodded, before a small smile took over her features, straightening the small lines in her forehead. ''Practically every day. She just hasn't visited for a while.''  
  
''She's probably busy with her job and in the process of adjusting to married life,'' Jess said, trying to give some sort of comfort to her.  
  
''Yeah, that's probably it.'' Lorelai nodded and lowered her eyes to her coffee for a few stray seconds, before raising them to Jess's face again. ''Things between you are......?''  
  
Jess shrugged, trying to remain unaffected by the sad reality of Lorelai's earlier words, she hadn't visited in a while. ''She has Joey by her side day and night, so........'' The harshness of his words was meant to hide the sadness and disappointed from Lorelai's observant eyes.  
  
Lorelai felt sorry for Jess. It must have been hard for him to let go of Rory completely. To forget about her for her sake, although Lorelai could only guess how hung up they both still were on each other. She knew that her daughter had found her perfect match, but perfection could end up being boring and Lorelai also knew that the chemistry between Jess and Rory had never completely faded. Sparks were still there and now that Rory was officially married, she had fallen out of Jess's reach. And Lorelai felt sorry for Jess, but she was also scared, scared of the fact that Rory seemed to be detaching herself from everything that might threaten her perfect life and relationship with Joey. Lorelai wondered if Rory had told Joey about Jess and their rocky, but memorable past. He was the reason why Rory felt threatened, threatened by the first flaw that could invade her life and possibly ruin it if she let it.  
  
Jess was thinking the same thing as he made his way over to a table. He knew that Rory had made herself a stranger to this town, because of him and his unavoidable presence, one she would be forced to face if she would visit. But he also understood that he had partly brought this on himself when he asked her for some space. Space he had desperately needed after seeing Joey slide a ring around her finger and seeing how happy they were together. Unlike Lorelai, he didn't know if it was all a facade, but he had seen Rory's reaction when he said that, and she never spilled a single tear over something that she had already cried over.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Rory sat behind her desk, staring at the several paragraphs that decorated her computer screen. She had just read her article for the third time and she still wasn't satisfied with the result, yet she couldn't find anything that needed changing in her eyes. She sighed and opened up another file. This was tomorrow's confession, one she had to get out in the open as soon as she could, because she wanted to know what other people would think about it. She was so desperate that she had called the newsroom this morning, while Joey was in the kitchen preparing breakfast, so she could make a minor change to today's issue. She had almost ordered them to announce this topic in her confession column instead of the one they had planned on only a few days ago.  
  
Rory felt a little guilty about not telling Joey about what she had written down last night and the memories that lay behind it, but she had to express her feelings. And people who didn't know her wouldn't be able to judge her, because they didn't know about Jess and the detailed history they had had together.  
  
She knew that there were still some lingering feelings there by the way she had savored the kisses he had giving her on her wedding day, when no one was around to see. His kisses were always sensual, because of the slow movements of his lips and the time he took to place them. Rory couldn't deny not still being fascinated by him, by his clear presence although he didn't say a lot and by his skillful way of moving. She got distracted from her thoughts by the familiar figure that had entered her office and was standing in the door frame.  
  
''Joey, what are you doing here ?'' she asked, trying to sound pleased instead of surprised by his sudden appearance.  
  
''I thought I would pick you up and take you to dinner, unless you're too busy.''  
  
Rory smiled. ''Are you kidding ? Let me just get my jacket.''  
  
She got up and walked over to him, placing a quick kiss on his cheek before leaving her office to get her jacket.  
  
Joey took his opportunity to walk over to her desk and sit down. He was always interested in how she would build up her articles and how she would make every single own come out as inviting and enjoyable to read. But as his eyes landed on the small paragraph in front of him, he knew that there was another truth hiding underneath this one. He quickly read the article, just like he did last night, only this time he couldn't help but become suspicious and read something in to it.  
  
*~*~*  
  
''So,'' Joey started, as he looked up from his plate. ''I have been wondering about something for a while now. What was that name of the guy at your wedding again ?''  
  
''What ?'' Rory asked, trying to sound as casual as she could, while her mind was already stirring up a variety of emotions.  
  
''That guy, I know you introduced me to him, but I forgot his name and I was just trying to remember it.''  
  
''Why ?'' Rory asked, as she lowered her eyes and took another bite of her food.  
  
''You know me, I'll just keep thinking about it until I finally do remember, but it's kinda distracting, so I was hoping you could help me.''  
  
Rory shrugged. ''It's just a name.''  
  
''I know,'' Joey said. ''But I assume he's a friend of yours and it would be kind of rude for me not to remember his name.''  
  
''We're not friends,'' Rory declared.  
  
''Well, you invited him to our wedding, so............''  
  
''Jess and I used to be friends,'' Rory interrupted, hoping that Joey would stop asking questions now that he got what he wanted, something he was good at.  
  
''So, he's a non friend from your past ?'' Joey asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
''Uhm, yeah, something like that.''  
  
Joey watched Rory's nervous movements as they tugged at her hair and knew that she wasn't telling him the entire story. ''Rory, is this subject making you uncomfortable ?''  
  
''No, no, I'm just surprised,'' Rory answered. She lowered her hands back to the table when she realized that she had been giving herself away all this time, although Joey had never managed to read her as well ass Jess. ''So many of my friends were at the wedding, so why remember him out of......them all ?''  
  
Joey shrugged. ''Most of your friends have been out to dinner with us or something like that and he hasn't, Jess hasn't, I mean.''  
  
''He isn't exactly a people person,'' Rory explained. ''Why the sudden interest anyway ?''  
  
''Just curious, that's all,'' Joey answered, although he was positive that at least part of her answer had been a lie. It would have explained why she went and followed Jess when he had left the party without telling anyone, but it didn't explain the redness in Rory's eyes when she had joined him again. Normally he didn't have trouble believing her, but right now he was doubting her answer. And for the first time he realized that her confessions held more truth to them than he felt comfortable with.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Rory waited until she heard the shower run, before grabbing the phone and sitting down on the bed. Her fingers automatically found the right numbers and before she knew it she came in contact with a voice she had missed and had only heard in her dreams lately.  
  
''Luke's diner, if you want fries we've got it,'' Jess said mockingly, as he answered the phone, rolling his eyes at Luke who was glaring at him.  
  
''Jess, it's me.''  
  
''Rory ?''  
  
''Yeah, uhm, how are you ?''  
  
''I still have both arms and legs,'' came his answer, which made Rory smile. ''You ?''  
  
''Okay, I guess.''  
  
''Don't tell me there's trouble in paradise already,'' Jess joked, although he was completely serious.  
  
''No, I........ maybe, I'm sorry I called.''  
  
''Why ?''  
  
''Because you made it perfectly clear that you wanted some space and now I'm calling you............''  
  
''Why are you calling ?'' Jess interrupted.  
  
''Well, we haven't spoken for a while and.......'' Rory sighed. ''People here don't read.''  
  
Jess softly chuckled at her answer. ''Glad to know I can still be of service.''  
  
Rory was just about to respond when the bathroom door opened and Joey came out, dressed in a pair of sweats only.  
  
''I'm sorry, I have to go.''  
  
Before Jess could tell her goodbye she hung up.  
  
''Who was that ?''  
  
''My mom,'' Rory lied.  
  
Joey nodded. ''So, the bathroom's all yours now.''  
  
Rory smiled and got up. ''Thanks.''  
  
They shared a brief kiss, before she entered the bathroom and locked the door behind her, something she did often, although they were married and had seen each other naked before. Joey walked over to the phone and pressed the redial button without thinking about it. After two rings someone finally answered.  
  
''Luke's diner...............''  
  
Joey hung up and let out a silent groan as a look of disapproval took over his features. He had just found the evidence of her messily told lie, one that she wasn't covering up thoroughly enough.  
  
R*E*V*I*E*W*! Please ? :-) Well, my opinions on this chapter........could have been better, but then again it can always be better. I hope Joey's suspicioun and Rory's doubts came across. Anyway, lemme know and I'm really thankful for the reviews I got on the last chapter. You guys have been very kind so far. Thanks :-) 


	6. White Lie

*Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.  
  
*A/N: Hey, I know that it has been two weeks since I updated, but the chapter gave me some problems. No writer's block or anything, just certain parts or........okay, I just wanted everything to be like I wanted them to be. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter.  
  
*~*~*:-)*~*~*Bye, smile :-)  
  
Jess was lying on his bed. It was still early. The sun was set low on the horizon and was aiming its rays onto the wall across from his bed. They were creating a variety of different shapes on the wall. Shapes he had to give a name and definition, otherwise they would just remain unidentified and non-existent. It was a game he would play when he was younger. Every morning he would awake early, but he could almost never leave his room before it was twelve PM, because he would never know in what state his mother would be, or her boyfriend for that matter. So, he would lay in his room until the shapes had reached the beginning of the ceiling. That was the sign for him to get up, knowing that the morning had just shifted into noon.  
  
Except here, in Stars Hollow, in Luke's diner, he didn't have to wait until noon to get out of bed, although he often did, just to frustrate Luke, since he knew that his regular shift had just started two or three hours ago. He actually didn't mind the early hours. He always awoke at nine in the morning and could never go back to sleep, no matter how hard he tried. He was an early bird, just like his uncle, something he was willing to deny and take with him to the grave. It were the people in the diner that made him want to go back up to the apartment. They were always so cheerful, as if every day was miracle, a new chance. And maybe it was, but lately every day seemed like a routine that got more tiring with every day that passed.  
  
When Rory still lived here, they always seemed to have places to go and time to spend in a bookstore. Her company had made his daily life more exciting. And even in the period when they hadn't been talking to each other, they would still occasionally bump into each other at familiar places. Their game of hide and seek had loosened up the tight knots of the routinary day and made it just a little more than ordinary. It had been somewhat of a challenge, but now life was too easy, and dull. Every day was the same. He would work a couple of hours in the diner and then spend the rest of the day reading. Jess knew that he could do more. He was smart enough to get a better job than working in his uncle's diner, but that would mean that he would have to leave Stars Hollow..... Something he had done a few times before, but eventually he always ended up here.  
  
Jess sighed and reached for this morning's edition of 'Tick of Time'. The fact that he didn't have to go out and get the paper himself had probably been a courtesy of Luke's not so subtle observatory skills. But Jess was grateful nonetheless. As soon as he touched the paper his mind subconsciously traveled back to the phone call he had had with Rory yesterday. He had changed the dialogue of that particular conversation more than a few times. It would suddenly become more meaningful and deep and it would end with Rory telling him that she missed him. But he would always be pulled back into reality when he remembered how their conversation had come to and abrupt end when she had all of a sudden just hung up on him without further explanation. The dialing tone had sounded harsh in his ears, like she had finally chosen to disconnect him from her life forever. It was understandable that she had chosen Joey over him, since he was her husband, but it still hit a distant nerve.  
  
He unfolded the paper and immediately flipped it open to the page where her daily confession was printed.  
  
''The past..... it's always there, reminding us of our mistakes and every single lesson we have learned, either the easy or the hard way. Most of mine were learned the hard way, which make the memories even more vivid, but also regretful. If I could control the hands of time, I would turn them back so I could undo some of my choices, in the hope of not making as many mistakes. I would have also done a lot of things differently. I would have been more forgiving towards certain people. People I used to see every day. People I used to know, and understand....... I blame no one but myself for letting an old flame die and not trying as hard as I should have.''  
  
He had been willing to put up a struggle to discover the deeper meaning that was hidden between the lines, but the walls of the message almost immediately crumbled when he read the last sentence. Rory had always been good at expressing her feelings verbally, but when she decided to write them down, they became self-explanatory most of the time. The message filled him with hope, but made him lose faith at the same time. She obviously regretted not trying as hard to reach him and let him be, but the reality behind the message was that she had indeed moved on. She had move on, not with him, but with someone who didn't necessarily loved her more, but did understand her better and was willing to answer more of her questions than he had done.  
  
In the back of his mind there was also the possibility that Rory wasn't even talking about him in her most recent confession, but since he couldn't remember her ever telling him about an ex-boyfriend or another crush, he just assumed that she was referring to him. Maybe he had it all wrong, but he needed to tell himself a white lie in order to find the courage that he needed for his next action.  
  
He dropped the paper onto the floor and reached for the phone. He sat up straight and rested back against the headboard, a position he had found himself in whenever he had made one of his calls to Rory. He dialed the number of the home she now shared with Joey, only knowing it because everyone at the wedding had gotten a small card with their address and phone number. The small white card he used as a bookmark, which reminded him constantly of the torture he was putting himself through by a decision he had made himself. Right now he was willing to admit that he had been wrong and break the agreement that he and Rory had made on the day of her wedding. He wanted a new start, another chance at a renewed friendship with her, even though he knew that it would only complicate things between them, just like the phone call he was making right now. He was about to take things out of perspective.  
  
He brought the phone to his ear and waited, anxiously. When someone picked up after the fourth ring, it felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulder, because he wouldn't be able to turn back now.  
  
''Hello?''  
  
When Jess recognized Joey's voice he felt slightly disappointed, but also relieved, because it gave him a few more seconds to think things through. What did he really want?  
  
''Can I speak to Rory?''  
  
''May I ask who's calling?''  
  
''Jess, Jess Mariano,'' he quickly added, realizing that he wasn't even sure if Joey could tag the name to his face.  
  
''I'm sorry, but she's not here. You want me to give her a message?''  
  
''No, thanks anyway,'' Jess said, before quickly hanging up.  
  
He was almost sure that he had heard the shower running in the background, which would have been evidence of the fact that she had indeed been there. Joey's slightly bitter tone just added to Jess's suspicion. He had heard the struggle it took Joey to remain from asking him why he was calling. Either Rory had told them about their past and he had been so curt, because he didn't trust Jess's intentions, or Joey had no clue of the relationship he had a couple of years ago with his wife. Jess knew that he had probably gotten Rory into some trouble, but he wasn't worried. If Joey and Rory's relationship was as strong as it seemed to be, it wouldn't budge at this small detail.  
  
*~*~*  
  
''Who was that?'' Rory asked, as she came out of the bathroom, aware of how familiar that question sounded.  
  
''Oh, just a wrong number,'' Joey said, as he hung up the phone while carelessly shrugging his shoulders.  
  
He looked over at Rory, who was now standing in front of the closet, dressed in only her underwear and a white blouse. He caught a reflection of her in the mirror, which was placed on one of the closet doors, and couldn't help but smile at how beautiful she looked. Even with her hair tousled and no make-up to cover, what she called, her zombie skin, simply because it was just slightly lighter than most of the people she knew. He found the color delicate, one that went perfectly with the soft pink color of her lips and the faint blush on her cheeks. He had told her that a million times, but still she complained, when she had to know by now that he loved her the way she was. He never aimed for perfection, because he knew that that was impossible, although Rory came close enough.  
  
She was so genuine and concerned, with worrying about silly little things throughout the entire day. And he felt bad for lying to her about the phone call, but she hadn't been completely honest with him either. He knew that she was hiding something, although he didn't exactly know what. He did know that it involved Jess. It was still unclear who he was and what his role was in the life of his wife. But when he had started about one of her friends at the wedding during dinner last night, she had immediately assumed that he had been talking about Jess and had therefore taken the bate and given him reason to doubt. He wanted to know who this Jess Mariano was. He wanted her to tell him in her own words who was trying to reach out for her.....  
  
Joey walked up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist, causing Rory to gasp in surprise, because she hadn't been paying attention to his presence. She had been too busy looking for her favorite pair of jeans. The ones that she had had for over 6 years, but still didn't want to throw away, simply because they were just right. Not too tight just casually comfortable enough. And they made her feel better about herself, no matter how strange that might sound. Rory smiled and placed her hands on the top of his arms, appreciating his intimate gesture. This was something he would do several times a day. He would just walk up to her and hug her, letting her know that he appreciated her. And that was something she needed right now, no matter how selfish that sounded. But Joey's next words made her feel just that, selfish and guilty, causing her smile to falter.  
  
''Tell me about Jess,'' was his sudden request, one that made Rory's blue eyes search for his, as if she wanted to be sure that she had heard the question correctly.  
  
''Why?''  
  
Joey shrugged, as he pulled her closer and rested his head on her shoulder. ''He's a part of your past and I want to know as much about it as I can, because it's a part of you.'' Joey paused long enough to place a kiss at the nape of her neck, before continuing. ''I've been honest with you.''  
  
Rory nodded. She knew how persistent he was and how he would tempt her into telling him by seducing her with his soft lips and gentle fingers until she would close her eyes and tell him anything he wanted to know. She had been drawn to him from the moment she had seen him, but it was his irresistable way of touching her and making her feel loved, that had finally dragged her down completely.  
  
''What do you wanna know?''  
  
''How did you two meet?'' Joey whispered against her ear, causing Rory to shiver unwillingly, because she didn't want to give in to the power he had over her, although she did.  
  
''He moved to Stars Hollow...........and the first time we met I noticed that he had an interest in books too, and after that we just.........''  
  
''You just what?'' Joey asked, knowing fully well that he had distracted her and had caused her gasp of surprise when he had slid his hands down to the bare skin of her hips and pulled her closer.  
  
''.......we started to talk a lot and discovered that we had a lot in common, liked the same books........''  
  
''More in common than with me?'' Joey interrupted skillfully, as he drew little circles on her hips, before tightening his grip on them. He tightened them until a painful sensation went through Rory, one she didn't find pleasant at all.  
  
''We didn't always get along. We had a lot of fights. He's not so talkative and just as stubborn as me, so we had our shares of collisions.'' Rory said, choosing purposely not to answer the question, because she didn't know what she would tell him.  
  
It was true that she had more in common with Jess than she had with Joey, but she liked to believe that opposites did attract, because otherwise her relationship with Jess wouldn't have lasted as long as it did. They had a lot of things in common, but their personalities clashed, which had been an issue ever since their first conversation.  
  
''Sounds like you knew him well?'' Joey gently pushed.  
  
Rory hesitantly nodded, as she met his eyes in the mirror, although they were hooded beneath his lashes. Something he did when he wasn't sure how to feel about a certain situation.  
  
''Yeah, we spend a lot of time.......together.'' she carefully said, not wanting to tell a lie more than was needed.  
  
''As friends?'' Joey asked, while he unclasped his hands and pulled them back, leaving Rory feeling even more guilty than she already did.  
  
She swallowed the clump in her throat before answering, knowing that it shouldn't be such a big deal to tell him, especially since Jess wasn't her main priority anymore. He was.....  
  
''We dated for a while,'' she answered, while she tried to lock eyes with him in the mirror, but not managing too.  
  
''What happened?'' Joey asked, while he crossed his arms, something he did when he was curious.  
  
Rory shrugged, trying to make her next words come out more casual than they really were. Pretending that she was completely over the situation.  
  
''One day he just left, without a word.''  
  
''Were you upset?'' Joey asked, wanting to understand what Rory must have gone through, while he was desperately trying to contain the jealousy that was beginning to rise inside of him.  
  
''Yeah, we didn't talk for a while.''  
  
''What made you tell him about the wedding?''  
  
''Well, it was my big day and we are.......were, are,'' Rory said, not knowing what she and Jess were anymore. ''......are friends. And I wanted all my friends to be there on my big day and celebrate it with me. Besides, maybe I wanted to show him that I have gotten over everything.''  
  
''Have you?'' Joey asked calmly.  
  
''Of course.''  
  
''Then why didn't you tell me about him?''  
  
''Because it didn't seem important. He decided that we should take a break from each other, create some distance between each other and I accepted. Why tell you about someone who I hardly see anymore?'' Rory innocently finished, before a silence wrapped around them like a cloak.  
  
She turned around to fully face him, while she waited for his response.  
  
''Do you still care about him?'' Joey finally asked.  
  
''As much as I care about my other friends.''  
  
''So, the article you wrote for your confession column had nothing to do with him?''  
  
Rory's eyes became bigger, she was scared at how close Joey was coming to the core of her emotions.  
  
''I mean, was he your only boyfriend, before me?'' he continued.  
  
''Yeah, if you could call him that,'' Rory quickly added, trying to reassure him.  
  
''Then the old flame you were referring to in your article wasn't Jess?''  
  
''I thought you didn't read those?''  
  
Joey shrugged. ''They never seemed interesting enough. So, tell me, were you referring to Jess?''  
  
Rory sighed. ''Joey, come on.........''  
  
''How come you can't give me a straight answer, Ror?''  
  
Rory sighed and ran a hand through her hair. ''Yes! I was referring to Jess, but only because he was the only boyfriend I have had in my past and I was talking about my past..........''  
  
''And you had to talk about him?'' Joey asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
''I........... I don't know what to say,'' Rory started. ''It's just an article, to entertain people, win readers, it's very commercial.''  
  
''So you make all of those confessions up?''  
  
''Well, no.''  
  
Joey nodded. ''Then I guess we're done talking.''  
  
As another brief silence took over them, Rory leaned back against the mirror, while her eyes held Joey's hidden ones, wondered what he was going to do next.  
  
''He called.''  
  
''Who?'' Rory asked, playing dumb, for Joey's sake.  
  
''Jess,'' Joey calmly said, before turning around and leaving the bedroom.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Jess fished a cigarette out of the front pocket of his jeans, where he always kept a cigarette just in case he had one of his bad days. He hardly ever smoked anymore, but every now and then he still lit up. When he was all alone, just because it was a hard habit to let go off and sometimes he just wanted to feel the taste of nicotine in his mouth, and blow out the smoke in a long puff, because it was something that relaxed him.  
  
He took his lighter out and lit the cigarette, which he had already taken a drag off before he had even placed the lighter back into his pocket. As he exhaled he started to walk over to the middle of the bridge, aware of the way the boards creaked underneath his weight. Over the years the bridge had slowly decayed. The wood had rotted and would creak if so much as a leave fell onto it. Taylor had tried raising money to repair the bridge a few times, but the money always went to some other cause, one that was much more important to everyone else in the town. Only he and Rory knew the beauty of this place and the serenity it had handed them on a silver platter, time and time again.  
  
He still came here to read and relive some of his most precious memories. Memories of him and Rory, which only made his aching for her worse, but he couldn't bare to stay away either. He took another long drag and looked down at the spot beside him. He studied it carefully, like there was something there that only he could see. And in a way there was. It was a creation of his mind, one that had been real years ago. One that still made him smile.  
  
*Flashback*  
  
He had been watching her for a while now. She was sitting in the middle of the bridge, with her legs hanging over the edge of the bridge. She had taken off her shoes a while ago and they were now resting next to her, looking so out of place underneath the weeping willows and on the wooden boards. Just like she did. Her appearance didn't suit her surroundings, although it did make for an unforgettable picture. She was wearing a bridesmaid dress in a light pink color that only accentuated her natural beauty and breathtaking eyes. Its long skirt was rustling in the wind as it blew around her legs, mimicking her curled strands of hair, which were flying across her face. Yet she didn't make any attempt to tuck them behind her ears. Instead her hands were both placed flatly on the rough wood of the bridge beside her.  
  
The sun was setting and the early evening sky almost matched the color of her dress perfectly. Music was playing in the background and the excited screams of young women were heard as Sookie threw the bouquet. A site Rory hadn't wanted to miss, but for some reason she felt drawn to this place on this particular night. Perhaps because she wanted to think of a certain picnic she had had on this same spot, or maybe she just wanted some time alone to think of everything. But it was clear to her that something different was hanging in the air, like the scent of rain that she could smell hours before it actually started to pour down.  
  
The unexplainable feeling was making her nervous, although Jess couldn't tell, from where he had been standing all this time. In his eyes she looked beautiful and more grown up than she usually did. He knew that it was the dress which added a few years to her actual age and although she look bewitching, just sitting there while the wind was toying with her hair, he preferred the subtle beauty that normally enchanted her, because it brought even more focus onto her eyes, which were what had attracted him to her in the first place. It gave him the belief that she could look right through him, when really she couldn't, no matter how much she wanted to or tried.  
  
He approached the bridge quietly, but as soon as he had set his first step onto the bridge, he knew that she had already heard his footsteps and it was no surprise when she turned her head and searched for his figure in the owl-light. When she recognized his dark eyes and intimidating figure, a light smile glorified her. Although surprise could be seen in her eyes, her smile never faltered as he slowly took a few more steps towards her.  
  
''What are you doing here?''  
  
Jess shrugged, as he lowered himself down to her height and sat down, his legs mimicking hers, although hers seemed more elegant in this position. He caught a glimpse of the milky white skin of her legs as the wind lifted her dress just a couple of inches, but before he could let himself get too distracted, he brought his eyes up to hers.  
  
''New York didn't work out.''  
  
''So, you're staying?'' Rory asked, as she held his gaze.  
  
Jess nodded. ''If you don't mind, of course.''  
  
Rory's smile widened and became more genuine and clear to Jess, which softened his own expression. ''I'm glad you're back.''  
  
Rory paused just long enough for the wind to make its presence clear. ''I missed you.''  
  
She briefly lowered her eyes, before bringing them up to Jess's again, curious about the sincerity in his eyes, which shone through with a great intensity.  
  
''What?'' she self-consciously asked.  
  
''You look beautiful,'' Jess said, causing Rory to blush and lower her gaze once again.  
  
Jess saw this as an opportunity to lean in and place his lips lightly against hers. Rory's eyes shot up to his and for a second he saw the panic arise in her expression, but it subsided quickly and she pressed his lips against his. Jess enjoyed how she carefully took the lead and let him know that she didn't want to move too fast. After a few more seconds her eyes fell closed, but his didn't. He just wanted to enjoy the beauty of this night, of this moment, with her.  
  
*End of Flashback*  
  
Jess unconsciously licked his lips as he threw his cigarette in the water, knowing that it wouldn't help him relax, not after this particular memory. One of the first he had stored and learned to treasure, even now. He wanted to slip his hands in his back pockets, but was stopped by the paperback that was occupying one of them. Immediately he pulled it out and flipped it open to the page where he left off. He could easily find it, because of the white card he had placed between the pages earlier. He stared at it for a while, before taking it and closing his book.  
  
*~*~*  
  
Rory was lying on the bed, with the phone in her hands, wondering if she should call him or not. She knew that she probably shouldn't call, because things would get even more difficult and unsolvable if she did, between her and Joey as well as between her and Jess. If she wanted to keep her marriage out of dangerous waters she would erase Jess's number from her memory and never think of him again, never look back at their past together, but for some reason she couldn't, stay away from him. Her mind was always reaching out for his image, even when she was with Joey. Which wasn't fair towards him, she knew and understood that, but yet she couldn't control her mind, not when it came to Jess.  
  
She loved Joey, she really did. He had been a great boyfriend and as a husband he was even more amazing and understandable, but not of this situation that they were in right now, and she couldn't blame him. If she loved him like she thought she did, then she shouldn't be thinking of Jess. Maybe she was just thinking of him so much, because they hadn't had a decent conversation in a while, because they couldn't look each other in the eyes without seeing what they both had lost.  
  
Rory sighed as she lightly grazed the numbers on the phone. She had the urge to adjust just a little more pressure so the number of Luke's diner would appear in the small screen, and eventually the same thing that was holding her back, finally pushed her to dial the number and make the call.  
  
''Yeah? ........ Right, I mean, Luke's diner, yeah?''  
  
''Sorry about hanging op on you,'' Rory blurted out, as soon as she recognized Jess's voice.  
  
''I was the one who wanted some space, right?'' Jess almost immediately responded, not wanting her to know how surprised he was at her call.  
  
''What if I don't want that anymore?'' Rory asked, as she lead their conversation even deeper.  
  
''Rory...........''  
  
''I mean, you practically made the decision by yourself and gave me absolutely no say in the entire matter. And I feel like I should have a say, cause we're still friends, right?'' she asked carefully.  
  
''Yes, we're still friends.''  
  
''Then why............''  
  
''Cause I thought that that was what we both needed,'' Jess interrupted.  
  
''Right, a break after not talking to each other for a long time.''  
  
''So, I'm guessing you're not agreeing with me on that one anymore, huh?''  
  
Rory sighed. ''I don't mind giving you your space. I do think we need that every now and then, but I just want to be able to call you and not feel guilty about it, cause we agreed on.......that.''  
  
''I told you that you could call me whenever you wanted,'' Jess gently pointed out.  
  
''It's still not the same.''  
  
Jess took a few seconds of silence to think about her comment before responding. ''Okay.''  
  
''Okay.''  
  
They remained quiet for a while, both glad about their decision. Mutual this time.  
  
''Jess, why did you call earlier?''  
  
''Same reason as you, I guess.''  
  
''Luke not talkative enough for you? Cause to be honest, you two seem to be the perfect verbal partners. You don't talk a lot either.''  
  
''It depends on the subject,'' he said.  
  
''Right.''  
  
Rory smiled at how easily they had fallen back into the same routine as when they were friends.  
  
''So, your mom misses you,'' Jess announced, causing Rory's smile to disappear.  
  
''I call her often.''  
  
''She mentioned that, but I think she misses having you around.''  
  
''I know.'' Rory paused. ''But.......I wanna visit, but now isn't such a great time for me.''  
  
''How come?''  
  
''Uhm, would you mind if I..........''  
  
''No, it's personal, I apologize,'' Jess quickly said, before he would find himself in waters that were just a little too deep for him.  
  
''Thanks. Listen, I have some more things to do, so..........''  
  
''Yeah, okay. It was good having a normal conversation again,'' Jess admitted, surprised at his own honesty.  
  
''Yeah, we'll try that again soon, since the blocks are off and all.''  
  
''Rory, I'm not sure if......... Joey will appreciate that.''  
  
''I'll talk to him. We're friends,'' she responded, giving him the answer he was looking for, but not quite.  
  
''Yeah, then I guess I'll talk to you later.''  
  
''Yeah, tell Luke I said hi, okay?''  
  
''Will do,'' Jess remarked, signaling the end of the conversation.  
  
''Bye.''  
  
Rory hung up and turned her head so she could see the spot she was aiming the phone at. But the phone ended up on the floor when she saw Joey standing in the door frame, his eyes gleaming with an emotion she had never seen in his eyes before, jealousy. He didn't say anything as he turned around and left the room, once again. Moments later she could hear the door slam. Her perfection was slowly crumbling.....  
  
*R*E*V*I*E*W*! Please? :-) All I have to say is that I am kinda proud of this story, although it might be a little over-descriptive, but I'm still trying to find a balance. And I hope people are still reading, and most importantly, reading this. Thank you to you who reviewed my last chapter. Your opinions were very helpful and I'm trying to work on.......well, everything basically. :-) 


	7. Thin Ice on Hot Water

*Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

*A/N: Hey! :-) I'll just save the chitchat for the end of this chapter. All I have to say is enjoy this chapter! :-)

*~*~*:-)*~*~*Bye, smile :-)

Rory stirred when her consciousness became aware of the sun's rays that were recklessly thrown upon her face and soon her eyelashes began to flutter, as the rays drove away her passiveness. Although her face was warmed by the sun, the rest of her body felt uncomfortably cold, as a result from the body warmth that didn't seem to be there this morning. She missed the feeling of satisfaction that it always gave her. She stretched out her arm and reached for Joey's side of the bed, just to make sure that he was indeed not lying beside her. 

Rory turned her head to look at the sheets, which weren't even so much as wrinkled. She sat up straight while the reality of this particular morning left its marks on her memory. Her hands ran through her tousled hair, as she took a few minutes to fully awake, forcing her eyes to meet the brightness of the morning sun, which was clearly visible through the large window in front of her. There were no curtains hanging in front of it, to shade her from the light. Joey liked to awake to the streams of the sun and see her lying in a pool of light. He would trace the rays, the sun threw on her sleeping figure, with his fingers until she would open up her eyes and look at him. And at night, right before they would go to sleep, when the sun's rays had been replaced by the dim and silvery glow of the moon, he would smile at her and call her his moon bathing beauty, which sounded corny, but made her blush nonetheless. 

Last night she hadn't fallen asleep to those words and this morning, there had been no fingers lingering on her skin. No smile to greet her and no pair of dark eyes, which still amazed her with their darkness and beauty, to stare at her intently. And it made her feel rejected. Joey hadn't even slept in the same bed as her, although she didn't want to believe that. He could have made the bed, before he wandered off into the kitchen. But she had to see it for herself, so she got out off bed and left the room, which lead her to the living room.

Her eyes immediately flew over to the couch they had spent so many nights on. It was large and made of a soft fabric, resembling the fur of a teddy bear Rory used to have when she was younger. They bought it because it was a comfortable couch. Comfortable enough to sleep on..... Rory's eyes glazed over with sadness, when she saw the pile of blankets and the large pillow lying on the other end. He hadn't even bothered to get rid of the evidence. She blinked away upcoming tears before she

headed for the kitchen, pausing in the door frame as she looked at the sight before her.

Joey was sitting at the table, his plate with breakfast in his hands, while one of his medical magazines was sprawled out in front of him. He was so caught up in it that he didn't even notice Rory standing there, as she silently observed him. The aroma of eggs and bacon still hung in the kitchen, which lead her eyes to wander over to the other side of the table. She held back a silent gasp of surprise when she saw the plate, which had been solemnly placed there. Tinfoil had been neatly placed over it, to keep it warm until her arrival. This particular sight caused tears to spill into her eyes.

He cared enough not to forget about her during breakfast, but he couldn't bear to sleep in the same bed as her. And to be truthful she couldn't blame him. She had fallen asleep with Jess on her mind, which made her feel even more horrible and guilty then she already did. A sob escaped from between her lips, although it was partially muffled by her hand, which she clasped in front of her mouth. Joey's head flew up at the sound, his eyes mimicking this movement, as he quickly searched for her crying figure.

''Ror,'' he said, his tone affectionate with worry, as he put his plate down on top of his magazine. 

''What's wrong?'' he asked, foolishly forgetful in Rory's eyes.

He got up from where he was sitting and waited for a few more seconds before repeating his question. ''What's wrong, Rory?'' His eyes stood serious as they studied her broken expression. 

Rory removed her hand from her mouth, but kept on crying, although she did this silently. The wet streaks on her face were the only evidence.

''You made breakfast,'' she managed to utter, as her eyes found the with tinfoil covered plate. Joey followed her gaze, although he didn't immediately understand. 

''Yeah, bacon and eggs. I always make breakfast, don't I?'' Joey gently asked, unsure of how to handle this situation.

Rory nodded. ''You do, but I didn't expect you to, not today.''

''Why?'' Joey asked, confused by Rory's answer. ''Rory, you're not making a lot of sense. What's wrong?'' 

He took a few more careful steps towards her. His eyes remained locked with hers, as he kept approaching her. When he could almost reach out and grab her, she took an abrupt step back, which he mimicked and lead them both back into the living room. That was when Joey caught the pile of blankets, he had slept under, from the corner of his eyes. He quickly moved his eyes to the couch, before focusing them back on Rory's broken expression.

''I slept on the couch,'' he stated, understanding the tears that stained her face. 

''You slept on the couch,'' Rory softly repeated, as she lowered her eyes, wondering if she was reading too much into his decision.

Joey sighed, which caused Rory's eyes to fly back up to his face. ''Ror, it's nothing.''

''Nothing?'' she asked indignantly, her eyes filled with a variety of emotions. ''You slept on the couch, which means that you didn't want feel like you could spent the night in bed, with me.''

''I came home late last night. Too late to risk and wake you.''

Rory nodded and quickly wiped away the remains of her tears, before crossing her arms in a defensive manner. ''You didn't want to wake me....... That's not a good enough reason. You were mad.''

''Yes, I was mad,'' Joey admitted. ''But can you really blame me? I mean, we just had an argument and the first thing you do is call him.''

''Jess.''

''I don't think mentioning his name is going to help the situation,'' Joey warned.

''Joey, he's a friend.''

''Just a friend?''

''Yes!'' Rory said. ''We used to be able to talk to each other about anything.''

''But we were having an argument about him! Did you tell him that too?!''

Rory shook her head. ''That argument was between us, and no one else, I get that. Don't you think I get that? And I want to solve it, because I don't like fighting.''

''Me neither.''

''So, do you think that maybe you could live with the fact that he's my friend and that 

we will occasionally talk to each other?'' Rory asked, while she held Joey's gaze. 

Joey let out a shaky breath, before he nodded. ''I think I can live with that, but I want to meet him.''

''You already did,'' Rory pointed out.

''I know, but we didn't get a chance to talk. You haven't visited Stars Hollow in a while and you're mom is always begging us to drop by, so why don't we? You'll get to see your mom again and I get a chance to know Jess.''

''Jess isn't the easiest person to talk to,'' Rory said, as she uncrossed her arms and lowered them, signaling that this argument was almost coming to an end. ''He isn't very talkative, I don't think you'll like him.''

Joey took another step towards her and closed the remaining distance between them. He circled his arms around her waist and brought his head closer to hers, until their noses were almost touching. 

''Let me find that out for myself. I don't have to like him, he's your friend.''

Finally a smile broke through on Rory's face. ''Are you sure?''

''Definitely.'' 

''So, this fight is over?''

Joey nodded and lightly kissed her on the lips. 

''Come on, let's take a shower.''

*~*~*

After Rory and Joey spent an hour in the shower, Joey left for work, while Rory, who had a much more flexible work schedule, put on her most comfortable outfit and sat down on the couch to make an important phone call. She tucked her legs underneath her and took a sip of coffee, while dialling the number of her mom's cell phone, calculating that she would be at Luke's right now. When it took her mother a few rings to answer, Rory knew that she was right. Luke was probably forcing Lorelai to go outside, before answering her phone.

''This better be good, I left my coffee all alone with a grumpy old man.''

Rory smiled at the way her mom answered her phone. You never knew what she was going to say next. ''Luke's not old.''

''He wears the baseball cap to hide his bald spots.''

''But a cap makes him look younger,'' Rory said, playing along with her mom.

''You've noticed that too?''

Rory smiled. ''When are you going to ask him out?''

''When are you and Joey coming to visit me?'' Lorelai countered. ''Cause I'm not as young as I used to be and one of these days might be my last.''

''Then you're in luck. See, me and Joey were thinking of spending this weekend in Stars Hollow.''

''You know, joking around like that might give me a heart attack.''

''Mom.........''

''I can feel one coming right now,'' Lorelai continued.

''I hope you're leaving us a lot of money.''

''How about I leave you the house instead?'' Lorelai asked. 

''So, can we stay there or do we need to find a hotel?''

''If you wanna spent a lot of money on a bed a million of strangers have slept in before and coffee that has been standing on the shelves for ages, yeah.''

''Good,'' Rory said. ''Then we'll be there Friday.''

''Right on time for dinner with the grandparents.''

''I thought we didn't do that anymore?'' Rory asked.

''I promised my mom that we would try and make it if you and Joey ever were in town. I could have said no, but she was practically begging me and who am I to break tradition, right?''

Rory rolled her eyes. ''Right. It'll be good to see them again though.''

''Great, you mention that it's great to see them, but not me. Nice, I understand though. I am, after all, just your mother. No, you don't have to say a thing, I get it. You don't love me anymore.''

''You should have become an actress,'' Rory said. 

Lorelai sighed, faking wistfulness ''Nah, that wasn't written in the stars for me.''

''I'll see you Friday.''

''Don't go, don't leave me, for parting is such sweet sorrow.''

''Bye,'' Rory said, before hanging up. 

She put the phone down and wrapped her hands around her coffee cup, as a satisfied smile took over her, although the worry was hiding just beneath the surface. 

*~*~*

Lorelai flipped her cell phone closed with one movement, before turning around and entering the diner with a content grin, sharing her joy with everyone else. Her smile seemed to be contagious as everyone copied it for a brief second, remembering an old memory or a joke that had already been told. The two men behind the counter, however, remained untouched by her smile. One simply not caring and the other pretending not to care or notice, because that would give away his facade.

''Guess who just called?!'' Lorelai said cheerfully, maybe a little too cheerful, because both Luke and Jess looked up from what they were doing. 

Luke glared at her. ''The last time you said that you didn't mean that as just a rhetorical question. You made me guess until you got bored.''

Lorelai rolled her eyes as she sat down on one of the stools. ''I had three days off in a row and there's only so much I can do in those days. Come on, guess.''

''Emily,'' Luke said, while he handed Ceaser another order. 

''Close. It was Rory.''

''How is that close?'' Luke asked.

''Well, I'm Emily's daughter a.k.a devil's spawn and Rory's my daughter.''

Lorelai waited for Luke to make another remark, but all he did was raise an eyebrow. 

''She and Joey are going to spent this weekend in Stars Hollow!'' Lorelai excitedly 

spilled. 

A small smile cracked through Luke's rough exterior at the sound of Rory's name. ''I think it's time she showed her face around here.''

While Lorelai kept talking about Rory and Joey's visit to Stars Hollow, Jess closed his book, slipped it into his back pocket and slipped out the door without anyone noticing, they were all too busy gossiping about Rory's arrival. His eyes remained cold and his expression hard, as he started to walk, planning on going to the bridge, but when he passed the gazebo he stopped. Next to the bridge this was a place he came often too, to read and look around the town without no one else noticing. It was also a place either he or Rory could go to when one of them was already at the bridge and they didn't want to talk. He remembered the first time they both realised that the gazebo was another place they were forced to share in the future. 

__

*Flashback*

It was on a cold night when Jess had discovered that the gazebo was an excellent place to read, and more importantly be alone. The night sky was darker than usual and without any stars to light it up. His only companion was the full moon, that hung directly above him, looking out over the rest of the quiet town. Snow was trickling down, the small flakes adding themselves to the thick layer of snow that had already coloured the entire town a pure white. Because of this snow Jess could hear the footsteps approach him, crunching as they moved through the snow towards his hiding place. When the footsteps stopped, he brought his eyes up from his book, immediately recognising Rory's petite figure, which was wrapped up in a thick wool sweater on this particular night. Her eyes shone with surprise when she saw him.

''Sorry, I didn't realize anyone else would be out here.''

''I guess I'm the exception,'' Jess answered, searching for her eyes in the dark.

''What are you doing here anyway? It's cold,'' Rory pointed out, forgetting that she was the one who didn't bring a jacket to keep her warm.

''Says the girl without a jacket.''

''Jess, don't avoid the question. Come on, what are you doing here?''

Jess closed his book, before holding it up.

''Reading?'' Rory asked.

''Clever,'' Jess remarked, as he got up and walked down the few steps that would lead him to her. 

Rory silently watched him and patiently waited for him to reach her, while he stuffed the book in his back pocket. Rory noticed that he was wearing fingerless gloves instead of normal ones. 

''So, what are you doing here?'' Jess asked when he reached her.

Rory shrugged, feigning not to care, although her eyes were twinkling with the magic that this night was sure to bring. ''I came to watch the snow fall.''

''You must lead such a boring life,'' Jess said, although a light smirk was visible on his face. 

''You don't have to go.''

''Nah, Luke doesn't know I'm gone, so I better get back,'' Jess explained, as he turned around and started to head for the diner. After only three steps something cold hit him in the head and he immediately responded by turning around and looking over at Rory, who was smiling at him.

''You don't like my company?'' she playfully asked.

Jess shook his head, as he approached her, giving in to her request. He stopped in front of her and met her eyes. Rory saw the amusement that was making his eyes seem even darker than usual, but didn't immediately understand the reason of it. But when a crooked smile appeared on his face, she knew that it was too late to run. Jess grabbed her arm and hooked his foot behind hers, which caused her to lose her balance and fall. Jess held her firmly so that she wouldn't fall too hard. When she was lying in the snow, he lowered himself on top of her, which caused Rory to smile. They both knew each other well enough to fool around like this. They trusted each other.

Rory gave Jess a rough push, which caused him to lose his balance, only briefly, because he stabilised himself by planting his free hand on her stomach. Rory squirmed under his touch, because his fingers were freezing and the coldness went right through her sweater. 

''Your fingers are cold,'' she said.

''That snowball you threw at me was cold too,'' Jess pointed out, his hand still placed on her stomach. ''Apologize and then I'll get up.''

Rory playfully shook her head with a smile, but stopped when she felt Jess press his hand even closer onto her skin. ''Fine, I'm sorry.''

''That's all I ask,'' Jess said, as he removed his hand from Rory's stomach with one fast stroke of his hand, which caused Rory to shiver. 

Jess got to his feet and held out his hand to help her up. Rory gratefully took it, but couldn't stop herself from grabbing a hand full of snow before letting herself be pulled up.

*End of Flashback*

Jess pulled out his book and sat down in the gazebo, knowing that he couldn't hide from Rory this weekend. Stars Hollow was simply too small to hide from anyone, although they had managed to avoid each other for a long time when they weren't speaking to each other. But he didn't want that part of history to repeat itself. He wouldn't avoid her, or her husband. But he didn't understand what made Rory change her mind about visiting Stars Hollow, cause last night she had told him that she wasn't ready to visit yet, not ready to see him yet. And now that she seemed to be, he wasn't sure if he was ready to see her again.

*R*V*I*E*W*! Please? :-) Okay, I didn't have a lot of time to write this chapter, so I apologize for it being not as good as the others or even bad. But I do hope that you enjoyed it and I really am grateful for the reviews I get. Thanks! :-)


	8. Victims of our own past tense

*Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

*A/N: Hey! :-) It took me a little longer than usual to write this chapter, but since this is actually the first story that I'm remotely satisfied with, I didn't want to ruin it with a chapter that was written in a rushed matter and was therefor not as good as the others. So, thanks for your patience and the interest that is shown in this story. I hope this is to your satisfaction. :-)

*~*~*:-)*~*~*Bye, smile :-)

__

~And if your heart is spoken for, then condemned am I forever more~

Rory's eyes were fixed on the window, taking in the small shops and the handful of inadequate landmarks as Joey's car crept through the main street of Stars Hollow, although in Rory's eyes he was still going too fast. Her eyes seemed to fly from sight to sight, as she tried to compare the picture in her head with the actual building, trying to see if any changes had been made since she left, but Stars Hollow never made any changes that might bring them too close to becoming commercial and impersonal. One of those towns where there were more stores than people and where neighbours didn't take the time to talk to one and other.

In this town everyone knew everyone and that was what Rory had missed the most. Hartford was so different from Stars Hollow, it wasn't as colorful or as personal, but she had realized that part of her life was indeed there. Joey had been born and raised in one of the most expensive neighbourhoods in Hartford and she had a successful job there, one that automatically came with a handful of co-workers, whom she got along with just fine and sometimes even considered her friends. But nothing could ever compare with Stars Hollow, simply because it was her town, and although she had tried to stop holding on to it so tightly, it still was. 

Rory smiled when she saw a few heads in front of Doose's turn when the car drove by. Only people who had lived a small town life all their life, would be curious about one single car and maybe even a little impressed, since only about a dozen people here even owned a car. As they disappeared around a corner, Taylor Doose himself came out off the store to see what had caused the temporary lack of attention. Of course no one took the time to answer and went back to their daily shopping routine, something he didn't question, cause he was in the business to make money instead of friends, which he kept proving over and over with the useless projects he kept coming up with.

When Joey drove up the Gilmore driveway, he felt Rory's excitement build with every inch that they left behind them. Her smile widened and her eyes were fixed on the place she was used to calling home, while her hands pulled at the seat belt she was wearing. He couldn't help but smile at her restlessness, which probably also consisted of nervousness, since she hadn't been here for a while. He never got trusted with the reason, but he suspected that it had something to do with feeling it as her duty to spent as much time with him as possible, especially since they had gotten married only a short while ago. 

Before he had even fully stopped the car, Rory was out of her seat belt and had opened her door. While he turned the engine off, she got out off the car and headed up to the front steps, already anticipating her mom's reaction. One that she would probably copy with just as much excitement. Joey joined her when she had already rang the doorbell for the third time. He could tell, because of the slight frown on her face. 

''She's not home,'' Rory stated, as the frowning lines on her forehead deepened themselves. 

''Are you sure? Maybe she didn't hear the bell.''

''I rang it three times,'' Rory said, as she held up three fingers, adding unimportant proof to her words. 

Joey shrugged. ''Maybe she unscrewed it or something.''

Rory looked at Joey for a couple of seconds without saying anything, as if she was weighing the probability of his words. Finally she nodded and brushed passed him. Joey looked over his shoulder just in time to see her lift up a flowerpot, which held nothing but earth, and snatch a key from underneath, before lowering it back down onto the floor. 

''Do you always have keys lying around like that?'' Joey asked, amused by the choice of hiding spot. 

Rory shrugged, as she walked over to the door. ''It's only meant to be used for emergencies and me forgetting my key and my mom not answering the door counts as one.''

''What if someone finds it?''

''They won't. My mom hides it somewhere else every day, just in case,'' Rory explained.

''Then how do you know where it was?'' Joey asked, his brow furrowed in confusion. 

''My mom and I have a system,'' Rory said, as she turned the key and opened the door. 

''Sounds complicated.''

''Not really, we have an usual order. We have been using it ever since we moved here.''

''I feel left out,'' Joey playfully said, while following Rory into the house, silently reminding himself that their bags were still in the car.

''It's weird that she locked the door though,'' Rory commented.

''Yeah,'' Joey agreed. ''Strange that she would prefer her stuff to actually be here when she comes back from work or something.''

Rory ignored his remark, as she headed towards the kitchen in search of her mother. While Rory did this, Joey decided that now would be a good time to do something useful and close the door. It took him only a few seconds, but by the time he was back in the living room, so was Rory, looking even more worried than before. 

''No one's here.''

''Well, I closed the door, so even if she's temporarily invisible, she couldn't have gotten the chance to leave the house.''

Rory glared at her husband, not appreciating his comments right now. Joey noticed and cleared his throat before making another attempt to be helpful. ''Shall we start our own search party?''

Rory rolled her eyes at his never ending humor, before heading over to the couch, remembering another agreement she and her mom used to have. It took her only a few quick seconds to locate the phone, which had been jammed between its cushions. She smiled triumphantly when she found it and looked over at Joey, who was just staring at her, amazed by what she had been doing and also slightly amused at her reaction to finding the phone. 

''Let me guess, another part of this crazy, but probably logical system in your eyes?''

Rory smiled, knowing that she didn't have to nod to let him know that he was right. It was indeed another part of the system she and her mom had come up with, but it didn't seem to bother Joey at all and that was another thing she loved about him. He didn't necessarily had to understand every little thing about her life and he never once told her how he wanted to be a part of everything she did or thought. He gave her the privacy she needed, although the trip to Stars Hollow was kind of an invasion of that. Not that Joey hadn't been to Stars Hollow before, but he had never shown the same amount of interest in it as she did with his home, not until he realized that Jess also lived here and was a part of her past. A past she was quite secretive about, although she had no trouble writing about it. Probably because she could be more open while writing then when she was talking face to face with someone, she always had been. Of course there were certain people she had no trouble talking to.....

__

*Flashback*

__

Jess looked up when there was a soft knock on the door, barely loud enough for him to hear it. He knew of only one person who could have such a feather light touch, a person who seemed graced with feathers of her own sometimes, simply because she could be so kind to people and understanding, even with him, when he knew that he wasn't always as easy on her as he should be. 

''Yeah,'' he said, not getting up from the bed, because he didn't want to seem anything but his normal self in her eyes, knowing that she would be able to read his feelings for her in his foreign movements and eyes, that were clouded with forced carelessness. He watched as the door slowly opened until it was far enough for her to step into the room and notice him lying on his bed.

''Hey,'' she greeted, her eyes lowered towards the ground, while her fingers were softly tapping against the door, as if she was nervous. 

Jess nodded. ''Hey.''

''Are you busy?''

''Nope, just reading,'' he answered.

''Would you mind any company?'' Rory asked, before carefully bringing her eyes up to meet his. 

Jess shook his head, studying her movements, as she closed the door, without making any sound and turning back around so that she was facing him. Her eyes went around the room and he could tell by the way her eyes were lingering on the chairs, which were covered with clothes and books, that she was looking for a place to sit. Not finding one, she awkwardly clasped her hands in front of her and looked at him, not knowing what to do. 

''Yeah, we use the chairs as closets. There's enough room on the bed though,'' Jess said, as he moved himself more towards the direction of the wall, creating more than enough room for Rory. 

She shyly looked from him to the bed and back again, before taking a few steps towards him and sitting down on the edge of the bed, uncomfortable with the situation. 

''No dinner with the grandparents today?'' Jess asked, not because he was interested, but because he wanted to prevent a silence that would be even more awkward than their current situation. 

''We went,'' Rory answered, unaware of Jess's eyes as they focused themselves on her face.

''You're back early.''

Rory shrugged. ''My mom decided to leave early.''

''Reason?'' Jess asked, as he saw the red rims underneath her eyes.

Rory sighed and ran a hand through her hair before answering. ''My mom and grandparents had a fight.''

''Serious?''

Rory nodded. ''It involved my future and finances.''

''Ah, a dilemma every teen deals with daily,'' Jess remarked, not being rewarded by even so much as the beginning of a smile. ''Care to elaborate?''

Rory threw him half a smile, thankful for his concern. ''It was about the Harvard/Yale thing again?''

''Harvard/Yale thing?''

''Yeah, see, I really want to go to Harvard,'' Rory started.

''Hence the shrine you have in your bedroom.''

Rory nodded. ''Yeah, but my grandfather wants me to go to Yale, cause he went there. We always fight about this, but this time my grandfather threatened to stop the financing of Chilton, which would mean that I wouldn't even get into Harvard if I wanted to, I mean, not finishing high school isn't going to look good on my applications and then my mom did her duty as mom and got enraged.........''

''Enraged huh?'' Jess asked.

''Yeah, and after that we just left, without settling things, I mean, I don't want to go to school on Monday and discover that I'm actually not enrolled there anymore.''

''Your grandparents would never do that, not to you,'' Jess said. 

''I hope not,'' Rory softly said, on the verge of tears again, because if her grandparents did decide to go through with their threat, then she wouldn't get the chance to achieve all the goals she had set for herself. She knew that her mom didn't have enough money to pay for Harvard or Yale, but that wouldn't matter, not even a scholarship would help, not when they would stop paying for Chilton. 

''I probably should have just said that I would go to Yale if that's what they really wanted.'' Rory briefly paused and pulled at her lower lip with her teeth, not wanting to cry over something that her mom would probably have solved before tomorrow night. ''I'm just a burden to both my mom and grandparents.''

''I don't think they see you that way,'' Jess said, trying to stop her from looking like she did. So sad. On the verge of tears. Hopeless. 

Rory nodded. ''Yeah, probably not.'' She sat there for a few more seconds, before she got up. ''I should get home, see how my mom's doing.''

''Probably doing some phone battling with your grandparents.''

Rory smiled at his words. ''It's freakish how close to right you can be sometimes.''

''I have the gift.''

''Thanks for listening.''

Jess smirked. ''Not so hard when someone else is doing the talking.''

Rory tucked a strand of hair behind her ears, while she took a few steps back towards the door. ''I'll see you tomorrow.''

''Probably.''

And with a small smile in his direction Rory left the apartment, the weight on her shoulders slightly lighter and the weight on her heart slightly heavier.

*End of Flashback*

A wave of relief went through her, glad that it had been this memory that she had subconsciously selected. Reieved because it hadn't been one of their more passionate conversations, although the images that had been going through her mind when she had closed the door behind her, had been and had left her with a feeling she couldn't seem to put into words. It felt as if she had been walking on clouds, storm clouds, which were a signal of the tumultuous walk ahead of her, and with Joey there was nothing but a blue sky to accompany the white clouds. And although blue was indeed her favorite color, it's appeal was starting to fade and she was afraid that one of these days she would wake up and realize that the clouds weren't there anymore.....

Rory grabbed the phone and dialed the number of their answering machine, knowing that the answering machine was only a couple of steps away from her. When she heard that there was one message waiting for her, she quickly hung up and walked over to the answering machine. 

Joey crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow. ''What are you doing?''

''There's a message on the machine,'' Rory answered simply, knowing fully well that logic was nowhere to be found. 

''So, the reason you called..........?''

''To see if there were any messages on the machine.''

''And you couldn't have walked over to the machine?'' Joey asked, already smiling at an answer he hadn't even heard yet. 

Rory shrugged. ''I could have, but that would have spoiled my fun and that look of confusion on your face.'' She sweetly smiled at Joey, before pushing the button on the answering machine to listen to the message.

''Hey, sweets, sorry I'm not there to welcome you and your husband..........''

''She still can't seem to get over that small fact, huh?''

Rory rolled her eyes, although a twinkle of amusement found its place in them, as she listened to the rest of the message. 

''........, but I have an excuse. You two were pretty vague about the time of your supposed arrival, I mean, all you gave me was Friday..... Besides, I was dehydrated and since I can't make a decent cup of coffee myself, I went to Luke's. You're free to come and find me, unless you and your husband wanna do something that can be responded to with a dirty. So, unless you're doing.....that, I'll see you two soon. Love ya, both.''

''Did you hear that?'' Joey asked, uncrossing his arms. ''Your mom loves me, just as much as she loves you.''

Rory turned around to look at him. ''Don't put words in her mouth, she was just being nice, you know she really hates you.''

''How am I putting words in her mouth when you heard her say it?'' Joey playfully asked.

Rory shook her head, as she approached him, trying to hide a smile. ''I thought you were too mature for these kind of games?''

Joey shrugged. ''I was just pointing out a fact.''

Rory's lips twitched and within a few seconds a smile spilled itself onto her face. ''Let's go to Luke's, Mr. Pharmacist.''

*~*~*

When Rory and Joey entered the diner, they were immediately greeted with a loud screech, which expressed Lorelai's delight when she spotted the two coming into Luke's. Lorelai got up and threw her arms around Rory before she even knew what was happening. It was a spectacle that had the entire diner in awe, for they knew how long Lorelai had waited for her daughter to show her face in Stars Hollow again. When the two girls let go of each other a pair of smiles was exchanged between the two.

''So, you're still with Joey?''

''Happily married,'' Rory responded, as she subconsciously ran her thumb over her wedding ring. 

''Which means that you two are still making googly eyes at each other when you think no one is looking,'' Lorelai stated, while looking over at Joey, who confirmed it by nodding. ''Every chance I get.''

''That's always good in a wedding. Are you guys still acting like newlyweds too? You know, reliving your honeymoon every chance you get?''

''Mom,'' Rory said, slightly embarrassed by her mom's question. 

Joey just seductively raised an eyebrow, which only caused Rory's blush to deepen itself to an even darker shade of red. 

''I guess that's my answer,'' Lorelai teasingly said, while meeting Rory's eyes. ''How come it took you so long to visit anyway?''

Rory shrugged. ''We were busy, I guess.''

Lorelai nodded. ''Well I missed you, both.''

''See,'' Joey said.

Rory rolled her eyes at his comment and missed the confusion that went through her mom's eyes, followed by something that could be defined as jealousy. After all, Lorelai hadn't seen her daughter for a while, while Joey got to see her every hour of the day, something Lorelai had missed. 

''And Luke missed you too,'' Lorelai said, aiming the remark at the both of them, although she purposely kept her gaze on Rory. 

''And I missed his coffee, although Joey's isn't that far behind.''

''He can make coffee? You can make coffee?'' Lorelai asked, shifting her gaze from Rory to Joey, who just shrugged. ''You're like Einstein, only you have a smaller head.''

Rory rolled her eyes once more, as she started to head over to the counter, her mom and Joey closely following. She sat down at the counter, waiting for Luke to notice her, who was busy scribbling something down on a note. She cleared her throat, which caused Luke to look up, annoyed with the gesture. 

''Does it say 'Swift n' Hasty' on the door............ Rory, you're here......''

''Hm, you get more observant with every day,'' Lorelai commented.''

''..........and you're here too,'' Luke said, as he turned his head to look at Joey, who was also sitting at the counter. 

''I'm impressed,'' Lorelai interrupted again, this time earning herself a glare from Luke.

''How was your trip?'' Luke asked, while he started to pour them some coffee, quickly adding a third cup when he spotted Lorelai looking at him out of the corner of his eyes. 

Rory shrugged. ''Normal, there was a lot of sitting involved and a lot of staring at the lack of traffic in front of us.''

''Of course I couldn't stare, cause I actually had to pay attention to the road despite of the lack of traffic,'' Joey said, while taking his cup of coffee from Luke.

Luke nodded and wanted to say something else, but was distracted by Lorelai. ''Hey, Luke, did you grow overnight?''

''What?''

''Well, you're tall, taller than yesterday. Something's different.''

''He finally decided to put on those stiletto heels that I found in his closet,'' Jess said, as he chose this exact moment to make his well awaited appearance and entered the diner through the curtains, which hid the stairs from the rest of the diner. 

Rory's heart skipped a beat when he so casually joined them, but she kept her expression neutral, not wanting Joey to notice the slight change in her behavior. Her hands gripped the coffee cup tighter and her eyes couldn't seem to focus on anything, they were automatically drawn to him, to the person who had decided to step out of the picture on the day she had married Joey. Her eyes quickly found their way to his eyes, which were, disappointingly enough, not looking at her. Instead they were lowered to one of his books, one Rory hadn't noticed until now. 

Meanwhile Jess had already seen that she was indeed here, but unfortunately enough she hadn't decided to come alone..... For some reason he felt angry about this understandable action and he wanted her to know that by pretending that he could care less if she was here or not. Of course, the question was, how long would his facade hold.....

''Hey, Jess, right?'' Joey said, interrupting the thoughts and worries that ran through both Jess and Rory's mind. Rory was immediately reminded of the reason why they were here in the first place, why Joey had decided to take this weekend off instead of the next one. She took a sip of coffee, just to cool her nerves down, while she raised her eyes up to see what Jess's reaction would be. 

But Jess did quite the opposite of what she expected him to do. No sarcastic comments were made, as he closed his book and met Joey's suspecting eyes, making Rory feel a little hurt, cause it seemed as if he was looking straight through her. 

''We met at the wedding,'' Joey said, reminding Jess of the first time they had met. 

Jess nodded. ''Right, the wedding, of course. How are you?''

Joey shot him an appreciative smile, although he still didn't see in him what Rory did, and he probably never would. 

*~*~*

The wind was forcefully howling, which caused the leaves to rustle, as if they had enough of shading her from the dark figure, which had comfortably settled himself on the wooden boards of the bridge. His face remained hidden from the pair of peering eyes, which had been following his every move since she had gotten here. She was fascinated by the way the wind kept playing with his hair, rearranging it with every blow and she seemed mesmerized by the way he sat, with his elbows resting on his knees, as if he was leaning forward so he could intensely look at the water. Pieces of scattered memory were rapidly forming themselves into a reality she hadn't been a part of for such a long time. 

Rory hesitantly took a step forward, brushing the leaves aside as she did this, the sudden rustling blending in with the wind without a trace. Her eyes were fixed on his figure,as she started to approach him, stepping onto what had most likely become his territory. Unsure of how to make her presence know, she simply kept on walking, the boards creaking underneath her weight with every step she took. But she knew that he had been aware of her all this time. She couldn't seem to hide from him, he would never let her. 

She looked at him for a few moments, wondering if he was going to acknowledge her. When he didn't, Rory was instantly reminded of how stubborn he could be and how he was able to change moods like a chameleon could change colors. He could choose to shut everybody out just as easily as he could be civil to people he didn't really like, like Joey. Rory wasn't blind, she had noticed how forced his smile had been and how his eyes had seemed to darken whenever Joey would glance at her. Just like Joey's eyes seemed to narrow every time Rory said even so much as a word to Jess. They both disliked each other, which made Rory realize that they would probably never get along, no matter how hard Joey tried and how much Jess wanted it. 

Finally she just decided to sit down next to him, reminding him of how stubborn she could be. She left a fair amount of space between, enough to keep their distance and allow them to breathe, but at the same time it was the closest they had been in a while. Memories raced through their minds while the wind raced through the air around them, causing both Rory and Jess to shiver. The familiarity of this night was tempting them both and eventually Jess was the first to break and gave in.

''So, he wants to get to know me?'' Jess asked, referring to none other than Joey. He glanced over at Rory. ''Does he need a new friend to play with?''

''Don't do this,'' Rory started, stubbornly refusing to meet his eyes. ''I didn't come here to fight.''

''Then why did you come here?''

''To see my mom,'' Rory quickly answered, not completely lying to him.

Jess nodded, considering the honesty of her answer. ''I thought that now wasn't such a great time for you?''

Rory shrugged. ''Guess I was wrong.''

A silence fell between them, giving Jess an opportunity to look at her, refreshing the image he had of her in his mind. He noticed the frown on her face, which wasn't supposed to be there, and the way she was pulling at her lower lip with her teeth. He had mastered the reading of her body language only a week after they had met. It was an easy trick to learn and it always left her in awe.

''What's the other reason you're here?''

Rory shrugged again, knowing that this question was coming. ''Joey hasn't been to Stars Hollow that often and he wanted to spent the weekend here.''

''I'm sure he did.''

''What do you mean?'' Rory asked, tilting her head slightly, so she could look at him from the corner of her eyes. 

Jess made a clicking noise with his tongue before continuing. ''I never thought you were that naive.''

Rory shook her head, as she lowered her eyes to the water once more. ''Whatever you're thinking, you're wrong. I didn't come here so you could pick a fight with me.''

''Well, what did you expect me to do? Play all nice with your husband?''

''I thought............ I mean, you sounded, different on the phone,'' Rory said, not knowing if Jess was simply jealous of her and Joey or just mad at her for showing up here, at their spot, expecting everything to be okay between them again. ''I should go, it's late, Joey doesn't know I'm here.'' 

As if sensing that she was planning on getting up and leaving, Jess grabbed her elbow and prevented her from doing just that. His touch wasn't gentle like she remembered, but rough, demanding her to stay. She turned her head to look at him, meeting a pair of unreadable eyes. 

''Are you happy?''

''Wh.....what?'' Rory asked, not knowing were he was about to go next.

''Are you happy? With him?''

Rory swallowed the lump in her throat, while she nodded. ''Yeah.''

Jess nodded and released her arm. ''Then I think you should go.''

''But........''

''Rory, go,'' Jess said, slightly raising his voice, which startled Rory and made her get up and leave without looking back, not understanding why Jess was acting so differently than he had sounded on the phone. But Jess hadn't meant to get frustrated with her, she was just tempting him, bringing him closer to the edge than he had intended. 

*~*~*

When Rory softly closed the door behind her, she glanced over at Joey, whom's eyes were still shut. She let out a sigh of relief, glad that he hadn't noticed her temporarily disappearance. She carefully took off her jacket, making as less noise as possible and revealed her PJ's. When she crept back into bed she snuggled up against Joey, feeling guilty about sneaking out to see Jess, although their conversation hadn't exactly gone the way she had wanted. As she closed her eyes and drifted into a restless sleep, Joey opened his eyes, knowing that he wouldn't be able to get any more sleep this night. 

*R*E*V*I*E*W*! Please? :-) Well, this was it. I know that the story line is moving at a pretty slow pace, but I want Joey's suspicion to grow with every chapter. And I didn't want Jess or Rory yo give in to tempatation immediately. So, hope you're still interested in reading this. Thanks again for the kind reviews. :-)


	9. Eye to Eye

*Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

*A/N: Another week, another chapter. :-) This chapter was originally a little longer, but at the end I decided to delete it, cause it didn't seem to fit with the rest of the chapter. I hope that it turned out okay. :-)

*~*~*:-)*~*~*Bye, smile :-)

Rory stirred when she felt the pressure of feather light touches move across her face. It felt like the flutter of butterfly wings against her skin, moving swiftly and skillfully, not spending more than a few seconds on each area. It gave her a tickling sensation inside her stomach, which was the cause of the smile that was starting to form on her face. She was more awake now, although she was still got up in a dazed web of dreams. And when she felt a pair of lips gently press themselves against hers, she slipped back into the daze she was still slightly clinging too, not wanting to let go for another couple of minutes.

__

*Flashback*

When Rory woke up, she knew exactly where she was, because she hadn't stopped thinking about it. Even her sleep had been a little restless, filled with faint fantasies and vivid memories. And before she had even opened her eyes, she had felt his presence beside her. His body heat seemed to be radiating, giving her a comfortable and protected feeling. The fact that she was curled up in her blankets just added to that feeling of safety. 

She looked over at him without moving the rest of her body. She knew that the sheets would just tighten around her if she did that and she didn't want to wake him, so she just lay completely still while she studied his sleeping form. He looked so different when he was sleeping. There were no frowns to decorate his face and make him seem at least five years older than he actually was. Although she thought that his frowns just added to his mature and complicated persona, making him look like he had seen so much more than she had and would ever see. It was intimidating sometimes. Especially last night.

Jess had known exactly how to move and where to put his hands, while she kept worrying about that and kept doubting herself. She had been so nervous and it had only subsided when Jess had reassured her that she could do absolutely nothing wrong and that there was no need to be nervous. And she knew that it was an easy thing for him to say, cause he was much more experienced than her. But his words had been sweet, just like his gentle touches and soft kisses, as he had set a pace that she would be comfortable with. 

Eventually he had even persuaded her into carefully exploring, which she had found not only enjoyable, but also interesting. She had loved to discover which button she had to push to get a satisfactory reaction. She had gotten more daring and sure of herself with every move she made and the way Jess had looked at her when she did this, made her blush even now. His eyes had stood so amazed and when he had spotted her crimson cheeks, he had pulled her down beside him and had hugged her while he kept kissing her hair, letting her know in his own way that he did indeed care for her. Something Rory had sometimes doubted, because he didn't express his emotions that often, which she had come to respect, even though it was hard for her to just accept. But last night he had taken those insecurities away and she felt guilty for ever doubting him.

Rory turned her head to look at him again, not surprised to find his dark eyes staring at her. She was used to him looking at her when he thought that she wasn't looking. And when she did notice, it only added to the intensity in his eyes. This morning he took in the way she looked in the morning. The way her tousled hair was sprawled out across her pillow and the way her blue eyes were still glazed with sleepiness, making her look so young and innocent and so not right for him, although he had slowly started to detach himself from that thought more and more, because Rory wouldn't let him think something like that. 

Jess quickly examined the worry lines in her forehead. ''Having regrets so soon?''

Rory shook her head, while she reached for his hand, hoping that this wasn't a serious comment. ''No, I was just thinking.''

Jess stifled a yawn, while he moved a little closer to Rory, not wanting to feel anything but her skin against his. ''It's too early to think.''

He peered at Rory through his lashes, as she took his hand and laced her fingers with his, taking the time to place each of her fingers in the correct crook. ''I just don't want you to have any regrets. I mean, I don't know how many girls you slept with before me, but I'm positive that......well, you know? And I didn't want to disappoint you.''

Jess felt her tighten her grip on his hand and couldn't help but crack a smile at how nervous and insecure she had been and still was. ''Rory, you didn't disappoint me.''

''But I was so nervous,'' Rory admitted, before biting her lip and glancing over at Jess.

''Which is normal.''

''But still.....''

Jess brought his head closer to her and gently kissed her shoulder. ''I know, but it wasn't as bad as you thought it was.''

Finally a smile broke through Rory's sleepy features. ''Guess I'll have to take your word on that, huh?'' Her smile brightened when she saw how intensely his eyes were fixed on hers.

Jess brought his lips up to hers and kissed her, lingering slightly longer than he had intended to. ''Guess you will, now go back to sleep.''

''Why?'' Rory curiously asked, knowing that it was already past 9.

''Cause I wanna wake up next to you again,'' Jess honestly answered, his eyes flickering with the emotion that he was allowing to slip through.

Rory smiled, but didn't allow Jess to see it, when she hid her face in the crook of his neck, taking in the smell of his cologne, which still lingered. But Jess could feel her smile against the skin of his neck and it didn't take long for him to copy it.

*End of Flashback*

Rory's eyes fluttered open, maintaining the smile the memory had given her, not wanting Joey to know that it hadn't been his butterfly kisses that had made her smile. She had started to get these pieces of scattered memories more frequently lately, but that wasn't something she would trust Joey with. It would just add to his suspicion. A suspicion which had seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, based on nothing, although Rory knew that she was lying to herself now too. The evidence was indeed there, if you looked close enough. Something she feared Joey would do. She wouldn't deny that there was still some reserved attraction between her and Jess and no matter how much she tried to see him as only a friend and believed that she loved Joey, her head would turn in his direction whenever he was around and her mind would automatically start to wander, thinking of what could have been.

Rory met Joey's dark eyes, almost as dark as.... Inwardly Rory let out a frustrated sigh. She knew that this was wrong and that she shouldn't compare the two of them, although she had so many times before. Joey was different than Jess. He was more open and less complicated. An easy book to read, while Jess was a book which was too difficult to ever understand or get through. But still Rory smiled, not wanting to hurt Joey, because no matter how much she thought about Jess, she did love Joey. 

''Hey.''

''I didn't mean to wake you,'' Joey said, before placing one last kiss on the tip of her nose and leaning back against his pillow. ''I just couldn't contain myself.''

Rory turned her head to look at him, as he leaned his back against the headboard of her bed. ''It's okay, I didn't mind waking up like that. Besides, it's probably time to get up.''

Joey glanced over at the small alarm clock, before looking at her again. ''It's 9. You can still go back to sleep if you want, plenty of time.''

Rory shook her head. ''No.''

''I thought you liked sleeping late?'' Joey asked.

''Not when I only have a couple of days in Stars Hollow,'' Rory answered, while she moved closer towards Joey and cuddled herself against him, resting her head on his chest. 

Joey leaned forward just slightly and placed a kiss on top of her hair, knowing how much she had missed Stars Hollow. Unfortunately both his and her work stopped them from being frequent visitors. ''What do you wanna do today?''

''Breakfast at Luke's.''

''Besides that,'' Joey said, a smile evident in his voice.

Rory lifted her head a little and looked up at him. ''Are you saying that I'm predictable?''

When he didn't say anything Rory frowned, which eventually turned into one of her irresistible pouts. ''You do think I'm predictable, don't you?''

''You know what I just realized, that becoming a mime does have its advantages.''

Rory crossed her arms, which made him chuckle. ''Do you have any other plans on your agenda?''

''You should be able to guess if I'm that predictable.''

Joey reached out and wiped a stray strand of hair out of her face before running his fingers over her lower lip. ''Tell me anyway.''

Rory shrugged, before uncrossing her arms. ''I was thinking of checking out one of the bookstores after Luke's. I haven't visited them for a while, you know?''

Joey nodded. ''I know.''

Rory met his eyes, knowing that he didn't find spending an entire afternoon in a bookstore as appealing as her. He hardly ever went with her, which she didn't mind at all. She liked to have some time by herself, although Joey never made her feel crowded. He often took a step back without her having to ask for it. 

''But we could do something else. It's not like we don't have any bookstores in Hartford.''

''No, it's okay. You haven't been here in a while.''

''But,'' Rory started.

''We can do something tonight.''

''Movie night?'' Rory asked, while a smile accentuated her features.

''It depends, is your mom going to be there?''

Rory shrugged. ''Don't know, she might have plans with Sookie. Why?''

Now it was Joey's time to pout. ''And here I thought she loved me.''

*~*~*

At precisely 10 o'clock Rory and Joey came into Luke's diner, looking terribly awake for this time of the day. Luke even raised his eyebrow when they walked passed him towards the counter, Rory following a little more slowly, because of the person that was leaning against the counter, reading another book cause nothing else would kill his time fast enough. Their last conversation hadn't exactly gone the way it should have and she was afraid of what his next action or comment might be. She hesitantly sat down next to Joey, immediately dropping her gaze to her hands. 

''Hey, Jess,'' was Joey's greeting, which made Jess look up from his book. He directed his gaze at Joey, wondering if his kindness had a catch. His eyes stood just a little too friendly and he was trying too hard to strike up a conversation with him. 

''Morning. Want anything?''

''Yeah, coffee would be great,'' Joey said.

''Coming right up,'' Jess said, a little too cheerfully while he placed his book on the counter and reached for the coffeepot. ''What about your wife? What will she have?''

Rory raised her head and looked at him, not quite knowing if he was being sarcastic or not, because his eyes were cast down and there had not even been a hint of sarcasm in his voice. None she could detect. ''Could I have a coffee to go......''

Jess instantly obliged without saying a word, although instead of handing the cup to her, like he had done with Joey, he placed it directly in front of her on the counter.

''Anything else?'' he asked, his eyes calmly resting upon hers, trying very hard to stop his gaze from becoming cold. He didn't want his behaviour to become cold and foreign towards her, but the fact that Joey was sitting next to her, with his hand on her knee, was subtly reminding him that she had indeed fallen in love with another man and married him.

Rory shook her head, as she lifted the coffee from the counter. She placed a quick kiss on Joey's cheek, before getting up from her stool. ''I'll see you tonight?''

Joey nodded. ''Do you wanna meet back here for dinner first or do you wanna order a pizza or something?''

''Are you kidding? I haven't tasted anything as refined as Luke's for a while now.''

Joey smiled at her answer, which made Rory wonder. ''What?''

''Nothing,'' Joey said while shrugging. ''You are just really predictable.''

Rory rolled her eyes. ''And you're really mature,'' she said, emphasising the last word. 

''I know, that's what Joey stands for.''

Rory smiled as she started to head for the door. ''See you tonight, at Luke's.''

''Yeah, just know that I'm coming to get you if you lose track of time.''

Rory stuck out her tongue at him, but Joey didn't respond and just took another sip of his coffee, playfully proving his maturity to her. When the door closed behind her, Jess had already gone back to his book, but not before he had glanced in the direction of the window, curious about her destination. When he knew where she was heading, he lowered his eyes to his book again, taking only a few seconds. A few seconds which Joey hadn't noticed.

*~*~*

Rory glanced at her watch again while she blindly reached for another book. She knew that the time Joey and her had agreed on hadn't been specified, but she wasn't planning on losing track of time like she usually did. Joey didn't deserve that after agreeing to spend the entire day by himself so that she could wander around in a bookstore. Although she suspected that he hadn't left the diner at all today. He was probably taking advantage of the situation and taking his time to get to know Jess. 

As she flipped through the pages of the book, she wondered if anyone knew Jess as well as she did. She hoped not, although he did deserve someone that would be able to get through to him completely. Someone who could solve all of the mysteries that were hidden deep within him. She sighed as she placed the book back on one of the shelves, thinking of how their book collection hadn't changed or expanded throughout the few years that had passed. 

With one last look at her watch, she got up from the crouching position she had been in for the last couple of hours and turned around, ready to leave the store after finding nothing that was to her satisfaction. But halfway to the door, it opened and Jess entered. Instead of slowing down, she quickened her pace and slipped through the door before he could stop her, not wanting to get into another argument. 

But of course Jess had anticipated her reaction and swiftly followed her, gently catching her by the arm before she could escape. Rory quickly turned around to face him, pulling her arm free in the process, remembering the words which had accompanied the same action last night. 

''What?'' she asked, pretending to be frustrated because she was supposed to meet Joey at Luke's. 

''I'm sorry,'' he responded, not hesitating and giving her the opportunity to just walk away from him. ''I didn't mean to act like that,'' he continued, while he tried to meet her eyes, which was an impossible task since she had lowered them only seconds ago.

''Then why did you?''

Jess didn't say anything and let a brief silence create even more distance between them as he put his hands in his pockets. He quickly glanced at the diner, before answering.

''Joey's waiting for you.''

Rory nodded, briefly meeting his eyes, before turning around and heading towards the diner, not making it clear to him if his apology had been accepted or not. 

*~*~*

''So, my mom just called,'' Rory said, as she entered the living room, a neon coloured bowl filled with popcorn in her hands. ''She'll be over at Sookie's for a few more hours. She wanted to give us some hours of alone time, or how she called it, 'neck' time, like we're still a couple of teens,'' Rory finished, placing the bowl on the table in front of the TV, with a smile. 

It took her a couple of more seconds to realize that Joey wasn't in the room. ''Joey!'' Rory sighed and dropped herself onto the couch. ''I'll start the movie without you if I have to!''

''Just a small tip in preparation of your next threatening attempt,'' Joey started, as he came out of Rory's room. ''You might want to make sure that you actually have something to threaten with.'' He held up the video, which caused Rory to frown and reach out her hands for the video. ''The box has such pretty colours.''

But instead of handing Rory the video, he placed it on top of the TV. 

''A little tip for you now, Mr. Pharmacist. In order to actually see those nice moving images on the screen you have to put the tape in the recorder.''

''I thought we could discuss something first,'' Joey said, while crossing his arms. 

''I'm not discussing modern medicine with you.''

''I'm serious, Rory.''

''And who ever said I wasn't?'' she asked.

''I saw you through the window,'' Joey continued, not even seemingly amused by her comments.

''That would explain the point of a window.......''

''You were on your way to Luke's and you just came out of the bookstore.'' Joey paused to look at Rory, waiting for a reaction, one which came in the form of a careless shrug. ''So?''

''You were with him.''

Rory rolled her eyes at his words. ''I wasn't with him. We just exited the bookstore at the same time.''

Joey shook his head. ''I believe he was on his way in, but apparently changed his mind when he saw you leave.''

''I have to talk to Luke about doing something about those windows. Maybe some nice curtains or something.....but not in pink.......''

''You two talked,'' Joey interrupted, hoping to lead Rory back towards the subject. 

''The man who invented windows should be put in a glass room so people can watch him throughout the entire day.''

''What did you two talk about?''

Rory shrugged again, surprised by the jealous side Joey seemed to have. ''The weather, which you probably noticed while looking out the window.''

''It looked more serious than that.''

''Well, it wasn't,'' Rory responded, not believing how casual she seemed to be about this entire situation. We just made some nice casual chitchat about the weather.''

''You left the house last night,'' Joey said, pulling that comment straight out of the blue. 

Rory let out a frustrated sigh, before getting up from the couch. ''I went for a walk, which doesn't seem so bad right about now.''

When Joey didn't say anything else, she headed for the door and left.

*~*~*

Confusion and frustration was the path her emotions laid out for her and the path she blindly followed, not knowing that they would lead her to a perfect hiding place. A hiding place which only one other person could find and sometimes even used as his own. But they hardly ever had had to share the small sanctuary. It was an agreement they seemed to have made silently. The bridge was a spot they shared, but the gazebo could be their own. A place that did connect them, but kept them at a distance at the same time. 

And when Rory saw Jess sitting on the white bench, she thought of their agreement and considered turning around and heading for the bridge, but when Jess noticed her presence, she slowly headed up the steps. Their friendship seemed to be broken at several places, so why couldn't she break their agreement. So, she headed up the steps and sat down on the other side of the bench, placing her hands firmly on the neatly painted wood and lowering her eyes to the ground. She gave them a few minutes of silence by following one of the cracks in the wood with her gaze, using it as yet another comparison for their friendship. 

''I thought you had plans with Joey,'' Jess carefully started, not knowing if her reaction would be warm or cold. 

''I thought I did too,'' came her answer, which left him with a small riddle to solve. But luckily for him Rory wasn't in the mood to play games.

''Me and Joey had an argument.''

''You two had a fight?'' Jess asked, curious because even he had to admit that they seemed happy together. 

Rory waited a few seconds before answering. ''It was about you.'' When Jess didn't respond, she continued. ''He saw you coming after me when I left the bookstore. I told him that it was nothing and that we just talked, but he didn't believe me.''

Jess nodded. ''He should have believed you. It was nothing.'' His eyes stood emotionless when he said this, although the jealousy and hurt was tightening around his jaws, making him seem even more careless in Rory's eyes, which looked up to glance at him.

''Guess there's really nothing between us anymore......?''

Jess didn't say anything, but just briefly turned his head to look at her, wondering what she wanted. After all, she did have a husband. A husband whom's suspicion would be taken up another notch by her being here, although he didn't know, but definitely would suspect and assume. Jess broke eye contact with Rory, too tempted by the heartbroken look in her eyes. And within seconds Rory had lifted herself up from the bench and was on her way down the steps. But by the time her feet were on solid ground again, guilt was boiling underneath the surface, heating up Jess' blood with a temptation which stood dangerously close, only a few steps away from him. And yet he didn't stop himself.

''Rory!'' 

He got up and traced her footsteps down the steps, moving just a little faster than he normally did. Her back was facing him and she forced him to touch her. She forced him to grab her arm and pull her around so he could look at her. She forced him to cross the line, but it was his own will when he pulled her closer, so they were chest to chest. 

''You know that's not true,'' were his honest words, which he said in a voice that was already husky with something that he was yet to experience. 

He tightened his grip on her arm, while he lowered his lips down onto hers, wanting to prevent her from running or resisting. But nothing inside of her was telling her to stop, no little voice was screaming at her that this was wrong and no guilt was eating at her. Instead she deepened the kiss, hungry for the taste she had gotten on her wedding day. Kisses that had been forbidden, but had been tempting her ever since. And it wasn't until Jess let out a muffled groan that she truly realized what she was doing. And the reality of it came as a shock, because her response was swift, as she pulled her head back and roughly pushed Jess away from her with her free hand. 

''Rory,'' Jess said, awaking from the daze he had been in. A daze he would slip in every time Rory was too close. He let go of her arm, when he saw the guilt that was written on Rory's face. Realization had hit her fast and hard. She even brought her fingers to her mouth to wipe away evidence that no one could see. But as soon as she caught herself doing that, she instantly lowered her hand and shot him an apologetic look. He nodded at her, knowing that they wouldn't get through his tension that hung between them, not tonight and maybe never. Realizing this as Rory walked away from him, he reached into his pocket for a cigarette.

*R*E*V*I*E*W*! Please? :-) Thanks again for taking the time to read this and of course for the reviews I got for the last chapter. I also know that I still make mistakes in my grammar, so I was wondering if you could point that out to me in a review? See, I don't wanna get a beta-reader, cause I don't feel comfortable with people reading a chapter before I actually update it and I want to fix my mistakes myself, cause it'll help my English a lot, I think. Thanks! :-)


	10. Run that by me

Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

A/N: Hey, another chapter, another complication, so..... all I have to say is: enjoy!

Bye, smile :-)

-x-x-x-

The next morning Rory opened her eyes to the blackness of the TV screen. After rubbing her eyes she could make out her own reflection and the awkward position she was lying in. A position which would make her aware of her aching muscles if she moved even so much as an inch. A position which had been necessary, because she had spent the night on the couch. She yawned, while trying to remember how she ended up here instead of on the comfortable bed in her room, next to Joey..... Rory groaned and hid her face in the couch's cushion, shutting her eyes tightly as flashes of last night's fight also awoke from their slumber. A fight that she had proved was justified when she had gone out and let Jess kiss her. Cause that was what she had done. She had let Jess kiss her..... A kiss she had eventually put a stop too, although the taste had been tempting. It was a taste she had craved for so many years and maybe still did.

She became more aware of her aching muscles when she tried to stretch, which sent a twinge of pain through her entire body. It was a symbolic gesture, as she tried to push the memory of last night's event as far away from her as possible, although she knew that she wouldn't be able to push it as far as the farthest nook of her mind. Last night had only filled her with more confusion. Jess was probably dealing with the same complicated story as her, struggling to find the ending that would suit it the most. An ending that Joey already thought he knew, but she wanted so desperately to prove him wrong. Guilt probed at her conscience, while she pictured her and Joey taking their wedding vows and promising each other to stay together until death would separate them. The guilt started to sink its teeth deeper into her conscience when she realized that she had indeed cheated on Joey. She had cheated on her husband.

Rory closed her eyes and steadied her breathing, while she tried to come up with a reason for last night's behavior. A reason for all of those memories that had already passed. A reason for all of her recent doubts towards her marriage with Joey, who had been nothing but wonderful since the day she had met him. But it was no use looking for a reason when she already knew that there was more than one, and she already knew on what to blame her doubts. It was because of Jess and because of her own stupidity and stubbornness. She had insisted on him coming to her wedding and she had forced for almost forgotten wounds to be reopened. From there on things had gone down hill.

Things had gone down hill for her and Jess and went down hill for her and Joey soon after. Something she hadn't wanted to happen, because Joey gave her sureness, when with Jess, you never knew what you got, which was what attracted her to him, still. In a way she wasn't satisfied with what she had, although it was the closest she had come to being completely happy. You always wanted what you couldn't have and when you got that....... well, back when she was with Jess not any guy had seem as intriguing or tempting. Jess had been all she needed to be completely satisfied.

Rory shook her head, realizing that she was holding on to the past too firmly. Jess was just an old boyfriend, one of her exes. A person you would always care for, but yet you moved on, something she couldn't seem to do

Footsteps disturbed her thoughts and once she apprehended that holding off her thoughts was probably for the best, she looked up, glancing in the direction of the where the footsteps had seemed to come from. Joey was standing in the door frame, looking at her. She couldn't help but wonder how long he had been standing there.

''Morning,'' Rory said, trying to act as normal as she could, although it was more than evident that she had spent the night on the couch instead of in bed with him.

''Guess payback's a bitch huh?'' Joey responded, his words harsh though his voice sounded just as calm as it usually did and his face revealed not one single crack of anger or frustration.

Rory sighed and rested her head back on the couch's armrest. ''Yeah, well, what goes around comes around,'' she mumbled, talking too soft for the message to reach Joey's ears, which she was thankful for.

''I made you coffee,'' he said, while walking over to her and placing a cup of coffee on the table in front of her.

Rory looked at the cup for a while, before finally giving in and smiling at his thoughtful gesture. She reached for it and gulped half of it down, needing the burning sensation to trickle down her throat to fully wake her up. Finally she sat up straight, while wrapping her fingers around the warm cup, getting into a comfortable position, although she still avoided Joey's gaze.

She sat there for a little while longer, staring at his feet, before letting out a defeated sigh. ''I wasn't where you thought I was last night,'' she said, knowing that she was lying to him, but figuring that it wouldn't matter if she made sure that it never happened again. She just didn't want to spark his jealousy even more, or hurt him.

She continued when he didn't say anything else. ''I was just........ I needed some time alone, you know?'' She brought her eyes up to look at her husband's face.

Joey simply nodded. ''I understand.''

A pause fell between them, as he carefully smiled and stuffed his hands in the pockets of his pants. ''And my sudden outburst didn't exactly make things easier.''

''No, they didn't,'' Rory said, while shaking her head. She also cracked a smile, knowing that this was the ending of yet another fight. ''You should warn me in advance next time, so I can prepare myself. I don't like surprises.''

Joey nodded again. ''Noted. So, how much do you wanna go over to Luke's and get a decent cup of coffee?''

''Yours is decent,'' Rory said, and took another sip to prove it.

''But it isn't as brilliant as Luke's, right?''

''Ah, don't compare your coffee making skills with him. After all, he's an artist, which is why is coffee always tastes so perfect. He's like the Van Gogh of coffee.''

''Which would make me?'' Joey asked.

''Yours is like Picasso, not as refined, you know?''

''Well, at least I'm an artist. A dead one, but still an artist.''

''That's the spirit,'' Rory said, with her usual cheerfulness, before taking another sip of coffee. ''Where's my mom anyway?''

''She's with Van Gogh.''

x-x-x

When Rory entered the diner, she found herself unconsciously scanning it for a presence she had grown so familiar with over the years she had lived here, even when they hadn't been talking to one and other. Or maybe she was indeed looking for him consciously. After all, last night was still lingering in her mind, although she was trying so hard to forget about it.

When she couldn't find him, she had a sudden urge to go outside and look for him at the bridge, but she knew that he wouldn't be there yet. He never was this early. He would still be up in the apartment he shared with Luke, doing his hair or something. A smile which held nothing but joy, came to a rest upon her face after hanging in the air for a while now.

-_x-Flashback-x-_

Rory was lying on Jess's bed. The door of the apartment was closed, which had invited her to put on one of Jess's many cd's. Right now the mellow guitar tunes of soft rock were filling up the small space. Something that bothered Luke, but didn't bother her or Jess. Still she always put the music down a few more notches than Jess would have, respecting Luke's wishes. It was his apartment after all. And to be honest, when music was played loudly, it always seemed to give her a headache or just add to her frustrations.

Rory sighed, while she closed another one of Jess's books and placed it on the pile next to his bed. All books she had read before. Most of them she had borrowed from Jess, because she had never heard of those authors or genres before. Who ever knew teen suicide would be an actual genre. Rory rolled her eyes. Only Jess would have a book like that lying around for everyone to see.

Slightly smiling she turned around so she was lying on her stomach, with her head at the foot of his bed. She reached for the stack of magazines and lifted them onto the bed. She quickly went through them, finding nothing of her interest, just like she had expected. After neatly placing them back where she had found them she flipped over, so she was now lying on her back, looking at the ceiling. Finally, when yet another song on the cd ended, she let out an impatient sigh and threw a glance in the direction of the bathroom door, which stood open.

''What are you doing in there?!''

''Grooming!'' was Jess's reply, filled with the usual dose of sarcasm. Something Rory couldn't help but softly laugh at.

''Well, can't you groom any faster?!''

Jess's face appeared in the door opening, his lips crookedly curved into a smirk. ''Don't you want me to look all dreamy?''

''Such an extended vocabulary and he uses the word dreamy,'' Rory mumbled, before rolling onto her side, so she could look at him. ''Besides, I don't care what you look like.''

At this comment Jess raised an eyebrow. ''Are you saying that I have been wasting my money on hair gel for these last couple of years?''

Rory nodded. ''And it just makes your hair sticky.''

Jess ran a hand through his tousled locks, before disappearing out of her sight again. She could hear him turn on the faucet, which meant that he was probably washing the gel from his hands.

''Jess!'' Rory said, raising her voice slightly, so she could be heard over the streaming water, which was turned off almost immediately, although Jess himself didn't say so much as a word.

''You think I'm attractive, right? I mean, not in a fake way that screams look at all my layers of make-up and skimpy clothes.....''

''Skimpy clothes?'' Jess interrupted, while he appeared in the door frame again, flashing her an amused smirk, before stepping into the room.

Rory sighed and shifted so she was lying on her back once more. ''You're unbelievable.''

She could hear him move towards her and only moments later he was towering over her, looking down at her. ''Yes, I think you're attractive.''

Rory smiled at his words, which encouraged Jess to take advantage of her position and straddle her, carefully placing his knees on each side of her body, not wanting to put too much of his weight on her. Rory laughed at his cautiousness and reached up to run a hand through his hair. Surprisingly there was no gel in it.

''You washed out the gel.''

Jess shrugged, while reaching for her arm and gently pulling it down, so he could grab her hand. He lowered his head a little and started to place kisses on each of her knuckles. A caring gesture that made Rory blush. A few days ago Jess straddling her would have had the same reaction, but she had gotten used to it quicker than she had expected. It gave her a safe feeling. He was being just as gentle with her as she always was with him.

''Jess,'' she said, wanting to make sure that he would be paying attention to her next words. ''What if I wasn't attractive..... Would you still like me as much?''

Her sudden question made him stop his movements and bring his head up, so he could peer down into her eyes, which stood as serious as the question was. When Jess didn't answer, Rory turned her head away from his gaze. ''I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked that. I mean, appearance does count and.....''

Jess silenced her with a kiss. A kiss she hadn't expected. A kiss which left her gasping for air when they parted. She looked up at his face and smiled when she saw how earnest his expression stood and how his eyes were taking a hold of hers, making her aware of the butterflies that had never stopped fluttering since she had met him.

''You're an amazing person, Rory. And, yes, beauty does count, which you have been more than blessed with, but I would still be attracted to you if you had crooked teeth, wore glasses and weighed twice as much as you do right now. You are too nice not to like.''

Rory's smile turned into a grin when she heard his answer and lowered her eyes to his chest at the same time, because of the blush that was threatening to creep onto her cheeks. She didn't think that he had ever been more open and honest with her.

''Thank you,'' she whispered, while slowly meeting his awaiting eyes once more.

Jess leaned in and placed a kiss on her forehead, while reaching for her waist with both of his hands. He skillfully changed positions with her, so that she was the one on top now. Rory hid the face in the crook of his neck, while running one of her hands through his hair, aware that he was doing the same with hers.

-x-End of Flashback-x-

Rory reached out her hand and grabbed Joey's wrist, shedding the memory like a second skin. Joey slightly tilted his head and looked at her, his eyes stood questioning, wondering what made her stop him. Rory moved closer towards him, so not everyone would be able to hear them talk. Joey smiled, although Rory knew that the smile would only be temporarily.

''Hey, is it okay if I go upstairs to say goodbye to Jess?''

She met Joey's eyes, already knowing that his smile had turned into a thin line. A thin line that was showing her how he really felt about Jess. Although in his eyes there was a struggle. A struggle that let her know that he was trying to understand and accept her close friendship with Jess, because of the past they had. But she knew that jealousy was close to taking over his emotions. Yet he nodded, a stern patience to his features.

Rory threw him an appreciative smile, before leaning in a little and kissing him full on the mouth, which was something she rarely did in a public place. She just didn't feel as comfortable expressing her emotions in front of a dozen or more watching pairs of eyes. She didn't want to flaunt what she had, which made her feel even more guilty, although when she had been with Jess she hadn't wanted to show off their relationship either. Jess was the one who had taken the liberty of kissing her in the middle of the street or in the middle of the diner. Something she had never expected of him, although it did suit him. He didn't care what other people thought of him or his actions.

And neither did Joey. But he was more respectful of what she wanted. That's why this kiss came as a surprise to him. One he took advantage of by adding pressure to the spot just above her back, so their bodies would be just lightly pressed together. Even when he deepened the kiss, by slipping the tip of his tongue between her lips, she didn't pull away. She felt too guilty to. She felt like she owed him. A thought that pushed her to the verge of crying without a warning, something she stopped by closing her eyes and getting even more lost in the kiss.

When they parted, a blush appeared on Rory's face, because she caught people looking at her. Joey removed his hand from her back and brought it up to her face, briefly running his thumb over her cheek, before lowering it to his side. ''Did that kiss have anything to do with an hidden agenda?'' he playfully asked.

Rory forced a smile on her face. ''I'm just thankful about how you're taking this.''

''I trust you.''

Rory nodded, but those words meant nothing anymore. Not when he didn't have any reason to trust her anymore. But she could earn his trust once more. Every person made mistakes, even she did. Mistakes she blamed on her reckless mind and on her blind intuition. ''Order me a cup of coffee and a donut......?''

''To go?'' Joey confirmed.

Rory nodded, before following Joey to the counter, where he sat down next to her mom. ''Hey, mom,'' she said, before kissing her mother on the cheek.

''Morning, sweets. Everything okay between you and lover boy?'' Lorelai asked, softly adding the last part. Concerned about the fact that she had found her daughter fast asleep on the couch this morning.

Rory nodded. ''We worked things out.''

''What was it about?''

''Jess.'' Rory paused, before turning to Luke. ''Luke, can I go upstairs?''

Luke raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. He just nodded and gave her permission to go up there if she wanted.

''Do you think that that's wise?'' her mother whispered.

Rory pretended not to hear her and turned around, also ignoring the look Joey was giving her. Even though he told her that he trusted her, the jealousy was still evident underneath his long lashes. She quickly disappeared through the curtains and stood on the first step of the stairs for a few seconds, just trying to make up her mind. Should she go up there to see him or not..... She really wanted to, but if she went, she didn't know what would happen. All this time she thought she could control herself, seemed to be a lie. Cause she had just let him kiss her last night. Let him. Out of her own free will.

Rory let out a silent sigh and ran a hand through her hair, a nervous gesture, but also subconsciously wanting to look decent before going up to Luke's apartment. Although Jess never seemed to care how she looked. Rory smiled once more at her earlier memory, before heading up to the apartment, seeming more confident than she really was, because she hadn't been up there in a long time. When she knocked on the door, the response she got was so familiar that it made her smile once more.

''Staring at the door won't magically open it!'' she heard Jess yell, before the door flew open.

''Or maybe in your case it will,'' he added, while he lowered his eyes down to her.

''Well, it kinda did magically open, I mean, I did absolutely nothing to help.''

''Huh, didn't know I could do magic,'' Jess remarked. ''So, did you want a show or........?''

Rory smiled at his words. ''I actually came to talk, but maybe later you can pull a rabbit out off a hat?''

Jess nodded and opened the door further. ''Come in.'' When Rory passed him, he made sure to take an extra step back. Last time she didn't seem to take it too well when he touched her. He closed the door and turned around, finding Rory looking around the apartment like she had never seen it before. He leaned against the door and patiently waited for her to return her eyes to him, which she eventually did.

''It looks exactly the same.''

Jess shrugged. ''Well, what did you expect?''

''I don't know. For things to change........''

Jess held her gaze for a few seconds, before pushing himself away from the door and walking over to his bed. ''Well, things did.''

Rory kept her eyes locked on his back, trying to ignore the hurt which his words had caused, while he headed over to his bed and sat down. Making her feel isolated, because his gesture seemed so familiar, as if nothing changed and they were still together. As if their relationship wasn't dented yet with the mood swings he used to get on his darker days and his short string of patience. Something she knew, was always hiding behind his usual coolness. It would creep through in some of his comments, giving her a fair warning, cause he couldn't always explain his sudden change of moods. A change that was waiting behind the boundaries of only his carelessness.

As he started to flip through one of his books, Rory reached for her throat, wondering why this room seemed so foreign to her and why he was acting so cold towards her. It made her feel nervous and unsure of what to do or say next, although she didn't seem to be able to move. She couldn't just leave. She had to try and save what they used to have, put their relationship back in perspective. But it was hard to, when her own vision was being blurred by memories that held her mind captive and by a kiss that still lingered on her lips. She licked her lips, while taking a step back and thinking of Joey, whom's trust she so desperately wanted to earn back.

She let her gaze wander through the apartment once more, using it as a distraction while she talked.

''I know things changed,'' she started, her gaze flying from object to object, because they couldn't seem to hold onto her attention for more than a single second. ''I mean, how can't they when we didn't talk for so long..... We lost touch of each other's lives and I feel bad about it, cause I didn't make an attempt to talk to you back when we weren't.''

''You're stubborn,'' Jess said, interrupting Rory's rant and causing her eyes to return to his figure.

Rory smiled at his words, although her smile quickly faded. ''But I know I didn't make things easier. Especially when I invited you to the wedding..... and..... when I called you. I should have respected your decision. You wanted your space and I think I did the wrong thing by....... I just.....'' Rory sighed, while running both of her hands through her hair, a nervous habit she copied from Jess, although he rarely ever did it. ''I made things more complicated for you, for me...... and for Joey. And I'm sorry.''

Jess nodded and shrugged. ''What's done is done.''

''Yeah....... I just needed to apologize before I left. So, I did and I'll just leave.''

Rory turned around and slowly started to head for the door, with Jess's eyes on her back as she moved closer and closer to the door. But before she could reach for the doorknob, Jess got up from his bed, the sudden rustling forcing Rory to stop her movements. They knew each other too well.

''I guess me kissing you didn't exactly help, huh?''

Rory turned her body a little and glanced at him. Their eyes met. His eyes stood blank as usual, while hers had a wistful glow to them. ''I'm married.''

''Exactly who are you trying to reach with those words, me or you?''

Rory turned around completely now and crossed her arms. ''What do you mean?''

''Well, you only pushed me away after letting me kiss you,'' Jess pointed out, while frowning at her naive behavior. Wondering if it was show or not. He voted for the last, cause she was just trying to make things as less complicated as she could for her and Joey. A realization that stung him deeper than he would have ever guessed.

''I was upset, I........I needed a friend.''

''I don't think kissing would qualify as comforting, do you?'' Jess remarked.

Color streamed to Rory's cheeks as she met Jess's eyes. ''I wasn't thinking. I admit that I shouldn't have let that happen, but it was a mistake. A mistake!''

''So, a mistake?'' Jess asked bitterly, something Rory didn't miss.

''Jess, come on........'' Rory softly pleaded, persuading him to see her side. ''I'm sorry, I just needed a friend and you were there.''

''I always am, aren't I?'' Jess asked, while shoving his hands in his pockets.

''Yeah, but.........''

''Hey, I understand,'' Jess said, while shrugging. ''Things change, right?''

Rory nodded, choosing not to say anything about his defensive manner, hiding his vulnerability. ''We're friends, right?'' she carefully asked.

''Always have.''

''Even when we weren't talking?''

Jess nodded and watched as a smile appeared on her face, which made him feel slightly better, although it hurt that they were, once again, back to being friends. They had both agreed this time. Face to face. They were friends. Just friends.

-x-REVIEW-x- Please? :-) I hope you enjoyed this chapter, especially the flashback. My entire story seems to be based upon the flashbacks, although I didn't intend to put them in, but I wanted to show you what Rory and Jess's relationship used to be like. So, thanks again for the reviews and I'll update asap. :-)


	11. Double crossed

Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

A/N: Hey :-) I know that it took me longer than usual to update, but I have three stories to work on now and the last couple of weeks of school are pretty stressful. I just hope this chapter isn't that bad and I wanna thank **Alexia** for letting me bother her with my questions and all. :-)

Bye, smile :-)

* * *

The silence in the car came as a relief to Rory, for she and Joey hardly ever exchanged a word when they would be in a car, giving her the illusion that things between them were fine once again. The wrinkles in their relationship had been straightened out this morning and Rory had decided to put it as far behind her as she could; she wanted things between her and Joey to work. She loved him and now that she and Jess had both agreed on being friends, he wasn't a threat to her anymore and neither was she to him. She had no reason to feel guilty for stepping back into Jess's life because he didn't seem to have a girlfriend, something that made things both easier and complicated for her because if he would have had a girlfriend than she would have never even thought about kissing him back when he had pressed his lips onto hers. She would have felt too guilty afterwards if she had known that he had a girlfriend.

She had a husband and yet she didn't even hesitate to kiss Jess back or dream about him, albeit she couldn't control her dreams and she blamed her actions on impulsivity, which wasn't an excuse, but she felt better knowing that she hadn't been thinking when she had kissed Jess. She couldn't have been thinking; she had been upset and in need of comfort.

Rory stared out of the window while biting her lower lip, knowing that it couldn't be blamed on impulse or her mind which left her to put the blame on her heart, something she had refused to do a couple of days ago. She admitted to still having feelings for Jess, but she also had feelings for Joey, stronger ones, or so she wanted to believe. She wouldn't have married Joey if she hadn't loved him, but she also wouldn't have kissed Jess if she did love him as much as she thought she did. Rory sighed, angry at herself and at love, because it consisted of so many definitions, emotions, and complications.

Joey threw a look in her direction when he heard her sigh. ''Are you okay?''

Rory nodded. ''I just wish we could have stayed longer,'' she confessed, camouflaging her own concerns - concerns that were probably spooking through his head, too.

''I know,'' Joey replied while reaching for her hand with his free one. ''As soon as I can get a week off work, we'll go and visit them again. And until then, they can visit us, especially your mom. I know you miss her.'' He gently ran his thumb over her knuckles as he said this.

''Yeah, I know. We're just too busy though; I practically live at the news office and you and your pharmacy share a bond even I can't come between. My mom would be alone most of the day anyway and she would have to entertain herself, something she hates and sucks at.''

A smile briefly passed across Joey's face, a smile that reached up to his eyes. ''Yeah, and we don't want her snooping around the house. What is she finds out all our little dirty secrets?''

''Like.....?'' Rory asked, while turning her head to look at him.

''The porn collection we have stashed underneath our bed or the cuffs at the bottom of our closet and.....''

Rory pulled her hand free and gave him a gentle push. ''I can't believe I married you.'' Her tone was playful as she said this, but both realized that her words had the danger of truth flickering in them, so she bit her tongue and remained quiet for the seconds that followed, hoping that he would do the same. Joey, however, decided to see how deep he could dig and what he would be able to discover in the process - a process which he had tried to complete several times before with no success.

''So, did you get the chance to say goodbye to Jess?'' was his subtle start.

Rory nodded, the smile on her face fading like the light of a setting sun. ''Yeah, I said goodbye.''

''Good,'' Joey responded, while placing his right hand back onto the steering wheel, gripping it just a little tighter that he normally did. ''not that you two didn't have the time to properly say goodbye; you two were up there a little too long just to say goodbye. I bet you two got the chance to talk, too.''

Rory turned her head towards the window on her right, responding with a slight nod to let him know that he was indeed right.

''What did you two talk about?'' Joey continued, following the fascinating road of his curiosity.

Rory sighed. ''Joey, please, I don't wanna get into this again. We talked, nothing more.''

''I'm not trying to get into anything. As your husband I was just wondering and showing interest.''

''You're not showing interest; you're prying, prying into nothing, because Jess and I are friends.''

''But there must still be some unresolved issues between the two of you, some unresolved tension,'' Joey said, taking their conversation down a road Rory never had an intention of following, but now she was forced to - to explain herself, something she ought to do, but had never planned on actually doing. She had just planned on keeping the kiss between her and Jess behind lock and key, never bring it up ever again and never letting something like that happen ever again.

''Why are you pushing this?!'' Rory asked, while looking at her husband again, aggravated by his persistence. ''Why won't you believe me when I say that we're just friends?!''

''Because I don't know if I should.....''

Rory looked at the side of his face for a couple of seconds before licking her lips and turning her head in the direction of the window again, crossing her arms in the process. ''God, you almost sound jealous.....''

''Well, maybe I am, Rory,'' Joey softly admitted. ''He is your ex-boyfriend and you two seem so close....''

''We were close,'' she corrected, cutting him off.

''Are,'' he responded childishly.

Rory glanced at him from the corner of her eye. ''We're not turning this into a stupid yes or no argument, especially when we have nothing to argue about.''

''In your opinion.''

''What?'' Rory asked.

''You don't see the way you look at him.....''

''Luckily not, because that would just be weird,'' Rory interrupted, hoping to lighten the mood between them.

''See, that's how I know that you're lying about you and him only being friends.'' Joey paused long enough to make a clicking noise with his tongue before going on. ''You try to avoid the subject and make it seem like no big deal, which it is, no matter how you're trying to make me look at it.''

''You're not making any sense.''

Joey shook his head. ''Figures.''

The rest of the car ride they sat in an awkward silence, each afraid to move or shift in their seats. And the discomfort was just taken to another level when they reached their apartment. They each got their own bags from the trunk and walked up to their apartment building in a still reigning silence and it wasn't until they had entered their apartment that Rory finally felt a little more at ease. She tightened the hold on her bag before looking up long enough to catch Joey's gaze on her.

''I'm going to unpack.''

Joey didn't say or do anything, but just watched her as she disappeared into their room. Once in there, Rory threw the bag on the bed and started to unzip it, slipping into another memory as she did this - a memory of a fight, that unlike her and Joey's had, had a happy ending.

-x-Flashback-x-

A faint knock on the door made Jess look up, distracted from the TV he had been watching. He knew that it was her; he had been expecting her. After all, Rory wasn't the kind of person that would walk away from a fight - a fight that had started with a small argument - an argument he had been the cause of simply because up until now, he had chosen not to confess to her the reason behind it. With one last quick look at the screen, he headed over to the door and opened it.

His speculation had been correct. It was indeed Rory. Her eyes were on the same level as his because of the heels she was wearing - heels that matched her ebony colored dress. Jess swiftly took in her delicate face with its graceful features that were accentuated by the make-up she was wearing - her eye shadow was precisely the same color as her hair which he noticed was messily curled and pinned back, away from her face instead of loose and straight, the way she usually wore it.

''Hey,'' Rory said, when he had his eyes focused on hers again.

Jess nodded at her before turning around and heading back to the TV, deciding not to be the one who would start this argument.

Rory closed the door en leaned against it as she watched him fix his gaze intensely on the screen; although, she knew that it was just an act. His eyes might have been looking at the screen, but she knew that he was just waiting for everything to start so they could get this over with and that was the reason she kept coming back to this particular subject, forcing him to lose patience and sometimes his temper. He could brush off anything with ease, something Rory found frustrating because he never told her why they had to avoid certain subjects and it was this incomprehension that set the playing field for their feuds.

''I still don't get why you didn't want to come with us,'' Rory carefully began, while looking over at Jess who was trying so hard to seem careless and unaffected by her words, but she knew better from the way his shoulders had tensed up and from the way his face had become blank, his eyes expressionless. ''I was looking forward to introducing you to my grandparents, especially my grandpa. He likes the same authors as you.''

''We wouldn't hit it off anyway,'' he responded, still not looking up from the TV.

''How do you know when you haven't even met them?''

''Rory,'' he warned her, while throwing a glance in her direction.

''I'm trying to understand,'' she continued, while locking eyes with him. ''To understand why you didn't want to join us tonight, but without a reason, I.....''

''You want a reason?'' Jess asked, while he turned off the TV and turned to face her. ''It's because of that.'' He gestured towards her.

''I don't.....''

But he cut her off once more as he walked over to her, coming to a halt directly in front of her. ''The dress, the hair, the make-up.'' His eyes followed the same road as his words, taking in her elegant appearance more closely than he had before.

''So I look different. It's just to please my grandparents.''

''It's not you,'' Jess stated firmly, his dark eyes peering directly into hers.

''It's just an appearance,'' she tried to explain, while pulling the pins out of her hair so the curls could cascade over her shoulders and lay against her cheeks.

''Exactly. It's just an appearance, so why go all this trouble to change it for one night?''

Rory bit her lip before replying. ''I know that I usually don't dress like this and that I usually wear jeans, but.....''

''They suit you better,'' came his sharp response, one that cut deeper than he had intended by the way Rory pressed her lips together and averted her eyes.

''Ror, that's not what I meant. You look beautiful in anything, but I just prefer you in your usual clothes.''

''My usual clothes,'' she repeated, not caring that he was trying to make her forget about his earlier remark by polishing it with a compliment. She had heard the edge in his voice when he had said it, which insinuated that the words held a deeper meaning - one she was trying to pry out of him with guilt, if she had to. Normally, she had no problem to respect his self-isolation, but she was sick of him making up excuses every time she wanted him to come to dinner with her so he could finally meet her grandparents.

''Jess, you've been blowing these dinners off ever since I mentioned to you that they wanted to meet you. I'm fed up with making up excuses and I'm sick of fighting over this with you. If you really hate the idea of coming to dinner so much, then I won't make you. You just have to give me a reason, please? Because you pointing out that I look different than usual isn't getting me anywhere and it isn't making me feel any better about all of this.''

Her eyes found his again. ''Please?'' And that was the moment he took down his walls, when he saw the pleading look flicker behind the blue of her eyes. He realized that he could keep quiet about everything else, but that he had to talk to her about this one and reassure her that it wasn't her or anything about her.

Jess reached for her hand and entwined his fingers with hers, taking his time to do so. Rory traced his gentle movements with her eyes silently. His delicate touch was letting her know that she had gotten through and that just for this one time, he would open up and let her take a brief look inside.

''You know I didn't mean to make you feel worse.''

Jess brought her hand up and kissed it while holding her gaze long enough to catch the smile that was quickly forming on her face. ''I know. You're just so secretive. I wish that you would tell me more, but at the same time..... I like you like this. You're so mysterious.....''

Jess smirked, causing his lips to form a crooked line, one she traced with her free hand before bringing it up to his hair and entangling her fingers in his black curls. ''And I didn't mean to make you feel obliged to go. I just wanted you to meet my grandparents because they are a big part of my life.''

''I know that,'' he responded. ''And I don't wanna ruin that for you.''

''What do you mean?'' Rory softly asked, curious for his answer.

''Look, Rory, your grandparents are rich and have a fancy life style and I'm from New York. They will dislike me.''

''They won't. You haven't even met them, so how can you say something ridiculous like that? They would love you, especially my grandfather. You two are so alike and have so much in common,'' she said, trying to make him feel better, something which she was succeeding at.

''You are aware that you're comparing me to someone who's probably four times my ages, aren't you?'' he asked with a smile.

''Yes, but I'm also comparing you to a person I adore,'' Rory said, while she played with the curls at the nape of his neck, a small but caring gesture, one that sent shivers down his spine.

''Adore, huh?'' Jess asked, while he leaned in a little more just to be able to look even deeper into her eyes which were sparkling with the only emotion she had never verbally expressed to him.

Rory nodded, her heart skipping more than one beat underneath the weight of his eyes that he had fixed on her in a way she had never seen or experienced before.

''If it means that much to you, I'll chaperone you to the next dinner,'' he said.

Rory brought her face closer to his until her lips were almost touching his and her lashes were almost brushing against his face. The proximity was killing Jess because he knew that he would have to wait for her to finish this conversation before he could make the next move. Rory was aware of his inner struggle by the way his hands had found her waist a few seconds ago and by how they were now resting upon her hips.

''I would like that..... but I won't force you.''

''I want to.....'' Jess said, while he lowered his eyes down to her lips.

''You want to what?'' Rory asked, her breath ragged with desire.

Jess licked his lips while he pulled her hips against his. ''I want to.....'' He paused for a few seconds so he could place his lips directly on top of hers, although he wasn't putting any pressure on them. ''.....go to dinner with you.....''

The rest of his sentence remained unsaid because of Rory fiercely pressing her lips against his.

-x-End of Flashback-x-

Rory folded her last piece of clean clothing and put it on top of the small stack on her bed. With a sigh, she picked it up and placed it on an empty shelf in her closet. After doing that, she made her way into the living room with a couple of strides. She had expected to run into Joey sitting on the couch or hearing the sound of rustling pages as he flipped through one of his magazines, but instead, she heard nothing but the ticking of the clock and the beating of her own heartbeat, one that got more rapid when she spotted a sheet of writing paper lying on top of the coffee table. She dropped herself on the couch before leaning over to read his neat and precise handwriting.

-x-x-x-

Rory,

I went over to Bobbie's place for the night so you don't have to bother with unpacking my stuff. His number is in my address book if you need to reach me. I just needed some time to think and figured that we couldn't do that while being so close. I'll see you again in the morning.

Joey

-x-x-x-

Rory leaned back against the couch, her eyes falling on the phone that was lying next to Joey's note. She took a deep breath before reaching for it and quickly dialing a number. She crossed her fingers and hoped that the right person would answer.

''Luke's diner where the bacon is really from some poor, slaughtered pig and the...... sorry, uncle Luke! Jeez.....''

''Jess,'' Rory said. ''We were in another fight.''

She waited for Jess to say something, but the only answer she got was the dial tone because Jess had hung up on her, leaving her to feel even more miserable than she did. Both Jess and Joey seemed sick of dealing with her.....

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REVIEW! Please? :-) Thanks again for putting up with another one of my chapters and thank you, to the people, who have reviewed the previous chapter or any for that matter. I appreciate it. Don't know how long it'll take for me to update again, but it'll be asap. :-) 


	12. Confusion is poison in my mind

Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

A/N: Hey! :-) It took me long enough to update this story :-) I had this faze where all I would write were one parters, but that's obviously over so I'll be updating this story as frequently as the words flow. _Thanks again, Alexia _:-)

* * *

Confusion is poison in my mind

Rory lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling while her fingers loosened their grip on the note she still held between them. There was no use in holding on to it tightly when she knew the words by heart, so she let go of the small piece of paper and let it flutter to the ground. It was evidence of the fact that her marriage was going downhill fast and with every day that passed, the cracks became more and more visible to her. At first, she hadn't wanted to open her eyes to face that truth and she kept them shut, even though Joey confronted her with it often.

He had been the first to admit that something was wrong, terribly wrong, and he had also been the first and only one who had tried to do something about it. Rory, on the other hand, hadn't bothered with sealing those cracks in their relationship; she knew that there was nothing she or Joey could do about them. It was true that her heart sometimes ached for someone else. Even the fights between Joey and her made her realize that, although he might be a prince charming, he wasn't her prince charming. Sure, the fights made her feel guilty, but that was the only emotion she felt lately. When with Jess, her heart would break at every single one of their fights, especially because of how sudden and harsh he could be, reckless with both his and her emotions.

-x-Flashback-x-

Rory stirred in her sleep as a gray cloud took over her dreams, prying into her slumber and pushing her to the brink of consciousness. The smothering grayness reminded her of smoke that had wrapped itself around her like a thick suffocating blanket, although, it felt liberating at the same time because of the cognizance of it. She could recognize the smell, even in her hazy state of mind. It was a smell she was confronted with practically every day, only this one was more significant, more familiar and that familiarity started to push her towards the edge, causing her to toss and turn even more and to softly moan in her sleep. She knew that smell and she was so close to putting her finger on it. Finally, she was pushed over the edge, her eyes flying open and gasping out the answer.

''Jess.'' It came out as a ragged whisper that one could pick up if they chose to.

Rory turned her head to look at the empty spot beside her, where the sheets had been tucked in again and straightened out, leaving not as much as one single wrinkle to remind her of his presence, although the faint smell of cologne and cigarettes still lingered. She recognized the latter from her dreams and almost immediately, the name of a brand popped into her head, although, the words remained unclear until she thought about it for another few seconds. Once she had adjusted herself to the smell, her eyes sleepily dragged themselves over to the window where they rested themselves on a pair of bare feet. She started to wiggle her toes without paying attention to it as she took in his appearance before her eyes lazily moved up his clad legs and past his bare chest before coming to a stop at his face. Rory smiled at his unshaven face. She could feel the roughness of it against her skin if she closed her eyes. Her eyes wandered up to his unruly hair before lowering them down to his face again, her gaze darkening at the cigarette that now hung carelessly from his lips. She watched him take a drag.

Jess looked directly at her as he removed the cigarette from his mouth so he could exhale. He knew that the smoke shouldn't bother her too much because he had opened the window to a crack before he had even fished the cigarette out of his pocket. He looked at her as she lay on the bed, her hair spread out on the pillow and the straps of her tank top halfway down her arms. The word beautiful came to mind, just because of how she looked lying there and how her eyes were following his every move. No one had ever observed him so closely and no one had ever seen him so vulnerable before, almost on the edge of breaking because of her beauty. He took one last drag of his cigarette before putting it out in a cup of water he had gotten out of the bathroom earlier, knowing that a question was going to leave her mouth within seconds and that after a few more, words would be spilling out of his mouth, too - words he didn't always mean.

''What's wrong?'' Rory finally asked, her voice sounding soft and fragile from the slumber she had just awoken from, although Jess knew that it was also the tone she used with him when she wanted to let him know that she was just trying to understand him.

''I think I made a mistake.''

''A mistake...,'' Rory repeated, not wanting to state it as a question because she was afraid of his answer.

''I think I made a mistake by...'' Jess paused so he could avert his eyes from Rory's searching ones, hoping to find the answer before he would actually tell her because that would hurt her more. ''I think I made a mistake by sleeping with you.''

Rory opened her mouth to gasp, but no sound came out. She felt as if all her emotions were caught in her throat, stuck, just like she was right now. She brought her gaze up to the ceiling, hoping that if she would keep them looking up the tears wouldn't get the chance to fill her eyes with the pain and sadness she was feeling at the moment. His words stung and they made her feel as nervous and insecure as she was on the night that they slept together. A night that had been one of her happiest ones and now she already found herself regretting it. At this last thought, tears sprung to her eyes and she lowered them, not caring anymore that she was crying.

''Why?'' Rory managed to utter, her words shaky and unstable.

''Because you deserved your first time to be with someone better.'' Jess briefly paused again before continuing. ''No matter how much you don't want to believe your mom, she is right about me.''

''Jess,'' Rory tried.

''I do have an influence on you, otherwise you wouldn't have slept with me, not on your own free will...''

''Jess, please,'' Rory pleaded, her vision blurred by all of the tears she was shedding because of how he was carving into her heart.

''...rom the first time your mom saw me, she judged me and thought that I was no good. And now, even though we are together, she still doesn't trust me and now that I slept with you, she will probably see me as a complete screw-up... a screw-up that fucked her daughter for that matter,'' Jess crudely finished, not realizing what he had done until he heard Rory's harsh reply.

''I hope I was a good one.''

Rory turned onto her side so her back was facing Jess. She covered her mouth with her right hand to muffle her cries while her left was clawing into the pillow. Although she was trying her best not to let him see her upset, Jess could tell by her shaking figure that she really was. This time, he had scarred her with his words - words he had only said because he cared so much about her.

He looked at her for a while, torturing himself by letting his heart break slowly, piece by piece. He let out a defeated sigh as he approached the bed. He stopped and stood there, letting even more seconds fade away as he looked down at her, wondering why she was one of the only people in this town who chose to see both his good and bad sides. Jess carefully climbed onto the bed and laid down next to her, being sure not to press his body against hers like he usually did, although the warmth that he could feel radiating from her skin was tempting.

Rory held her breath when she felt the mattress shift underneath his weight. Because of the tight silence between them, she could hear his heart beat, although, it could also be her imagination. She knew that he had a heart, but sometimes he just acted too easily without thinking, making his heartbeat fade to a sound she could barely hear.

''I didn't know we were in a fight; I didn't know there was something to fight about,'' she hesitantly started, unsure of where to go from here. She moved her lips, but when nothing came out she closed them again, thinking about what she wanted to say.

''I'm sorry you feel like that, but you didn't force me into sleeping with you and I don't understand why you would even think that. It wasn't just your choice, you know?'' Rory finished, wiping the tears from her eyes, not knowing how long it would take for them to be replaced by new ones - by fresh ones.

''Ror, I...''

''I hate it when you're like this. It's as if you don't care and... and it hurts because I think you do, I know you do... because you can be so kind to me sometimes, like when we...'' Rory trailed off and took a shaky breath. ''Why do you have to be that way?''

Jess moved a little closer towards her, although, there was still an inch of space between them. He gently kissed her on the shoulder before placing his hand on her arm.

''I didn't mean to turn it into a fight.'' He slid his hand down to her hand, but didn't reach for it.

''Then what did you mean?'' Rory whispered. ''If you really regret it, then I'm...''

''No,'' Jess said, placing another kiss on her shoulder. ''I shouldn't have said that.''

''Then why...''

Jess sighed. ''I'm...I'm just...''

''You're what?'' Rory asked, curious about his answer.

''Insecure,'' Jess admitted.

''Insecure? But, why? I mean, you must have had relationships before and you must have...''

''Those were different from what we have. You're different, you actually care about what I feel and about what I want, even though I don't always make that crystal clear to you. I just don't want you to feel like I've taken you for granted because...''

''I know,'' Rory interrupted. She reached for Jess's hand with her own and entangled her fingers loosely with his. ''You don't have to be perfect. No one is, Jess.''

''You are,'' he whispered against the back of her neck, causing her to smile.

''Thank you,'' she said, although, she hadn't meant on saying that. She had meant on saying something else. She had meant on telling him that she loved him, but she didn't think that he was ready to deal with that so she waited. Another perfect moment would come along.

-x-End of Flashback-x-

Rory turned onto her side so she was now facing her closet as she thought about the fights she had with Jess. They would always appear out of nowhere, although Rory knew that Jess's mind would be occupied by a particular subject for several days before he actually brought it to her attention. It had taken her a while to figure that out and read between the lines. Finally, she had gotten tired of searching for answers constantly and of trying to pinpoint his emotions so after a while, she had just accepted his enigmatic persona, even though she would still get frustrated at him every now and then because he made such a big deal of keeping his feelings hidden from her.

Joey, on the other hand, hadn't been as difficult to understand. She had been able to unravel his mystery sooner than she had expected by asking her share of questions and just simply by observing. Joey was very sensitive and thoughtful towards her and that was a part of his charm, but it also took away a big part of it.

Rory let out a frustrated sigh as she forced herself to make a decision because she couldn't keep up this act. She couldn't keep lying to Joey and let him believe that she was happy with what they had when she kept thinking of what used to and might still be between her and Jess. She had to at least try and find out if her feelings for Jess were genuine, and, if they weren't or if he rejected her, then she would at least know because she would rather be alone than unhappy.

Rory swiftly got up from the bed and headed into the living room where she sat down on the couch with the phone in her hands. The thought of calling Joey instead crossed her mind, but knowing that it would only get them into another fight, she dialed another number instead. It rang for a while before someone answered.

''Yeah?''

She recognized that voice instantly and it brought a lot of memories up to the surface - memories of him talking to her, whispering, and even yelling at her, but she forced herself not to think about anything so she could focus all of her attention on the conversation they were about to have.

''It's Rory.''

She waited, although, she wasn't sure for what because she hadn't expected him to talk. Jess could remain angry or upset with her for a long time and she hated it, but what she hated the most were the silences that would fall between them every time he was - silences that could last up to a couple of days because of both his and her stubbornness. This time, however, she wouldn't remain quiet and listen to him breathe; that wasn't enough for her anymore, just like those dreams and memories weren't enough for her anymore.

''Please, don't hang up. I have something to say to you.''

Rory paused for a few seconds to listen if he was still there.

''I..... I want to see you.''

''What?''

Rory smiled at his expectable response. ''I want to see you.'' This time she said it without any hesitation. ''I know that I haven't been honest with Joey, but I haven't been honest with you, either. I've been having these dreams, lately - dreams... dreams about us, or I guess they're really memories of when we used to be together.''

''What does that mean, Rory?'' Jess interrupted.

''Well...'' Rory started, her hands shaking because of how nervous she seemed to be. ''I don't know, but that's what I want to find out. I can't keep lying to Joey.''

''That's your business.''

''Jess, I...''

''And what makes you think that I still care? What makes you think that I'm not fed up with all of this?'' Jess asked, his tone harsh and demanding.

''Maybe you don't, but I keep thinking about you... I just want to see you and hang out.''

Jess sighed. ''Isn't it a little too late for hat? I mean, you're married and I don't think Joey will approve.''

''Joey already knows that there was something between us and he suspects that there still is... Jess, he's spending the night with one of his friends.''

''I don't think that it'll make things better if we meet somewhere,'' Jess said genuinely.

''I'm not sure that I want to make things better. I don't think I'm happy anymore.''

''God, Ror, you can't expect me to do this, can you?'' he asked.

''No, I can't. Only do this if you want to... and if you can still find a place in your heart for me.''

''There always will be,'' he confessed. ''Fine. Where do you wanna meet?''

''I'll come to Stars Hollow tomorrow. Maybe we can browse through books at the local bookstore.''

''Are you sure that this is what you want?''

Rory smiled. ''Yes.''

''Okay then, stop by the diner when you're in town.''

With those last words, he hung up.

* * *

REVIEW! Please? :-) I doubt anyone is still interested in this story because even I'm not such a big fan of this story anymore, probably because I want to start something new, but I know that I will have to finish this one first. Thanks for your patience and for your kind reviews. :-) I feel like my writing just keeps going downhill... :-) Just ignore me. :-)


	13. Love is Found when Two Hearts Break

Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

A/N: I don't have a lot to say at this moment, but be sure to read the A/N at the bottom, okay? :-) Until then I hope you'll enjoy this chapter _which Alexia so kindly looked through for me. _:-)

* * *

Love is Found when Two Hearts Break

When Rory closed her car door, she didn't pull her hand back; instead, her fingers remained sprawled out on it as if she was considering to open it again, get in, and drive away, leaving everyone out here in the dust of her reckless behavior that was so inconsiderate towards Joey, her husband. She knew that the best decision she could make right now was to drive away from her past and never once look back because then, she might have another chance to unshackle her marriage - that was what Joey wanted, for her to just stop prying into her past so much and wander down memory lane so often; he wanted her to stop wishing for things that would never be, but what if he was wrong? What if she could rekindle that old flame between her and Jess? Joey would never forgive her, but if he loved her as much as he claimed he did, then he would want her to be happy, even if it meant being happy with someone else.

Rory pulled her hand back and glanced over at the diner. This time there wasn't one particular memory spiraling through her mind, instead, there were more. They were twisting themselves around the few rational thoughts she still had and ran crisscross passed each other, making her feel dizzy with excitement and that sugarcoated nervousness that caused her eyes to sparkle with a smile that was too foolish to actually show. With a simple movement from her feet, she turned herself around so she could cross the street. The closer she got to the diner, the harder it became to fight the urge to smile and the more she became aware of her own heartbeat that seemed to be increasing with every step. Those two reactions were proof enough for her that this was indeed the right thing to do. She had to give in to her instinct and let her intuition lead her to whatever destination it had in mind.

She walked over to the entrance of the diner without sneaking a peek through the window, believing that if she did, some of the magic would be lost. She could compare it to a surprise someone had for you. All day long, she would ponder about it and wonder what it could be, but once she saw the shape through the wrapping, part of the appeal faded, even if it was only for a minute or two. Of course, it would return once she was ripping the paper off and it would even remain once she saw what it was, but if you gave it a couple of days, the charm of it would completely wear off, leaving her with a longing for another one of those surprises. That was what Jess was, one of those surprises, except with him, she would never lose interest because she would never entirely be able to unwrap him.

Rory pushed open the door and entered the diner, the bell above the door jingling as it announced her presence. Her eyes immediately skittered over to the counter, expecting him to be there. When he wasn't, she wanted to leave and give herself another opportunity to change her mind and live happily ever after with Joey, but she didn't move. She couldn't because her eyes had already found him, it had just taken a while for the image to get through to her. Just as she had planned to leave, he had appeared from behind the curtains, almost as if he had been waiting for her to walk in. She brought her eyes up to his, anticipating for their eyes to lock, but just as they were about to, a familiar voice caused her attention to falter and her eyes to slip.

''Mom,'' she said, trying not to let her surprise shine through as she turned her head. She quickly scanned the crowd in search of her mom, who she found sitting at a table by the window, her coffee temporarily forgotten in her hands. Rory made her way over to the table.

''Sweets, what are you doing here?'' Lorelai asked as her daughter sat down across from her. ''Shouldn't you be at work?''

''I took a day off. I have all of the stuff they need saved on my computer, plus they can reach me on my cell phone if they need to. Besides, I thought I deserved a day off.''

''I wish I could just do that, but if I don't come in for a day and leave Michel in charge, all hell will break lose. Suddenly, toilets will start flooding, the staff will slack off and Michel's head will increase its width because of the growing ego.''

''Hire a filming crew and you'll make Stars Hollow famous,'' Rory remarked.

''And lose all of my precious European guests that will travel across the world just to stay in my Inn?''

Rory offered her mom a small smile. ''So you're going back over to the Dragonfly in a few?''

Lorelai nodded while sipping her coffee. ''Yeah, I have to prepare for all of those European guests. You can come with me if you want.''

Rory lowered her hands to her lap and started to pull at the hem of her shirt. ''Actually, I was thinking I could browse through the books at the local bookstore.''

''Because they don't have bigger and better bookstores in Hartford with a larger selection,'' Lorelai said, raising an eyebrow. ''What's the real reason you're here?''

Rory sighed and looked up at her mom. ''I came to see Jess.''

''Well, at least the book browsing makes a lot more sense now. Does Joey know about your little rendezvous with your ex-boyfriend?''

Rory shook her head while nervously tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. ''No, he doesn't. See, mom, Joey and I aren't doing so good.''

''I know,'' Lorelai replied.

''How do you know?''

''You coming here to visit Jess gave it away. It is because of punk rebel boy over there, right?''

Rory nodded. ''Yeah, although he didn't have a lot to do with it. I think he even tried to stop me from doing something that might dent my marriage.''

''And now it's entirely dented.''

Rory smiled sadly. ''Are you mad?''

''Of course not, honey. If Joey's not the man for you then you'll have to find the man that is, even if that man is Jess.''

That was when reality fully unraveled itself to Rory. She wasn't happy with Joey; she had just settled for him because he came as close to perfect as she would ever find. But she didn't want a picture perfect life, she wanted a life that would give her something unexpected every day - a life that shifted with every emotion possible day in and day out and left her hanging with surprise and Joey wasn't the kind of person that could give her that, but Jess was and if he would still take her, she would be more than happy to have him.

Rory smiled, relieved that she had finally admitted it to herself. ''Thanks, mom''

''Well, I have gone through some relationships where I wasn't as happy as I should be so the least I can do is pass on my advice. Advice some people will surely kill for and be willing to die for, too.''

''You're a knowledgeable woman,'' Rory said.

''I'm so proud to be your mommy.''

Rory rolled her eyes as she watched her mom take a gulp of her coffee and get up.

''I have to get back to work. Don't leave Stars Hollow without letting me know, okay?''

''I won't.''

''Good girl,'' Lorelai said before placing a kiss on Rory's head and storming off in the direction of the door. Rory remained seated for a few more seconds as she waited for her mom to pass by the window. When she did, Lorelai made a face and Rory just waved, thankful for what she and her mom still had.

''It's scary, but sometimes she seems even more immature than you.''

''Which would make her five,'' Rory commented as her eyes swiftly found the figure that was hovering over her. ''Hey.''

''Hey,'' Jess responded while his hands disappeared into his pockets.

''So, bookstore?''

Jess nodded and took a few steps back so she would have the room she needed to get up. ''You picked a good day.''

''I did?''

''Yep, a new truckload of books just arrived about an hour ago.''

''A truckload?'' Rory asked, looking back at Jess as she opened the door.

''Literally.''

''I'm so glad I brought money.''

Jess smirked as he followed Rory outside. No matter what subject they were avoiding or how awkward their interaction was supposed to be, they could always go back to being friends as easily as one would snap their fingers.

-x-x-x-

''Are you sure you won't need a truck to take all of that home?'' Jess asked while he looked over at Rory who had stubbornly insisted on carrying her own books. Even now, when she was frowning because of the weight of the two paper bags that were hanging from her hands, she stuck out her tongue at him, trying not to lose the balance which she could normally so effortlessly keep.

Jess shook his head as he reached for his back pocket, running his fingers over the unworn pages of the single book he had bought. He didn't see the use in buying more than one book when you could only get lost in one at the time, anyway. As he watched her struggle with the books, he wondered what was next on their agenda. His guess was pointless chitchat over a cup of coffee.

''You're obsessed,'' he thoughtlessly said, although in his mind, it was a small piece of a beautiful sentence - a sentence that would end with the truth.

''Am not,'' he heard her reply, his cue to continue.

''You are,'' he started, his eyes moving up to her eyes in anticipation of his next words. ''You're obsessed... with the past.''

Just as he expected, her eyes found his within a heartbeat, widening with the surprise that her features helped tell.

''We need to talk,'' he said as he broke his gaze free from hers.

''I know,'' was her gentle response as if she had already found peace with what was about to come.

They kept on walking in silence. The destination was clear to the both of them and once they reached it, familiarity took over them instantly and shot through their bodies like an electric shock. Their entire bodies shook for a single second and even when the feeling left them, there was still that buzzing sound around them that only they could hear. Rory smiled as she felt her body tingle with energy. She wondered if his heart was vibrating at the same ghostly rhythm as hers as it was still temporarily caught in a frenzy of pure bliss. Jess was experiencing the same thrill. It felt as if he was riding a roller coaster upside down through the clouds and, knowing that even if he would unbuckle his safety belt and just let himself fall, he would land softly as if he had been floating on air, feeling feather light. As they sat down on the bridge, the feeling faded into the background, sounding like a record that was playing in a distant room, although they could still hear the words clearly.

''What do you wanna hear?'' Rory asked, starting off the conversation bravely.

''The truth.''

Rory nodded as she lowered her head so her hair would shade her face from him for as long as she wanted. It would make it easier to talk.

''I don't love Joey. I can't even say it to him anymore because I don't think I ever loved him; well, of course, I did love him, but not in the way I was supposed to.'' She paused, taking in her own words now that she had said it. ''I haven't even told him all of this yet, that I don't love... that I'm not in love with him anymore.''

''But he does suspect?'' Jess asked while looking at her.

''Yes. I tried not to fall out of love with him, but it happened...''

''When?''

''Do you even have to ask?'' Rory asked, tilting her head a little so she could up at Jess.

'' I'm sorry.''

''I'm not,'' she calmly said. ''It's entirely my fault and I just came here to talk to you because I...''

''Me, too,'' Jess said.

Rory smiled and did nothing as Jess started to lean in. She wanted him to do so because it would trigger only more memories and right now, that was what she needed because that was all she could have. It was all she would let herself have. So when there were only a few inches of space left between their bodies and she could feel his breath against her skin, she looked him in the eye and stopped him.

''Jess, I can't. Not when Joey and I still live in the same apartment. I know I let it happen before, but...'' She lowered her eyes to her hands as they pulled at his shirt. ''Jess, this is all I can do to repay him for staying with me this long. I never deserved him.''

Jess gingerly put his arms around her waist and pulled her into a hug. This was all he could do right now.

-x-x-x-

As soon as Rory entered their apartment she knew that he was there, even though the door had been locked, something that Rory saw as a way to temporarily shut her out of his life until she would find the key to open it. The key to the door she had, but the keys to his heart, soul or mind had never been in her possession. Maybe he had kept them hidden from her purposely or maybe she hadn't searched for them hard enough. It was a sad thought, but it was one she would have to live with if she didn't tell him what was on her mind. She looked at the key in her hand, knowing that it would be hard to let go, but not impossible.

As she wrapped her fingers around it, she headed for the kitchen, following the aroma of spices. It was a smell she had grown used to. Joey was fond of cooking and did it with a great passion. He would be proud of every meal he made. She knew that the smell would fade, but the memory would remain and she didn't know what would hurt more. Before entering the kitchen, she took a deep breath, preparing herself for the conflict that lay ahead. She walked over to the stove where Joey stood, not looking at her as he kept stirring.

''Hey,'' she said as soon as she came to a halt.

Joey nodded, still paying more attention at their dinner than at her. ''How was work?''

''Actually, I didn't go to work today. I took a day off.''

''So you wandered around Hartford all day?'' Joey lightly chuckled. ''I never knew that there were so many things to do here; you should show me some time.''

''I went to Stars Hollow,'' Rory confessed, causing Joey to finally look up at her, although he never stopped stirring.

Rory lifted her hand and placed the key on the edge of the stove. Joey followed her movements and finally stopped stirring when he saw what she had done.

''I won't be needing it anymore.''

''You went to see him,'' Joey stated, his tone becoming more bitter with every word he spoke.

''Yes.''

''So all this time... you still loved him?'' He looked up to look at her, something Rory couldn't seem to bare because her eyes became glazed with tears within seconds.

''I'm sorry, Joey. I didn't mean to do this to you,'' Rory managed to utter before she started to sob, her head lowered and her hands covering her face as if she was trying to hide.

Joey averted his eyes and turned off the stove just to have something to do. ''Guess dinner's out of the question,'' he murmured, although not loud enough for Rory to hear.

He looked at her cry, realizing that he had expected this to happen. They both knew that they couldn't have kept on fighting with each other. It wouldn't have been healthy. He sighed and turned to face her. He reached for her hands with his own.

''Ror.''

She let him remove her hands from her face, though she didn't dare to look at him.

''I'm so sorry,'' she whispered. ''I'll leave right now, I just have to get my stuff.''

''Where are you going to go?'' Joey softly asked her while trying to meet her eyes.

''My mom's.''

''Ror,'' he started while wiping a few strands of hair out of her face. ''I don't think you should be driving right now.''

''But I have to leave.''

Joey nodded, something Rory didn't see. ''I agree, but not right now, not tonight.''

''Then what do I do?'' she asked, her voice sounding as sad as he had ever heard it.

''You'll have dinner.''

''No...''

''You have to eat,'' Joey said, stopping her. ''We both have to eat... we have to talk.''

Rory nodded, accepting his offer.

* * *

REVIEW! Please? :-) Okay, so the inevitable is finally here... I didn't want to make Joey and Rory's confrontation too messy because in my mind Joey isn't the kind of person that would do something like that, especially since he knew that it was coming. I hope I did this chapter justice, though I doubt I did. At least I tried my best. Anyway, thanks again for your (too) kind reviews, ever one is a small piece of motivation. My next update will take a bit longer than a week because I'm going to be busy, but as soon as I have the time I'll start writing. _Oh, and if you have the time and are a fan of the show Roswell, please be so kind to check out my story 'Alienated'. _Thank you! :-)


	14. 5050

**Disclaimer: **I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the orginial characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

**A/N: **Hey :-) This is the last chapter of this story and I have to say that I'm pretty happy with it...this chapter and the fact that it's the last one because I couldn't wait to start a new story. Anyway, more on that later so be sure to read the A/N at the bottom. Until then, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter which _Alexia _so kindly looked through for me. :-)

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**50/50**

Rory sat down on the bed, exhausted from the speed packing she had done, although she knew that there was another reason to her exhaustion - a reason that been draining her energy ever since she had become aware of it. With every doubt, she got a little more tired and after every argument, she felt like she had to catch her breath. Most of the feuds she had brought on herself by being unfaithful to him, maybe not always in her actions, but often in her thoughts and dreams, though she couldn't control the latter. She inwardly cringed when she realized that she had tried to hide behind one of her excuses again when there was no reason to anymore; she had told him the truth and though it took her too long, she finally felt some sort of relief settle itself within her, like she could finally breathe easy again.

She glanced over at the suitcase and duffel bag that stood at her feet, waiting to be taken home, something that sounded weird to her because this was the place she had considered home for these past months. Rory shook her head as she thought about how she had become one of those women she always saw on talk shows, talking about how they had cheated on their husband or boyfriend in front of the entire world. She had never pictured herself following in their footsteps, but she liked to believe that her betrayal hadn't been as severe and more classy. She had never gone behind Joey's back to sleep with Jess. Another stab of pain riffled through her, causing her relief to shift uncomfortably at the thought that just crossed her mind.

Rory tried to refrain herself from thoughts like that by thoroughly scanning the room with her eyes, taking in the changes now that all of her stuff had been safely packed. The bookcases no longer held a collection of her favorite books, they now only held his collection of medical books. It gave her an eerie feeling to see the bookcases like this, so empty, albeit she had kept most of her books in Stars Hollow. After she looked over the desk and nightstand, she finished off by staring at her pillow on her side of the bed. A few years ago, she would have gone into a fit of giggles if she had said something like that, but now it left her with a lingering sadness because of how real it was.

At the sound of three knocks, Rory turned her head away from the pillow and looked up at Joey as he stood awkwardly at the entrance of what used to be their bedroom. Just by the way he knocked before he entered made her feel out of place in this apartment.

''Hey,'' she lamely offered, knowing that it wouldn't make him feel any more comfortable.

Joey nodded and stepped into the room almost hesitantly. ''Are you all done packing?'' He offered her a small smile, trying to make the situation seem lighter than it really was, but Rory knew that his daily dose of cheerfulness now was forced. However, she didn't say anything and just nodded before lowering her eyes down to her hands which she had unconsciously clasped together in her lap. While her eyes flew down to her lap, her thoughts flew back to the pillow and the bed she was sitting on. It used to be their bed, but now it no longer was. She wasn't even sure if it was going to be his now or if he was going to get rid of it and buy a new one so he could start over with a clean slate and forget about her completely. At these sentiments she got up from the bed quickly, stung by how much these expectations hurt.

Joey watched her get up, anticipating what she must have thought because he had been pondering about the same things. Frankly, he wasn't quite sure of what to do with himself after she had left the apartment; he was used to having her around.

''You don't have to do this.'' He cleared his throat as Rory's eyes shot to his, electrifying him with the misery they reflected. He forced himself to take a step towards her and continue. ''You could stay and we could try the friends thing for a while, see how that turns out.''

Rory's eyes darkened even more with sorrow and regret as she listened to his offer. ''I don't think that would work, Joey.''

''Can't we make it work?'' he asked with a brave smile, though Rory could see the sadness clearly as it seeped through his features. Without thinking about what she was doing she walked over to him and pulled him into one last hug, one Joey welcomed by slipping his own arms around her waist and holding onto her tightly.

''Jess is lucky to have all of your affection,'' he whispered.

''He didn't have it all... I did fall in love with you, Joey, I did love you...and I'm sorry for everything I did.'' When Rory felt his grip tighten even more, she smiled. ''And he won't have all my affection, you know.''

''I'll miss you,'' Joey admitted, though he didn't give her the chance to say anything back because he broke the moment by letting go of her and creating some space between them.

''I'll give you a ride to the bus station, unless you'll take me up on my offer to let me drive you to Stars Hollow myself.''

Rory shook her head. ''No, you've done more than enough.''

''Well, then let me be a gentleman and help you with these bags,'' Joey said, though he didn't reach for the bags; instead, he waited for her to say something, not wanting to let go of her so soon.

''Thank you,'' she answered sweetly.

Joey nodded and reached for her bags, unaware of Rory's gaze on him as he did this. She watched him get her bags with a regretful smile because she knew fully well what she was leaving behind, but she also knew what lay ahead.

-x-x-x-

Rory was glad to see that her mom was waiting for her in Stars Hollow. The first thing Lorelai did when she saw her daughter come out of the bus was walk up to her and pull her into a comforting hug. She had known that Rory's marriage had been rocky and a big part of her wanted to blame Jess for that, but she also knew that Rory was often to blame for her own mistakes and not Jess. Over the years, Lorelai had seen what Jess had done to her daughter and he had done nothing but make her happy.

''Are you okay?'' Lorelai asked as she let go of Rory, her features expressing her concern.

Rory nodded, biting her lip in the process. ''Yeah.''

''Are you sure, sweets?'' Lorelai pressed as she scanned Rory's face, trying to see if she had been crying, ''because ending a marriage isn't easy, especially since it was your first one.''

''I'm fine,'' Rory answered while she grabbed her suitcase, her mom taking her duffel bag without saying anything. ''Joey was really understanding about it and he even said that I could call him whenever I needed anything.''

''Makes it harder, doesn't it?''

''Yeah.''

Lorelai threw an arm around Rory's shoulders as they headed towards town. ''It will get easier with time, but until then, you'll have Luke's.''

Rory smiled. ''I could use some coffee.''

-x-x-x-

To Rory's relief, none of the customers looked up to stare at her when they entered the diner.

''Do they know?'' she asked, gesturing towards a few of the tables.

Lorelai shook her head. ''Of course not. I don't tell, remember?''

Rory nodded, although she knew that Luke knew as soon as she sat down at the counter; he almost instantly placed a cup of coffee and a slice of coffee cake in front of her, his way of comforting her. Rory shot her mom a look, but gratefully reached for her coffee.

''How are you doing, kiddo?'' Luke asked, trying to seem casual by wiping off a plate at the same time.

''I'm okay, Luke.''

He nodded. ''Just know that the coffee is on the house today...just for you,'' he quickly added when he saw Lorelai flashing him a grin.

''Thanks, Luke.''

''Any time. Just tell me if you want anything else.''

''Actually,'' Rory started, ''I was wondering if I could talk to Jess?''

Luke looked over at Lorelai before answering, wanting to have the elder Gilmore's approval before saying anything. ''Sure. I think he's upstairs, you can go up if you want.''

Rory mumbled a thank you before slipping off her stool and up the stairs, not feeling nervous at all when she knocked on the door of the apartment. She wanted to see his face; she needed someone that was easy to talk to and would just listen to her. When he opened the door, no words were exchanged; she just held up her hand, showing him that she was no longer wearing Joey's ring, though she could still see clearly where it used to be.

''Come in,'' Jess finally said, not saying anything else until he had closed the door behind them. He turned around to look at her, noticing how she looked fine on the surface, but appearances could often deceive. ''Are you okay?''

If anyone else would have asked her that question again, she would have gotten annoyed and maybe even slightly angry, but because it was Jess, she didn't care. She nodded at first before changing her mind and shaking her head. Finally, she let out a sigh and shrugged, sitting down on his bed while she did this. ''I don't know.''

Jess nodded in comprehension as he crossed the room and sat down next to her. ''Do you want to talk about it?''

Rory glanced at him, surprised at his question; he wasn't the kind of person that would normally ask it. Without giving him an answer, she brought her eyes down to her hands, spending the following minute in silence as she looked for a ring that was no longer there.

''I feel sad...and relieved,'' she eventually confessed, ''because I no longer have to feel guilty.'' Then without a warning, her voice broke, giving into the sadness she had tried to bottle up. ''He isn't sending over the divorce papers immediately; he said that he would wait a few weeks to give me some time to get used to the idea.''

Tears slowly started to trickle down her cheeks as she continued. ''Even after everything I put him through, he's still nice to me and I don't deserve that. I mean, I know I hurt him and he should have yelled at me and told me that he hated me, but he didn't...''

Rory let out a shaky breath as she brought both hands to her face to wipe away some of the tears, ''Instead he was nice and told me how amazing I was and...and how he still wanted to be friends.'' It was then that she broke down completely and no longer tried to hold back her tears. She buried her face in her hands as her body softly shook with every sob that escaped her lips.

Jess didn't look at her because he already knew in how much pain she really was. He placed his hand on her back and started to rub it in a comforting way. ''Maybe you did the wrong thing by leaving him?''

Rory shook her head. ''I don't love him anymore,'' she mumbled through her hands and tears, making it difficult for Jess to understand her, though he did, ''but I did.''

As her cries became even louder, Jess stopped rubbing her back and opted for wrapping his arm around her waist instead, pulling her into an awkward hug - awkward because of how jealous he had been of Joey and of because he understood what she was going through.

''I know,'' he answered, ''and I'll be here...if you need me.''

Neither Jess nor Rory said anything, but just held onto the silence because they both already knew the answer. He had always been there for her and still was. He had never been able to shut her out of his life; he couldn't and that was sometimes a curse to the both of them, but at the same time, they wouldn't have things any other way. They knew that they needed each other to become as happy as they ever had been and ever would be because in a sense, they were destined for each other.

* * *

**REVIEW! Please? :-) **Like I said in my first A/N, this is the last chapter of this story. Love it, hate it, it's all up to you. To me it's somewhat of a relief because I can now put up a new Lit story, if you guys are interested. It's different from this one and more sweet and all that crap. :-)

Anyway, thanks for all of you who have reviewed and please review one last time. :-) Okay, now if you are interested and/or have the time please check out my new one parter _Broken Record _(Lit), the new update for _Torn _(for all you Lit's who have a nack for Trory's, too), the update for _Alienated _(Roswell fic) and my original short story at fictionpress called _Never Never Land _which I am very excited about. :-) Y'all don't have too, but if you do...thanks :-)


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